I HAVE to wean these NFs...need some help and hand holding

[~inbalance~]

I have let this go on long enough I think, and at 9.5mos F really doesn't need to eat at night anymore.  I've known this for awhile, but it has been so hard for me to gather the courage to really go for it.  Because if I just feed him I'm back in bed in 10mins.  Now, he has slowly gotten better with NWings on his own, and more often we are getting nights with only one NWing to eat.  But often enough we are still having ones with 2 NFs and sometimes 3 or 4 NWings.  At this point I know that he can go long stretches without eating.  Solids and BFing is going well during the day.  I also know that as long as there is the option of a NF, there will be NWings and he will fight for the feed.

Last night he woke before 12 and I put my foot down, resolving not to feed him because it had only been 4hrs and he certainly didn't need it.  Well, didn't that spark quite the ordeal.  1.5hrs of almost straight screaming and protesting.  I know all he wanted was the comfort feed, I just know it.  He would even calm down, and sit there looking at me with this look like "well, what are you waiting for?  You know what you have to do to end this argument!"     And once he finally did get over it and go to sleep, he slept great, so it's not like he was up an hour later asking to be fed.  He really didn't need it, and we both know it!!

I still feel though like I'm not ready to take the plunge.  I'm so tired all the time, and I'm scared of what the night will hold if I don't feed him.  I'm also not sure what to do to calm him, he just screams and screams.  PUPD is not really an option because he has a paci, although I guess what I do is similar.  Usually I will hold him or rock him until he is calm and then put him down.  I did that last night, and he just kept losing it as soon as I put him down.  A few times I got him down and was able to leave, but he'd start again a few minutes later.  Finally I was frustrated so had to step out (it was for the best at the moment).  So he wailed for a few minutes, and when I went in his pyjamas were wet from snot and tears.  So I changed him (no protest from him here, he just started and cooed at me  ), then I did what I do when I put him down (sleep sack, cuddle, lullaby), put him down and he went back to sleep without issue.

Guess I just need a little encouragement that if I go for it, tonight, that in a few days or a week things will be better.  I keep saying "not tonight, I'll start tomorrow night" or "I'll start on the weekend when DH is here" but I know he will be useless no matter what so I shoud just get on with it.  I'm scared!!   

[~*Nicole*~]

Well since last night ended up working out well in the end (albeit after a LONG time ) I would imagine if you kept up the same sort of thing it might get shorter and shorter each night and not take too terribly long. Seems if you re-do your winddown type stuff he associates it with sleep and knows how to get to sleep. So maybe if you were to hold him, distract him with something else to get him calm, re-do your winddown and try to get him to go back to sleep, each night you could shorten the process? Maybe while you're re-doing your winddown you can be using a sleep phrase or something that after a few nights you could just try to use while you came into the room and patted him or rubbed his back or something (trying to get it to the point where you aren't having to take him out of the crib) and then from there not touching him and only using your voice, etc. etc.? Something like that?

I'll be here to hold your hand though!!!!

[Colin Macs Mom]

I still feel though like I'm not ready to take the plunge.  I'm so tired all the time, and I'm scared of what the night will hold if I don't feed him.

Martina! You ARE ready, you already did it!!!! You know what the night will hold if you don't feed him? SLEEP!!   You both know for sure he doesn't need it and he slept great after you didn't give in. You can do this!

[mmom]

I will hold your hand too, although I don't think you need it.   I think that as soon as F realizes he is not going to get fed, it will get easier quickly.  You know how it is when you are in it - it feels never ending and exhausting.  But weeks later, the desired outcome really didn't take that long.  I bet you will even see a difference after 1 week.

[~inbalance~]

See, this is why I posted.  Thank you!!   

Nicole, I like your suggestions.  I always try to hold him and comfort him, but he resists and fights and screams at me.  But if he's going to be up anyway, at least at first, I can try re-doing our bedtime routine to calm him down and hopefully reset him into sleep mode.

He's such a tricky monkey, I mean he goes down for bed so beautifully and without a peep.  So I know he can put himself to sleep.  I don't feed him to sleep at bedtime so I don't know why he wants to be nursed so bad.  Just habit I guess.

Ok, tonight then, just do it I guess?

[mmom]

tonight then, just do it I guess?

YES!! 

[Tweakster]

You know what the night will hold if you don't feed him? SLEEP!!

Yes and it's wonderful :-D

We're all here for you hon, give it a go.

[tigerlilly905]

Maybe while you're re-doing your winddown you can be using a sleep phrase or something that after a few nights you could just try to use while you came into the room and patted him or rubbed his back or something (trying to get it to the point where you aren't having to take him out of the crib) and then from there not touching him and only using your voice, etc. etc.? Something like that?

I was going to say something similar.  DS still has a NW from time to time and we're working through SA, but the best thing I've found for us around this age has been a gentle touch/pat on the back, and reassuring words.  I think sometimes lo's just need to know you're there, kwim?  Maybe for F it's just the comfort of the breast that does that at night, but I'm thinking maybe if you replace that with a touch and using your voice he might be able to settle himself a lot faster? 

Holding your hand and sending a ((hug))   You can do it! xo

[~*Nicole*~]

Go for it!!!!!!!! We're all here!

[*Liz*]

I think you already started last night - no point stopping now  .

Come on lady - you can do it  .

I remember one fight with J as a toddler - he had been wailing on and off for hours. I'd get up and fix him and he would go nuts again. Basically wanted me to stay or take him downstairs. The crying was anger as I wasn't giving in. And J is so stubborn - I though it would never end and was just about to put him in bed with me when I suddenly thought 'two can be stubborn mate. This is a battle of wills and I will not be beaten by a 12 mth old'. He must have sensed my new found strength as he pretty much gave up on the next WIWO.

If F is spirited for sleep less is probably more - so reassuring with your voice rather than PUs. If I held J to calm him at that age he put on a pantomime just for me!! If I sat where he couldn't see me and reassured and left as soon as he was calming he was very easy to get down.

[~inbalance~]

Another reason why I decided to post, now you all know I have to go for it so I guess there is no backing down now.    Otherwise I'd be talking myself out of it from now until he goes to school or something. 

I'm not as afraid of the first battle of the night as I am the subsequent ones.  I've got it in me to do one long battle of wills, but am scared of when he wakes up at 4 and I have to do it all again, and even more tired than the first time!

And at what time do I feed him, hold off all the way until 7 no matter what?  Because it is probably around 5am that I would waiver, at that point I will be desperate and know that one little feed will buy me that last hour or two of sleep.  What a mess I will be if I'm up fighting with him from 5am onwards and then never get to go back to sleep.

This is why I need help!! 

[~*Nicole*~]

Personally, I wouldn't feed him before say 6:30/7 (basically a time you'd consider a reasonable/normal wake up time). Basically, I'd hold out until you decide it's time to wake up for the day and have his first feed. I only say this knowing that he eats really well, is gaining weight and it doesn't appear to me that he nutritionally needs any NFs at this time. A different LO and I'd have a different thought on it. Esp. one who doesn't eat well during the day or whatever. You know he's using the nursing for comfort and doesn't need the calories. It's going to suck if he wakes up in the early morning and doesn't go back to sleep though. It will be a hard day for sure, but I know you can do it!!!!

[clazzat]

I'm here for you, and I agree with everyone else!  You did start last night, so don't give up now - you can definitely do it.

[scucci1979]

Martina, you can do it!

[sensfan]

When E had another NW a few nights after she started STTN I was really tempted to go back too. But I just kept reminding myself that she'd proven she didn't need it, and that helped me stick it out. It's so worth it. You can do it!