Horrible time at weigh-in

[Hedgehog17]

Hi all,

Just come back in tears from the HV, where I take DS (nearly 5 mo) to be weighed every 2 weeks. He is below the lowest curve on the chart hence the frequent weighings, although he's developing normally and is a very happy healthy little boy!

Today he hadn't put on any weight in 2 weeks  I knew this would be the case - he's just stretched in length again and his head is bigger, he's been really active (learned how to roll front to back, scrunches up his knees under him and scoots forward on his tummy) and he's been fighting during BF (he is EBF), although I do make sure he takes a full feed. Until 2 days ago his nappies were unpleasant for a week, so I reckon he's been throwing off a bug as well (hasn't been obviously ill though).

His pattern of growth is that he lengthens, then fills out afterwards, so he'll put on weight during the filling out period but not during the lengthening. We've seen this happen several times now.

The HV was really horrible, said that he's failing to thrive, and that I have to see the ped asap (we already have a follow-up appointment on 10th March), that my DS has no reserves in case something goes wrong and that I should start giving him baby rice 

I don't want to wean him yet, he's not 5 mo until Saturday, and I wanted to baby-led wean him at 6 mo as he's not the sort of child who will take being spoon fed well! He can't tolerate formula and has eczema (under control) so I don't want to introduce solids too soon because of the history of allergies. I also don't want to fill him with cereals as he'll get more calories from BM. The HV said it won't fill him and that it will increase his weight, but I'm thinking at what cost?

I think he's fine, he is in proportion, has chubby bits on his arms, legs and tummy, is very bright, alert and active, and sleeps pretty well, going down ok for naps & bedtime. He just isn't following their bl**dy chart!!! 

I'm just feeling totally depressed and don't know what to for best for my boy  My instincts tell me he isn't ready for solids yet!

Help me please!!

[~Emma~]

 Aw honey. I'm sorry I have no advice to offer but can offer ((((hugs))))). I think mummy instinct is more than often right and you should go with it. I also think HV's are alot of nonsense. None of their advice is consistant and they tend to go alot 'by the book' rather than by the baby!

 My HV told me the other week the Dylan was waking more in the night because she might be ready for solids.....SHE'S 4 MONTHS OLD!!  Ridiculous.

 ((((hugs)))))My Lovely.

[Texomamama]

Sorry, but the HV seems to sound like a bit of a nitwit to me.  If he is growing normally, and hitting milestones, and you know how he tends to grow (lengthen first, and then fill out), then I would not be worrying too much.  You can't force him to eat.  He will eat when he is hungry.  And, as far as him having "no reserves", we no longer live in caves and have to hunt and gather our food.  What does she think is going to "go wrong"?

My DD1 was also BF and she was never above the 10%-15% ile in her life.  In fact, she spent 12-24 months actually below the charts.  I did worry from the time she was born until she was about 9 mo when I realized she was just not hungry.  Her pediatrician never worried about her and was very supportive of me, sounds like you are not so lucky with the HV.

At almost 5 mo, he probably can indeed tolerate solids, but honestly, if you start them now, as you point out, you will get very little bang for your buck so to speak b/c of the small amount of calories going in.  If you want to wait another month and do BLW, then, by all means, go for it!

[~inbalance~]

Oh my, big (((hugs)))

Sounds so much like how my DS1 was and there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.  So you have no reason to worry.  We went for frequent weigh ins as well and I remember at one after he hadn't gained any weight the nurse said "what's wrong with him, don't you feed him?"    Babies follow their own path of growth and weight is not the only determining factor of how healthy they are.  My boys are not big and will probably never be big, but I am not a big person and DH is tall but has always been skinny, so why would we have big children?

I think you are right to wait for solids and your concerns with them are valid.  Baby rice won't help with his weight anyway as there is very little nutrition to it, if anything it take away from his breastmilk which is obviously more important.

