Desperate for help and sleep

[sally1403]

I have a 17 week old and I dont seem to be progressing with her at all.

I also have a 22 month old to look after at the same time.

I am really having a problem with her feeding and sleeping.


She weighs just over 11lb and currently has the following routine.

She wakes in the night at 2am and about 4:30 am.  For the past week I have just been giving her a dummy in the hope she will take a good feed at 6am.

I wake her up at 6am ( tbh she is normally awake cos dummy has fallen out)
I try to give her a feed then (formula) as my other daughter does not get up till 7am so I try to give her an hour of peace and quiet to have a good feed. She will take 1-2 oz at a push and this normally takes the whole hour

I have been then trying to feed her from7:30 after eldest has had breaksfast but was finding that she would just fuss around with it till 9:00 so what I have now decided to do is just leave it till 8:30 so I can get eldest ready for nursery and I can have a shower. Now at 8:30 she will take 6oz and then have a nap till 10:00

Her next feed isnt till 12:00 and again she will take 6oz and then nap till 2:00

I then feed her at 4:00 - 4:30 and she will have 4oz

They both have a bath at 6pm and she then has another 4-6 oz at6:30 and to bed till 10:30 / 11:00

At dream feed she will take about 4oz

When she wakes in the night she only has 1oz

I am finding it very hard to get her to have naps when my other daughter is at home as I can not keep going upstairs for any time to settle her as I can not leave eldest on own downstairs for too long.

In the end when they are both at home I end up having to take them out in the car and end up parked up for an hour so they both sleep and I get some peace.

It is not ideal but I guess some sleep in the day is better than none.

Most times I feel like the worst mother in the world. When I am trying to feed the baby my eldest is wanting my attention ans brings endless books that I cant read to her and I have to keep sending her off to find things just to stop her from mithering the baby.

I am in tears most days because I just dont know what to do anymore.

I am currently trying to settle the baby who has been awake since 11:00 it just doesnt seem to get any easier.

[~Sarah~]

First of all BIG BIG {{{HUGS}}}  I have been there and done all of this...and still some days I am still hanging by a thread.  (Mine are 12mo apart)  You have a lot going on and I am hopefully going to address it all.
First-have you any help at all?  Anyone that can come and give you a break by helping with #1 so you can focus on #2?  Also, have you looked around on the PPD boards at all?  I hope not to offend, but I sounded just like you at this point and I realized after the fact that I had undiagnosed PPD.  We sometimes as moms put so much on our plate it is hard to see the light through the trees.  Sleep training through BW is such a blessing, but it can also be a curse when you are trying to *make* it all work.

So, when I needed to do the resettling with #2, #1 was small and I did not know what to do, but I knew I wanted to BW as I did with #1 bc it worked so good.  So, I baby proofed the entire living floor that I would leave DS (#1) in.  I knew in my head he could be left for 10-15min and he would be perfectly fine.  Now he is 23mo and I know I can leave him to read books, play his train, or watch Sesame Street for up to 20min alone.  This gives me a pretty good window to resettle.  Would you be able to leave your LO for that amount of time?  If you prepare her and talk about it and let her know where you will be with the baby, she may be ok.  This also gives you an amount of time where you can be present with #2 and just relax and focus on her.  When you know there is an end time you may not feel so anxious.


Can you post their routines in EAS form...I may be able to help you align a nap so you can get a break.  I can't promise...as over the last yr I have had times where they align, then we need to make a routine change and then I am back to waiting for the next change.  So maybe some ups and downs, but there is hope and there are answers.

So just to clarify..are you both BF and FF?  Are you giving a total of about 21oz in 24hrs?  Is she swaddled?  Do you have a good WD routine?  Have you read the books?

Lastly are you also posting on the feeding boards?  Does your LO seem to not want to eat and have pain when he eats?

Sorry so many questions but I really think you need a break and I am hoping we can get you one.  I know I needed it.

Sarah