please help me help Caleb sleep after this horrific Earthquake

[irishprettykitty]

it could be that once he is asleep he forgets about it and has nice dreams but its the falling asleep bit that lets his wee mind wander and brings up the memories. I would take it as a very good sign that he is sttn for you. imo after a while of feeling safe whilst falling asleep he will be ok again

[babybarr]

(((((hugs))))) Jo so glad you're all ok.

Sorry if this has been mentioned already (haven't read the entire thread) but do you have a double bed?  I wonder if Caleb could sleep under the duvet and you lie on top and then once he's been asleep say half an hour you can leave I do think it's probably easier on you both for a while to co sleep.

[Brock~Tahlia~Mummy]

Hey Jo, how are things?
what Irishprettykitty said! Maybe he's finding it hard to fall asleep
but once he's there he feels ok? Almost like wayyyy back when I was sleep training with B he settled ok but found it hard to resettle, maybe C is opposite for now until he feels safe? Just do what you can hun, he just needs you and thank god you guys are safe xxx
xxx hugs xxx

[Me.and.my.two.boys]

Thank God you are all safe and well. I agree with what ppl have said with the cosleeping thing - it will just take time i think. x

[jakobsmommy]

cant imagine how you must all be feeling, must be traumatic for you all

do what you feel is right, but i think i would cosleep too and deal with the aftermath when its a bit less fresh in his mind.

good idea about the story, dont know if id introduce it straight away (unless hes seeing stuff on the tv and showing interest) may bring up the fears again ?  but would certainly be great for future prep.

good luck (take advantage of the extra rest - 'housework will be here when your dead and gone' my nan used to say)

[missyb]

OMG I never even registered you were in NZ, let alone Chch.

I agree with the others that co-sleeping and a fair bit APOP is in order,  but as another fellow Kiwi (in auckland) I just wanted to send you and your family the hugest of hugs.  I hope that all your family and friends are safe and well.

[*Jo*]

well i did the co sleeping thing for the nap today cos as soon as I said it was time for sleep he started crying and holding me tight.
It didnt work well. we both fell asleep but as soon as I even move my leg or any body part he wakes up, sits up and cries!!! I turned over at one point because my arm was going dead and he just cried and cried and cried cos he wasnt lying on my chest anymore. also we got very hot and sticky being so close. im feeling a bit suffocated right now. he didnt even sleep that much cos it was so yucky being together, he only slept about 50mins.

Bedtime is in about an hour and Im dreading it, literally stressing about it. I cant co sleep if he wont actually sleep properly, if i cant even move in the bed all night. i cant lie on my back, im pregnant and not supposed to do that but he wants me to lie on my back so he can lie on my chest.

[Manueli]

i cant lie on my back, im pregnant and not supposed to do that but he wants me to lie on my back so he can lie on my chest

As long as you don't feel uncomfortable when lying on your back, or get short breath, you should be fine. I am also 16 weeks pregnant and lie on my back cause it doesn't feel bad and my doctor said that it is fine if I feel fine. Just as a side note, cause that doesn't really help your problem with him waking up as soon as you move. I don't think there is really much you can do right now with him being this sensitive to every movement, except for giving him lots of love and all the support he needs, which you clearly do. This probably doesn't sound very comforting to you right now, but I think time and your support is the only thing that will heal his trauma.

I remember when I was a kid drifting off to sleep was sometimes really scary, but once I was asleep I was a deep sleeper and never woke up and I have never had any nightmares in my whole life. Caleb might be the same way and that is why he has troubles going to sleep. Is he also this sensitive to motion when you try co-sleeping for night time, or is it just naps? I wonder if it would be better for you two to not co-sleep if he gets more rest at night sleeping alone in his bed. Maybe then staying with him and cuddling him in his bed is a better way to go. For naps I would just try to do whatever works right now, no matter how short the nap is, and maybe move his bedtime ahead a bit to compensate for the lost nap time, if you can.

I wish you all all the best and hope that things will get back to more or less normal sooner than later!

[*Jo*]

it is uncomfortable sleeping on my back unfortunately.

well I managed a much better bedtime tonight. He was still pretty upset and worked up but my MIL gave me this little mini glitter lava lamp last night and I put it by his bed, have to shake it to make the colours work but it gave him something else to focus on for about 5mins and I would just rub his back. Then I let the light go out and kept rubbing his back. all up it took 30mins to get him to fall asleep, then I stayed for another 10mins just in case he woke up so I would still be there. It wasnt easy but it was easier to do it this way, I wasnt stressing out, just sat there calmly rubbing his little back. so it still took a long time to get him to sleep but not as long as the past few nights leaving him less and less nightsleep

I think I will continue to do it this way, I just cannot co sleep, Im not a co sleeper, i need my own space, especially right now. Im willing to do anything though to help him and if i do need to co sleep then I will, its just that he sleeps ON me, not just next to me and just from todays nap my back is hurting.

I keep telling myself this will soon pass, its been pretty rough for him. Today during one of the many aftershocks he looked at me, ran to me for hugs and said "shake shake" and I tried to turn it into a bit of a positive for him, i said "yes the ground does a shakey shakey dance! we had the music on and it wanted to dance with us! so whenever the ground does a shakey shakey dance we should do a shakey shakey dance too! but we will do it under the doorway" and he just started telling me this big story about the shakey shakey dance on the ground and by the door. It was very cute, I hope it helped him, I really do. It breaks my heart to see him like this.

Mind you hes been through a heck of  alot lately, Im surprised he hasnt been like this already. Ive been waiting for it but it hasnt happened. Guess I should be thankful for that at least

[jakobsmommy]

well done x great idea about the shakey dance too, there must be other mums who have been through the same thing who could offer advice? do you have childrens centre or similar in NZ?

neither of mine are great co sleepers and DS2 likes to like across me and it is suffocating! big sympathy with the additional bump too x

wishing you a better naptime today x

[Chicane]

You're doing wonderfully Jo. So strong. Caleb has your strength too and I think in no time he's going to be back to normal. You're doing great! Awesome!

[*Jo*]

oh forgot to mention, Deb I still had that melatonin drink in the freezer, hadnt thrown it out just yet and im glad I didnt, I gave it to him tonight, he loved it, I tried some of it, its so bitter I could only stand a sip, but he loves it!! lol

when the bottle says it takes 2 weeks to work do you think thats the same for kids or just adults? either way Im gonna keep giving it to him to help him. am glad you reminded me of that

[deb]

I can't speak to the 2 weeks to work. With mine it took maybe 20 minutes. The first time. The trick for us was finding a dose that was strong enough to help them get sleepy without making them groggy the next morning. Now we only use it when they're too keyed up to wind down, which any more is maybe once a month, but for a while it was more nightly, then a couple times a week,  especially around the time changes.

[irishprettykitty]

melatonin only worked with finn for a week or so then back to waking through the night. hopefully the nightlight lava lamp keeps helping and he will be ok in a week or so

[Brock~Tahlia~Mummy]

Hugs Jo xxx  you're doing great at getting through it. That's all you can do? Is just get through each day, do what you need to do for you and Caleb.
Many hugs xxx