You are doing an excellent job reading your baby, stick with your instincts and ignore that ignorant HV.

[osutuffy]

I'm sorry to hear that they are making you feel like you are doing something wrong. Recently, my FIL came over and told my husband that our DD was too skinny and that we weren't feeding her enough! When I came home and found out he said this I started researching online baby weight. I became obsessed and started comparing her weight to every baby her age and every baby her height. I realized pretty much what you said, she gets long and then fills out. For her height, she is below the curve, for her age she is on the low end of average. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't compare her and that I should wait and see what the doctor says, we had an appointment a week later. The doctor said she was fine and that some people feel that babies should look chubby but that not all babies fit that description. She said that DD was perfectly fine and healthy and that she was growing, which is the most important thing.

If your doctor is telling you he is fine, then let that put you at ease. The doctor has your son's chart and knows how he is growing.

[Tay]

((hugs))
DD also had weight 'issues' (or better HV issues ) and tbh going to the pead was the best thing that ever happened, because he confirmed what I felt rather than what she was saying.
I'll tell you, even though I felt deep inside that there was nothing wrong with DD the HV made me really worried, made me think there was something seriously wrong with her.
The pead said: especially for BF babies weighing that regularly does not give a good overall picture (which is a bit what you're saying, that your LO lengthens and then fills out), a better measure would have probably been to weigh him every 4 weeks, wouldn't it?
The other thing he said was to look out for DD getting droopy, more sleepy, not reaching milestones... which wasn't the case at all. So not to worry.
Keep us posted and don't let the HV get you too annoyed.
xxx

[clazzat]

2 things - firstly, as everyone has said, it's not just about weight, it's about reaching milestones, feeding well, being bright, happy, alert etc.  If she has her own pattern of growth then she is just fine - they don't all follow the charts.  My dd1 didn't grow for 6 months at one point, but then had a massive spurt to make up for it - and dh said that was what he did when he was little too, it's just the way they are.

Secondly, the charts they use are for formula-fed babies, and they are not always useful for BF babies.  BF babies tend to put on more weight in the first 3 months, but then slow down a lot so they often fall down the percentiles after this point.  Here's an article which gives a bit more information: http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/growth/growthcharts.html.

As Tay says, maybe seeing the doc would be a good thing so that he can confirm that there is nothing wrong with your dd and get the HV to back off.  I have to say, nearly every HV I saw was totally useless - and one of them suggested to a friend of mine that she feed her son crisps because he didn't want to eat!  Stick to your mummy instinct - you know what is best for her.

[Hedgehog17]

Awwww THANK YOU ladies for your lovely replies  

I'm feeling better now, have calmed down (poor DS must have been wondering what was up with me!) and talked it all through with DH  

We are going to ignore the HV, and avoid the weighing clinic for the time being. We'll take him to the ped as planned on 10th March. We are NOT going to introduce solids yet!

Had a breakthrough on the breastfeeding / fighting issue tonight - I fully swaddled DS so he couldn't thrash around and he stopped pulling off and yelling   As a result he took a great feed from side 1 (4 let downs - wow!) and a long feed from side 2   Biggest feed ever I think!

It felt a bit awful having to essentially straightjacket him to get him to eat, but hopefully he'll settle down and I won't need to do it for too long... I think the problem is that because he can do all these exciting new movements he seems to think he has to  

Thanks again for your support and encouragement  

[clazzat]

Oh, and incidentally I think I had dd2 weighed about twice - it doesn't seem so important with the second one! - and somehow she survived!  :p  It's not the be-all and end-all, and I think that in your position avoiding the weigh-ins altogether is a good idea.  If you are curious, you can weigh him (sorry I kept saying her in my first post!) at home by weighing yourself, then weighing yourself holding him and subtract your weight from that.

[Shdef]

I think every two weeks is a little too frequent for weigh-ins anyway at that age. From age 0-10 weeks perhaps, but afterwards it just drives you crazy. In a few months, he might actually lose weight when he starts crawling, etc.

