18 month old seems to need me in the room to fall asleep

[danacarrie]

My previously very independent sleeper seems to have hit a very rough patch.  We do our normal routine (extended sometimes to really slow her down) and then put her in bed, and we used to be able to just walk out.  Now, as soon as we even turn away from the crib, she screams like crazy and is not able to settle herself.  Two nights ago it was over 2 hours of WI/WO (although I don't think I was doing it right- can someone send a link?).  Finally, I held her and she fell asleep immediately in my arms and STTN.   Last night, same deal, but instead of falling asleep in my arms, I left her in her crib and just sat in her room, which she was fine with.  I snuck out (can't make a sound!) and that was that, until 4am when she woke and wouldn't go back to sleep without me in her room.  I ended up bringing her to bed with me, which I have never done in her whole life, so we could both get some sleep.  Tonight, I tried to put her down independently, it didn't work, so I waited about 10 min but she wasn't settling so I went in and just sat in her room and then did the sneak out again.

Here's our typical EASY:

7:15ish wake
8:15 snack
9am breakfast
10:15 snack
12 lunch
1-2:15 nap
4pm snack
6pm dinner
7pm-7:30 bedtime.

Yesterday it was:
7:40am wake (this was late after the two hour issue the night before)
11:30-1:10 nap
6pm dinner
7pm bedtime
8pm sleep

Today, it was this:
7am wake
12:30-1:40pm nap
7:30 bedtime
8pm sleep

I am ok with the idea that she needs us right now, I just want to be sure I am handling it ok.  Any thoughts welcome.  She has all her teeth except her 2 year molars.  She is healthy.  We did just get back from vacation, which might be all it is! 

Thank you!
Dana

[babybarr]

I think she sounds a bit OT.

I would drop the nap back to say 4.5-5hrs from wake (given that gave you a longer nap) and then bed 4.5-5hrs after a *good* nap i.e. longer than 1.5hrs.

So
7am wake
12noon nap
7pm bed

[barbaraz78]

I've not help, but I am interested in the answer since my LO did the same two months ago (he's 13 months now), and we are now in his room until he's calm (not really sleeping but almost). This sometime takes few minutes (if he's tired enough), sometime takes even more than one hour (although after the first crazy days waiting so long happens rarely and concomitant to teething). We never tried WI/WO because the first time we attempted he was crazy, crying desperately, and I was afraid it would take more to settle. However, we are going to try the next week.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Is she getting any teeth?  My guy gets much more clingy/needy when he's teething (which seems to be all the time! ).  

Here's a link about Wi/WO: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0
GW works really well for us when we have these kinds of bumps in the road.

Hugs.

[danacarrie]

Thank you very much for the responses.  I agree that she is OT and will try to continue to nap her a little earlier.

Last night she went down at 8pm with me in the room.  She woke at 1am, and I waited in the room for her to fall asleep.  She woke again at 3:30am and I went to sleep in the spare bed in her room. 

I am not sure what else to do.  I think she is teething- it is taking FOREVER to get these 2 year molars- I don't even feel bumps yet but her hand is constantly in her mouth and she is drooling a lot.  I feel like she is in a real security/attachment thing right now.  She also wants to carry around her lovey and ALL 3 blankets she sleeps with whenever she is home.  Do I just go with it?  Its not too much for me, especially the waiting in her room at bedtime, but I'd like to stop the NW.

Thanks,
Dana

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Yep, if she's teething it's going to be really hard to change a whole lot.   I feel your pain, it seems like we've been teething for a year straight over here!!

That said, I do sometimes do GW when he's teething, since it's so gentle and I'm still there for him. 

Are you medicating at all?  That helps teething NWs immensely for us.

[northern mama]

I have not tried this...but a girlfriend of mine has and swears by it.  She gradually worked her way out of her son's room.  She started at the end of her sons bed for a couple nights; when he was ok with that she moved a little farther away for another couple nights and than eventually sat at the door for a couple nights and than her son no longer needed her to be in the room to calm down.  If he started to fuss she would talk to him, but would not go any closer than her designated spot for that night.  She said it took just under 2 weeks, but her son has been an independent sleeper ever since. 

Best of luck, hope that helps.
M

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

I have not tried this...but a girlfriend of mine has and swears by it.  She gradually worked her way out of her son's room.  She started at the end of her sons bed for a couple nights; when he was ok with that she moved a little farther away for another couple nights and than eventually sat at the door for a couple nights and than her son no longer needed her to be in the room to calm down.  If he started to fuss she would talk to him, but would not go any closer than her designated spot for that night.  She said it took just under 2 weeks, but her son has been an independent sleeper ever since.

That's another good version of it!

[danacarrie]

Thanks, all. 

Things have gotten worse. EASY yesterday was like this:

8am wake (this is late- I think she is catching up)
12:30-2pm nap
6:45-7:15pm winddown
Didn't fall asleep until 8pm and I had to wait in her room the whole time
11pm wake
DH tried to get her down until midnight staying in her room, it didn't work, finally he just slept in the extra bed.
2am wake- DH just "ssshhh" from his bed in her room.
7:30am wake for the day

I am not sure how to proceed.  I feel like she just really needs us right now, and I can live with this situation as long as its a phase and doesn't continue to get worse.  But I don't want to AP and get stuck in something I can't get out of.

Thanks,
Dana

[babybarr]

If your gut is saying she needs you at the mo then she probably does.  I would sit with her if you're both fine with that, see what happens over the next little while - perhaps as pp said work your way closer to the door - we can always readdress if it all becomes a prop/AP. 

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

If your gut is saying she needs you at the mo then she probably does.

Totally agree.  Sounds like she's really struggling with the teething, poor thing.  We can't relate to how much their little mouths and faces must hurt.  Laura is right, if it really does become a prop you can deal with it once she's feeling better.

[tigerlilly905]

This totally sounds like my little guy right now... although he's only shy of 10 months, he's been a great independent sleeper up until the past few weeks... and he needs me in the room to fall asleep... even if I'm just sitting at the side of his crib singing... he seems to need it... maybe it's teeth, that's a good point, but he's also recently extended his A time 5 hrs (and we're still working through 2-1 without getting OT) going to read along to see if I can get any more tips   Good luck Dana... hope it gets better

[danacarrie]

Thanks again, everyone, for the support and wise words.

Seems we are definitely stuck in a new normal now- we sit with her until she falls asleep, sneak out, and then when she inevitably wakes in the middle of the night (she never used to have NW!), one of us moves into the spare bed where we can easily soothe her when she inevitably wakes up again.  I am not sure how we are going to wean ourselves of this, except if she happens to randomly STTN one night and we never moved in...

Anyway, I guess it is what it is.   Its hard not to feel discouraged and disappointed but I also keep reading online how this 18 month thing is really common, which makes me feel better.

Just for updates sake- here was yesterday
7:30 wake
12-1:30 nap (this was an early nap but I think it was  good)
7:15 lights out
asleep by 7:30
2am wake (DH moved into her room)
a couple of other NW but I didn't hear them
6:45am wake for the day

Have a good weekend!

[babybarr]

I would probably say on a 1.5hr nap waking at 1.30pm you perhaps need to do an earlier bed - nearer 7pm, that may (or may not of course) help.  6hrs A after a 1.5hr nap is a lot for an 18mth old.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

6hrs A after a 1.5hr nap is a lot for an 18mth old.

I totally agree.  We're doing 5h, maybe 5h15 and my guy is pretty average sleep needs.