Won't stay in bed!

[AllyT]

 
DS1 will not stay in his bed at night or for naps lately. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, thinking he was having real issues sleeping, but while he was away at the cottage with my parents this w/e he slept great from 8-7 each night and gave no issues at naptime. Here, however, he's been out of his room about 8 times since I put him down. He just comes out and waits for me to put him back in bed. It's clearly a game, and he's winning!
We've tried talking about it, we've tried a rewards chart (stickers for staying in his room), we've tried just putting him back without a word. Eventually it ends in frustration on our part (mine tonight) and I have to speak to him angrily before he'll stay in. I feel awful at the end of it all and it's not the way I like to parent.
Suggestions please! Urgh he's up again!

[*Becky*]

bumping up x

[~*Nicole*~]

Can you use a gate and then only do a verbal response from out of sight? That way it's less a game an he learns mommy and daddy are serious? Basically if you hear him get up, ignore it and leave him be until he goes to sleep, but if he calls our or cries for you just call back to him "It's time to sleep, go back to bed, honey." or something. This way he doesn't get the reward of your presence or your touch or anything, but still knows you are THERE in the house and as always doing your duty as a parent and making sure he's fine.

I have gotten to the point of telling my DD when she is really acting up about bedtime that it is time for sleep and she knows what she can do in her bed until she's sleepy. "You can read, sing, talk to your babydoll, but you may NOT call or scream for me. You have your water, your blanket, your paci, and you do NOT need anything else. You may read, sing, or talk until you're sleepy. I am NOT coming back up. End of story."

And when it has been a "game" she hasn't been too bad about staying up there until she drifts off. When she is OT or really needing me for something, she ends up crying and I have to go back. But it helps distinguish between her NEEDING me and her just WANTING me.

[AllyT]

Thanks Nicole, and thanks for bumping it Becky.
Unfortunately he vomited in his sleep last night (unrelated, I think it was a stomach bug or something he ate), so we have to keep a bit of a closer eye on him tonight. We've gone back to really talking up the rewards chart and he managed to earn a sticker for naptime.
The gate is definitely our next step. The only trouble we're having with that is that he plays the 'I have to pee card' and we can't really say no in case of an accident. I'll let you know how it goes.

[~*Nicole*~]

Put a potty chair in his room! He's in charge and can take himself !

[betsysmum]

Due to a broken arm at 20 months we had to transition our DD to a toddler bed.  A week in and she realised she could walk across the landing to our bedroom.  and did for about 4 weeks.  We had nights of up to 3 hours of constantly returning her to her room once she walked into ours.

Then, once the cast was off, we decided to try a new tactic.  We closed our door, so that it was impossible for her to get in (she's not strong enough to turn the handle).  The first night we did it we heard her come to the door and try the handle.  no tears, just think she was confused.  We all must have fallen back asleep because an hour after she tried the handle, hubby and i woke up a bit worried and questioned each other on who had taken her back to her room.  We opened the door and our daughter was asleep on the floor.

The next night we closed the door all the way again and, once again, she tried the handle, but then we heard her shuffle back to her bed and put herself back to sleep.  She did this 2 more times on that second night, but there were no tears.  By the third night she didn't even try our door and slept through the night, which she's been doing since.

We think when the door was open she got into the habit of using us as a prop to put herself back to sleep (and she was probably waking due to her broken arm in a cast).  She'd always been a good sleeper so once the pot was off we were keen to get her back to being a good sleeper. Thankfully by eliminating the possibility of seeing us, thus triggering her want to be coddled by us, she just went back to sleep.

Our approach was that if she ever cried out we would definitely go to her, but once we closed the door she just realised that she could just put herself back to bed.

[AllyT]

Thanks ladies, good idea about he potty in the room! Unfortunately he's a door knob master. We'll keep at it though.

[~*Nicole*~]

I have also solved that problem! Door knob child safety lock! I put one on her side of the door. She doesn't know how to open the door now LOL

Unfortunately DD is scared of the dark so asks that the door be left open. Took a few times of me closing it when I heard her get out of bed, etc. Now she stays in bed and I leave the door half open until she's asleep. Then I close it on my way to bed.

[AllyT]

Great idea about the child knobs. Unfortunately I tried that already. In a fit of absolute frustration one night I actually put one on the inside of DS's door thinking at least he couldn't get out. Lo and behold all I managed to accomplish was providing him the time and desire to sort out how to open them. =/

Also, he's totally unafraid of the dark, which again works to our disadvantage as he'd happily wander the house without a worry at all hours of the night. It's a work in progress, but we'll get there. He's on his second day of staying in his room for his nap, which is progress. And last night he had fewer escapes than usual, and all right at bedtime, not in the middle of the night...baby steps. =)

[~*Nicole*~]

Sounds like he's headed back in the right direction.

LOL about him figuring out the child knobs! What a clever one you've got