If your DS seems really ready for solids, sits well, wants to eat what you eat, starts to not sleep well any more and is hungry after a feed, you can give it a try, but I wouldn't really try anything dairy or cereal yet, not with the history of allergies. The waiting until exactly six months isn't really up to date advice anymore (hard to keep up   ) but just introducing it without him being ready might do more harm than good. Some babies are not interested in solids until 7 or 8 months.

However... I would not totally ignore the clinic either. If that lady is worried about your DS, suggests FTT, then I would go to the paediatrician straight away. 10th of March is a month away   There are many underlying conditions that your ped has to rule out, esp. with a baby who isn't at all in the charts. I don't want you to panic, but if there is anything metabolic, chronic or celiac, etc, it is important to find out sooner rather than later.

As a mum of a child who has been seriously ill I am always on the cautious side.

[Tay]

Agree with Clare, with DS I barely got him weighed... You just learn to stay away from HVs lol
Keep us posted!
xxx

[Shiv52]

Agree with Clare, with DS I barely got him weighed... You just learn to stay away from HVs lol

Same here.  R has been weighed about 3 times and last weigh in HV told me she was a bit concerned as she'd move from 25th to 9th centile but i said I wasn't concerned as she was happy, gaining weight, plenty of wet nappies etc.  And then i pointed out that the growth charts she was using were for FF babies not BF babies.  Are you in UK and have one of those red books?   My HV isn't that impressed or encouraging about BFing and pushes FF at any given chance so I've learn to takke her advice with a pinch of salt. 

Try and not worry.   And avoid the weigh in clinic for a while xx

[Hedgehog17]

Hi again,

Thank you for your replies 

The 10th March appointment with the ped is a follow-up - DS was first seen by the ped on 30th December. At that first appointment he was weighed, length measured, and examined. The ped said there was nothing wrong, and that I was to continue to BF as I was  We are in the UK and have the red book charts 

I don't think there is anything wrong with DS, it's just how he grows! DH was only 8 stone at age 17, and I was pretty skinny as a child, and we both have small heads as adults, so I'd be amazed if DS was any different!

DS is definitely NOT ready for solids yet. He can't sit unsupported (although it won't be long I suspect!), isn't showing interest in what we eat, STTN 7.45pm to 7.30am with DF at 10.30pm, and isn't hungry after feeds. I am watching him closely for any of the signs of readiness, and will make sure he starts then. If that's at 5.5 mo then fine, if it's at 6.5 mo that's also fine 

Continuing with swaddling to feed - it's amazing how much calmer and more focused he is 

As for the HV, I think she's talking out of her rear end, especially about him having no reserves - I even pulled up DS's shirt and showed her his chubby tummy! He's a bit snotty and sniffly today but not obviously unwell. He's throwing off the germs he picked up on Wednesday at the children's centre, and doing a great job 

Unfortunately he's still too little to weigh him accurately by one of us standing on the scales with him (4.98kg / 10lb 15oz) so we put him in a bowl padded with a towel on the kitchen scale which weighs him 4oz more than the HV's scales do.

I'm hoping that the improved feeding with swaddling will help, and we'll see a difference when we weigh him at home next on Monday 

Many thanks again for your help and support 

[Truly Blessed]

This makes me so angry! GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR. My friend had exactly the same scenario with her DS and was also very upset. There is nothing that can replace a mothers instinct...NOTHING! You are the person who spends the most time with your LO and you know him like no other. HV's can be wonderful people but there are times when only you know what is right and wrong. How can they fly the flag for BF and then in the next breathe want you to jump off at a what is in my opinion just a hurdle. Your LO I'm sure will let you know in no uncertain terms if he is too hungry. Trust yourself and please don't be upset. I'm sending you a huge hug and think you should treat yourself to a giant bar of chocolate or something similar.

Love Vicki.x.