don't make food a battleground

[Inara]

You know, I notice a lot of people here talking about two basic potential sources for problems: 1) doesn't like the food in question or 2) not hungry.  I am 100% sure that we have neither issue here.  The meltdown night was over refried beans.  She LOVES these!  She didn't even want to touch them, but then once she (finally) tried some, the little light went on (oh yeah, I love this!) and she chowed down.  In terms of hunger she hardly eats at lunch already, because the daycare lunch menu consists mostly of things I know she doesn't like.  She pretty much just has some fruit every lunch, and one of the first things out of her mouth at pick-up is "snack?".  So I know she's hungry, she's just being toddler ornery.  My question is, what are the approaches to dealing with that, and what are the benefits/pitfalls of each method?  I hear a lot of people worrying that if they insist in any way that food control will only get worse.  But then I also hear from parents who've chosen not to insist on anything but who still have children who are very picky.

[Peek-a-boo]

So I know she's hungry, she's just being toddler ornery.  My question is, what are the approaches to dealing with that, and what are the benefits/pitfalls of each method?

Honestly, I'd still let her ask to be excused.  If she asks for more food later, offer her the same food. 

Some people have a "one bite rule"--LO must take at least one bite before being excused, but with my spirited DS short of pinning him down and stuffing food down his throat or duct-taping him to his chair to keep him there until he did it voluntarily it just wasn't going to happen.

If she's refusing out of toddler orneriness, then the bigger deal you make of it--either from a cajoling or authoritarian angle--the more power-struggle you create and the more you encourage her orneriness.  If she likes and she's hungry, eventually she'll come back for it.   

[Katet]

Unfortunately there really isn't a one size fits all, personality comes into play a lot. My sensitive/spirited child is like PP, pinning him down would turn into a battle ground. For my DS2 the one bite rule does ok because his personality is different.

[Inara]

Hmmmm.  Ok so I see the point about giving too much attention to her when she's like this.  Just to clarify, she's not asking to be excused, she's asking for something different to eat.  (If I tried to take her down without eating she'd flip out then, too, because she's hungry.)  We took the approach a while back of only offering one food at a time, and only small portions - we give her more/other once she's finished what she has.  We did that because she had - and has - a tendency to treat the largess as an invitation to "play" and she'll throw things, dump them in her cup, etc.  So by only giving her a little, she treats what she has with more respect.  So she'll ask to move on to something else, usually her fruit, and then get upset when I tell her that she needs to have at least one bite of the first portion.

[Peek-a-boo]

Ah--then I'd just kindly hold your ground.  If she has a fit, I would personally take her to another room to cool off and let her know her option are to return to the table and eat what has been offered or to be excused and be done. 

I might personally experiment with giving her small portions of more than one food at a time.  Now that she's older she may be better able to handle it.  Having the choice of what to eat may make her feel a little more empowered--less need to battle.

[Brock~Tahlia~Mummy]

Wow I thought I was one of the few who found some meal times a "battleground"!
I have no idea with my DS! He has always been in the 85th plus percentile but isn't a huge eater. He'll go through stages of eating like an adult, trying new foods etc or be the complete opposite! He may only want dry plain crackers or biscuits of some sort. Even with how he eats, sometimes he wants to self feed and othertimes he wants me to do it. He also will play with food then eat it!?? Which is very confusing. My DS has no real "way" of eating because it seems to change all the time! It's very confusing and makes it hard to be consistant with rules.
I agree they won't starve but my worry is lack of energy if they don't eat food? Or lack of healthy food? My DS ref all fruit besides the odd banana. But will eat orange vegies if mashed with meat and some type of sauce (fed by mummy).
He plays with yogurt so I end up feeding it to him.
I give him a multivitamin daily as he really should be eating more fresh fruit/veg.
I make dinner every night and if I know DS doesn't like it I make him 1 lamb chop with creamy pasta and brocoli sauce.( I found out his likes and dislikes by offering DS a taste  of the new meal from my plate with his dinner so if he didn't like it he still had something to eat that he did like.)
The only time he gets a second option is when he shows signs of teething or illness and usually he just wants apple purée and dry crackers, once he seems over his illness I go back to only offering what I've cooked for dinner.
With Breakfast I offer 2 types on one plate and leave him to it. With snacks he'll generally munch on a healthy musili bar/ home made muffin bar/banana/smoothie etc.
We eat lunch together, either at a cafe or at home. This is where he'll insist he has no help to eat and use a fork to eat a spinich roll/mini quiche/toasted sw etc.
If he knocks back lunch he isn't given amything else (again it's things I know he'll eat and if it's new I offer a taste of my meal.)
With new tastes I'll say " try some of mummys xxxx" if he says yes but doesn't like it I say that's ok mummy like it and eat it. Or if he doesn't eat his food I say that's ok Brock not hungry for food. I act like I'm not phased even if I am! I guess over a week his food consumption is pretty good but it does really stress me out!!!
Hugs sweetie xxx sorry I haven't any real advice but I thought I'd share xx