Her first nap is very early in comparison to the time she wakes and her age. You can gradually push this nap out to about 9 or even 9:30 and let her sleep as long as she wants, but then her second nap is going to get later as well, meaning her bedtime is going to likely get later. This is fine temporarily but as she approaches the one year mark you'll probably find that you'll have to cut one of her naps in order to fit two naps in and not rob from night sleep. If I didn't cut my DD's morning nap when she was 10/11 months old, she would NOT take a second nap until very late which either ended up being a SUPER late bedtime OR that the second nap ended up BEING bedtime, meaning she was in bed for the night at 5/6pm and then up at 5am which I hated. So I cut her first nap short, let her nap as long as she liked for her second nap and then had a normal bedtime. That worked well until she was ready for just one nap around 15/16 months but it took a lot of tweaking to get to that point! So you have to decide if you want a later bedtime and a shorter night with two good long naps (if she'll cooperate!) OR if you want to cut a nap and keep your early bedtime and longer night. Let me know what you and your DH think and we'll try to tweak you a good routine
SO...as much as your DH has heard about not waking a sleeping baby....he probably hasn't heard about all those moms paying for it by having a baby who was awake all night and unsettled and needing rocking or nursing or bottles to get back to sleep b/c they weren't tired enough to sleep through the night on their own b/c they got too much daytime sleep. OR any variety of issues that many moms have with their babies....like ones who won't nap at all b/c moms used to never adjust the nap time or they didn't know how much sleep their babies actually needed. There is a LOT more info. available now about babies sleep needs and sleep patterns, etc. and rules change!
Also, the going in to her at night....I'd say there is a middle ground. He may be rushing in too soon and not giving her a chance to learn to settle...BUT we also don't advocate the plan you are talking about where you extend the length of time we let them cry until we go in. That is considered controlled crying. BW promotes a more comforting approach like your husband likes...but not necessary as fast
You can hold back a min or two and listen to the way your LO is crying. Even if standing up, she knows how to lay back down. If she falls asleep at night and for naps by herself....she knows how to do so in the middle of the night as well. She is at an age where she may have some separation anxiety and want to know you are there...but once she knows you are, she should be able to settle herself to sleep and get over this constant waking. Plus as your routine gets more and more worked out, she should wake less as well. Anyway, when she DOES wake at night....you're right, if she is crying in an on and off kind of way, you can let her be a bit. If it is low or monotone or moany or anything like that, she could be settling herself. My DD sounded moany for her mantra cry (the falling asleep cry/noise that babies make) and she still does this now! If she is crying an "I NEED YOU" cry or her cry escalates or doesn't stop and start...after a min or so, go in, pick her up, when she calms, lay her down and leave. Don't provide too much interaction. Don't give too much eye contact or too much verbal reassurance. You can use one sleep phrase, like "shhh, it's sleepy time" but always use the same phrase and only say it once and leave. You repeat this every time she cries a real "I NEED YOU" cry...even if it's 20 times....it will get less each time and she will learn to settle herself.
I hope this helps!
