Started PD with my 14mo old baby and cried for 3 hours! HELP!

[Ado]

Hello,
I started last night with my 14month daughter putting her awake to sleep and just staying next to her in a chair. At the beginning it went amazingly well! She cried for 3mins, then I put her down and sat again in my chair, and after 4 times of doing this, she fell asleep 17mins later!!! So I thought I was going great. I slept in her room in my own mattress and did nothing unti...But ... she woke up at 5 in the morning crying so I started as before, putting her down every 3 to 5 mins just saying good night is time to sleep and she sometimes paused from crying for about 5mins and seemed she was going to sleep but no! she was just preparing herself to start again! After 2 hours, she fell asleep in a sitting position, without laying down. So I waited 10mins and tried to lay her down and everything started again. She fell asleep sitting down and after 10mins I decided to wait and hope to lay down by herself but no, she woke up and continue crying for 30mins more. At 8am... after 3 hours like this, I opened the curtains and greeted the new day.

Help! Now, I do not know what to do tonight! Any advice! She is a spirited baby who sleeps 11 or 12 hours at night about 3 or 4 nights every week, but randomnly there are some nights when she just cries and cries for an hour and not even carrying her around or patting her back help. So we decided to start this but it seems that is going the other way around! Help!!

She sleeps 1 nap of 45 mins or an hour at most, nothing more, and I put her to bed normally at 8.
Please help!

I am really tired and my husband and I know not what to do.
Thanks

[LizzieN]

Hey sweetie,
Sorry to hear that you have had such a hard night, that must have been difficult.

With PD at this age rather than waiting a specified time (say 3-5 minutes) which you mentioned you really need to tune into your LOs cry, is she mantra crying (a settling cry) or is her cry gettin louder and more insistant?  If her cry is getting louder and more upset then you speak to her soothingly, you can give her a cuddle in the cot and then you PD (if she is standing)...you can even try and put some pressure on her with your hands if it helps (but don't struggle against her, let her go if she tries to get up).

Look I'm no expert sweetie, but my feeling is that your LO is probably waking and having disrupted sleep because she is over tired (OT)....I'm guessing that some days she copes with the tiredness and she sleeps well, but after a few days of this she really needs more day time sleep and isn't getting it and it's disturbing her nights and causing early wakes.  Perhaps if you moved your days around a bit and tried to get a longer nap during the day this may help?  (I understand you have probably already tried this)

Teething may also cause this, but it does tend to be fairly consistent...so more nights than not.

Big hugs, hope you get more eyes on this....
xxLizzie

[Ado]

Thank you Lizzie for your words. I decided trying  for a specified time since before this, every time she was waking up I was patting her or answering to her cry by leaving my hand over her chest, but it didn't help. I did this for 3 months and still she is waking every 3 or 4 nights for 3 nights.
As for the naps, I just do not know what to do since she never wants to nap more than 45 mins. Know, she goes for her nap in my arms or with a bottle, so I know I should start doing some more to help her sleep alone, but I thought to start with the night and then fix the naps, but know I am very confused.
I am really confused now, I feel I am damaging her more than helping but I do not know what to do. I cannot stand another night of 3 hours of cry. And I do not want to damage her psicologically... I know it is hard to help me.
thanks,

[LizzieN]

Oh sweetheart you are most welcome for any help, we have all had our issues and all accidental parented   As to damaging your LO psychologically, you won't be doing this as long as you are with her, you are not abandoning her, she is not crying alone...you are supporting and helping as best as you can.

I've got to head off for a little while but I will be back shortly and will pop back on and see if I can start helping you to get things on the right track...

Big hugs and I'll be back this evening
Lizzie

[LizzieN]

Hey I'm back earlier than I expected to be   So I have some questions for you so we can get a good idea of what is going on.

Is your LO on EASY (more like EAEASY at this age really)...and if so what time are you trying to put her down for her nap/s during the day?

You say that you feed her to sleep or cuddle for naps, have you tried to bring the feed forwards a little to break this association?  Before you started doing PD were you feeding her to sleep over night also?

Look this is just my opinion but as babies get older being super consistent is SO important because they have not only a desire to have their needs met but they also have personality coming into the equation.  It does sound to me like you have become a prop in several ways, feeding and cuddling to sleep in the past but you CAN get past this.  The important thing firstly is to be really observant about what is going on with your little girl....

Get her wind down before bed really predictable and low key (no television or anthing along those lines), the more predictable the better, even to the point where you always read the same bed time story (you can change this later once her sleep is going better).

Get yourself a "key sleepy phrase" to say to her, you can say this soothingly over and over if it seems to help her calm.  Calming verbally is really useful, it's amazing how helpful your voice can be to them.

Then be really clear in your own mind when you are going to intervene, really listen to her cry, is it getting louder and more insistent?  Is it stopping and starting or sounding pretty much the same (this is probably her mantra, self settling cry).  Really do try and calm her with your voice and pressure from your hands first and if that doesn't work then PD. DON'T give her eye contact, and keep everything really quiet...you don't want her to turn this into a game.

Another thing I was thinking is that a lot of babies find your presence in the room very stimulating, especially spirited babies, so I've included a link for you to read about walk in walk out and gradual withdrawal from the room:

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

Finally I would say if you are going to do PD with your LO you really have to do it for naps too....the more consistent you are the quicker this will work, so brace yourself, enlist some help if you can and lets see if we can get this happening for you all!!

Sorry about all the info, but hope some of it helps
xxLizzie

[Ado]

Hello Lizzie, after almost 2 weeks I am back reporting on my progress. So it was really a nightmare! After almost 7 nights of doing the gradual withrawal method, and maaany hours of crying, she is now falling asleep by herself almost without crying,( 40 secs). But, she is still waking up sometimes in the middle of the night, but cries for about 5mins and goes back to sleep, but the problem now, is that she is waking up really early. She goes down to sleep at 7:30ish, but she is waking up around 6 or 6:30 the latest crying. I have tried the last 2 nights to not enter immediately after she starts crying in the morning to see if she falls asleep again, and after 12mins, she becomes quiet but then starts to wimper, and when I go inside I found she has done a poo.
Any suggestions for helping her sleep at least until 7? Before Christmas, in those nights when she was sleeping through she used to sleep for 12hrs or 11.30, but know there are some nights of 10 and a half hours. Any recommendation?
As for her naps, she is still very erratic. Sometimes I feel she is very tired in the morning, so I do not know if she still needs the morning nap and maybe that is why she is tired in the morning. What do you think?
Thanks for all your advise.

[LizzieN]

Hey sweetie,
Well your LO is still in the process of transitioning so it may be on some days she does need that little morning nap too, just have a bit of a try and see how it goes and how it affects other sleeps, some mums find if they restrict the morning nap to 30 minutes or so then bubs will still take the afternoon nap and it just helps to stave off OT

Great news that PU/PD is working well now, boo about the earlier waking, but doing 10.5-11.5 hours night sleep is well within the "norm" so it may just be her biological clocks wake up time for a while, some babies will just wake a little earlier that we would like   If she is waking happy and full of beans then I would say she is ready to be up....also if she is waking because she is pooing that is a bit unavoidable, her bowel regularity will probably change over time.

I tend to feel any wake before 6am is an EW not a start the day wake and I will try to get my LOs back to sleep but I'm not really an expert of routine tweaking to get rid of these (sorry).  Here is a link that may help:

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=87109.0

hope that helps sweetie and well done on your progress, you've done great
xx