20mo old-Just not napping no matter what I do. :(

[J+M]

Hi there!

I have a 20 month old Touchy.

Typical Good Day is:

7:30am-wakes up
6 hour A time
1:30pm nap-for about 1hr 15 min (but can be 1 hr or up to 2 hrs-this is just the average)
6:30pm-bathtime / bed time routine
7:30-asleep in crib

OK-so here's where it went wrong...18 month sleep regression happened right on cue.

I read on another site that they went back to adding in feedings and the child just stopped needing them on their own once they were over their separation anxieties that caused the sleep regression, in about 1 or 2 months.

So when I had Night Wakings I'd go in and feed, and sure enough, after a few weeks she just slept through the night again and didn't ask for them anymore.  Great.

But at the same time she was refusing naps totally.  I'd go a few days without a nap and crying no matter how I did WI/WO.  So I started going back to nursing to sleep for her nap and when I did she'd give me the same 1 hour nap.

Now it's been 2 months and she's sleeping great at night but I just can't kick the nursing to sleep for her nap!

OH BOY, I WISH I DIDN'T DO THAT!

But I was so worried that after a few days with no nap she's be overly tired and then there would be a whole new mess of problems to fix!

So now I have had a couple days with nap refusal EVEN IF I nurse to sleep.  So I'm thinking she is really not needing that anymore and I need to cut it out.

How do I do it?

Cut down the time she nurses gradually or cold turkey it?

I can tell you that she was a great independent sleeper before so I would think WI/WO would work....BUT....being that she is a Touchy, we had to do a gradual wean from nursing to sleep for her naps in the first place, so I'm sorta torn on what is best.

TODAY:
I nursed for 10 min then cut her off even though she still wanted, and put her in her crib crying heavily.  I did WI/WO and after about 15 min she went to sleep.  I did this yesterday, too, and she didn't sleep at all and after an hour I just gave up and got her.

So it's sort of a mix with gradual wean from nursing but still needing to do WI/WO afterwards (and no guarantee that it will work).

We're only nursing up to 3 times a day if she wants them, (wakes up, before(used to be after) her nap, and before bed).  Oh-and before bed is 50/50 with her being awake and going into her crib peacefully until she talks herself to sleep, or just going in asleep.  She doesn't cry usually for this one even if she goes down wide awake.  She even says "Bye" when I leave the room, if you can believe it!

So again, why are naps such a big deal for her if she can do it already??

OK-I have typed enough....any thoughts on this are greatly appreciated!

[babybarr]

Just bumping your post

[J+M]

Yesterday I nursed for 10 min then put her in her crib and she screamed and cried.  I did WI/WO for 30-40 min and just gave up and she missed her nap for the day. 

I pushed her dinner/bedtime routine up by an hour and she went right to sleep at 6:30pm but still didn't wake until her normal time, 7:30am.  So she's not behind on sleep, thankfully.

Still don't know what I should be doing.  WI/WO is not always working and gradually shortening the time she nurses isn't either.  Both are making her upset and I'm not seeing which is the best way to go.

Nap time is coming up soon and I might just skip the nursing all together and try WI/WO and see if we can get back on track.  I don't know, maybe give it a week?

Just seems like if I'm reducing nursing gradually and still having to deal with crying and doing WI/WO then why am I even nursing anyway?  It's not helping the process at all.

So that's my update....any thoughts on this would be really appreciated.

[babybarr]

I agree that you may as well cut the nursing out altogether.

Have you tried putting her down for the nap earlier?  Say 5.5hrs A time - I know sometimes they cut their A time back for a while around this age.  Is she teething?

[J+M]

She IS teething. Seems like it never ends! 

I have tried the earlier nap and it seems to give me the same results so I just stuck with the 6 hour A time since it has a history of the longest naps from her.

Today I cut out the nursing totally before the nap (like we were doing before the 18 mo sleep regression) and she cried and cried, and I did WI/WO but this time she actually calmed down and went to sleep after about 15 min.  She only napped 45 min, though.  But it's a start I guess.

I'll see how the next few days go before I feel like we've actually made progress.

I appreciate your comments ladies!

[*Becky*]

Yes I agree about cutting out the nursing.
Have you been needing to give her pain meds for the teeth? Might be worth it before a nap to see if she settles more quickly.
My lo is touchy and I find that less is more iykwim...so I would do WIWO as long as we know there is no pain.
Let us know how you get on today.
Becky x

[J+M]

Well today she asked for milk at the start of the nap routine.  Maybe she thinks since she didn't ask for it yesterday right away I forgot or something?  Kinda funny that she remembers and is trying to be proactive about it.

So I told her milk will be after nap and she said "No!".  But at least I know she understands the expectations going in.

I did the rest of the routine and put her in her crib and of course she cried and cried...but only for a minute.  Now she is in there singing and talking to herself which is great.

She used to do that for anywhere up to 20 min before finally falling asleep but I liked that it was her winding down on her own.

So we'll see if she actually drifts off to sleep and for how long.

She's done this to me before and just talked and talked for an hour and then started crying "Mommy" and then actually crying with tears for me to go in and get her...and she never got the nap in at all.

So I'm not counting this as a nap before it happens.

I'll keep you posted....

[J+M]

OK---50 min of talking in her crib before she started crying and saying "mommy".

I'm going in there and giving up on the nap.

What should I do?   Am I doing anything wrong?  Stay the course?

We're averaging every other day this works and she gets a nap in and the other days she doesn't at all. 

[babybarr]

I think you need to stick with the "programme"

I would be super consistent and I would also put her down for her nap early to allow her time to fall asleep.

What were the timings today?

[J+M]

OK, so again, every other day, is still the case.

After a 6 hour A time I get her in her crib and she talked to herself for 30 min-then drifted asleep for only 50 min.

Then today, after a 6 hour A time I get her in her crib and she talked to herself for 30 min-then cried and cried for "mommy".  I gave up on the nap and went in and got her.  She was dancing around and so happy.  I nursed her and then she just popped off and started running around.  She didn't seem tired at all and she certainly wasn't holding out for a nursing before falling to sleep.

It's just crazy-I don't know what to do.

Our schedule is still pretty much exactly what the original post is.  This is driving me crazy that she is just skipping a nap every other day even though I do the exact same routine.

What do you think?

[babybarr]

I thought you were going to try an early nap?   It's def worth a shot.  Has helped a lot of people.

[J+M]

hmmm....you know I've tried that a few times and it has never worked out for me.

I could try it again and see.

[J+M]

Well yesterday she fell asleep in the car after a 4 hour A time.  It's usually 6 hours of A so this was REALLY early.  But I let her sleep and she slept for 50 min.

The day before we had company over and I couldn't get her down earlier even though I tried.  They had car trouble and got here later then planned and it pushed the whole visit back and she went down at the usual 6 hour A time...and then never fell asleep and didn't nap at all even though she was in a her crib for an hour.

So today she went down at 5 hour 15 min A time (tried for 5 hour but didn't quite make it).  She's been talking in her crib for 30 min but it's getting quiet so I'm going to have to wait and see what happens.

She did this before where we'd have 5 or so min of quiet in between being up and talking again...and she never napped that day so I won't know for sure for a little while yet.

I'll report back how it went.

But one question....if we used to do a 6 hour A, isn't a 4 hour A just way too short of an A time adjustment?  I'm thinking 5 hour A is better though I guess we'll see through trial and error.

Just wanted to know what your experiences have been.

Thanks. 

[J+M]

Well she slept but only for 40 min.

What do you think is going on???

[babybarr]

I would try a 5.5hr A time.  I know that sometimes it's just about finding the right time.  Is she teething?