Ideas for getting DD to eat properly again?!

[sianie]

Hi ladies....

Could really do with some advice on my DD's eating. She'll be 3 in June & generally she has been a pretty good eater. She's had a few fussy phases which I know is normally but ATM it is getting very challenging (& frustrating!) to get her to eat anything & this has now been going on for a while.

Her speech is now pretty good so I ask her what she wants for breakfast & she'll say 'toast' or whatever but when she has it in front of her she picks & plays with it but will hardly eat a thing. I've tried giving her different things to eat/ choices etc but this hasn't worked. She's the same for lunch & dinner in that I'll make her something she's asked for & then she'll say she 'doesn't like it'/ isn't hungry etc and also comes up with all sorts of other tactics to avoid eating (needs a wee etc).

DH is from the school of 'She sits there until she's eaten everything on her plate' but I think that this just makes the situation worse (+ DH doesn't have to deal with it day in, day out!  ) & I don't want to lock horns with her over it as I don't want her to have negative associations of food & mealtimes iykwim?

I'm just getting fed up of every mealtime being a battle with her & I've run out of things to try.

Would really appreciate any ideas! 

[Mom to M&M]

As you'll note from my MONSTROUS thread below yours, I'm no expert on the topic. BUT, I do agree that your DD should not be required to sit until she finishes everything on her plate - as that only (1) makes it more of a battle and (2) might teach her to eat when not hungry. Nothing wrong with encouraging her to sit with the rest of the family though, with no pressure to eat if she doesn't want to.

Is she eating much of anything at all these days? Is there one meal she's hungriest for? Would she want a smoothie or the like? Or is she filling up on milk or juice and not hungry for meals?

[sianie]

Hi Karen!

I think part of the problem is that she's a grazer rather than a 3 meals a day child if that makes sense? She has a sweet tooth (but what nearly 3 yr old doesn't!) but I'd like to think I'm pretty careful about what she eats & limit sweets etc to treats. A lot of the fods she used to love when she was younger like baked potatoes/ spaghetti bolognese etc she just says she 'doesn't like' any more 

She's the same really for all meals, breakfast is probably her worst meal which bearing in mind she hasn't eaten all night I find a bit strange. She's doesn't really drink much milk & has water with her meals but not much that she could be filling up on.

I make most meals from scratch & have tried a variety of different foods/recipes out on her but nothing seems to work. She's a spirited little girl at the best of times & has a very stubborn streak (wonder where she gets that from  !!).

[Shiv52]

One thing that has helped here is not giving open choices.  So not asking 'what would you like for breakfast?' as she always said toast and jam and then didn't eat it.  By saying 'do you want porridge or fruit and yogurt for breakfast' I have gotten M to eat a better variety of food.  I offer two choices for lunch too but dinner is just what we are having and there is no choice. 

M has quite a sweet tooth too but I have noticed at the minute she is eating so little that even a small treat is filling her up or curbing her hunger enough to not be keen to eat proper food so I have binned the sweet stuff for a while and her eating has picked up in general.   

{{{hugs}}} It is so tough but I think you are doing the right things.  I am really relaxed (on the outside) if she does/doesn't eat but it does drive me mad.  For dinner tonight I did potatoes, beans and fish fingers.  She ate no potato, one piece of fish and all the beans.  And then after came and asked me for some mallows!  She didn't get those but I will give her porridge now before bed. A 'you need to eat all your dinner' approach would not work here.  M is very spirited and I think her will power would outlast mine!  Besides I have enough battles in the day without adding mealtimes in to the mix.

How would she be if you cut snacks for a while?  i have cut our pm snack but have left our am snack as she does seem to need it to keep her going to lunch. 

[sianie]

Thanks Shiv!

Good point about the choices, I'll give that a go.

I'm really trying not to get cross about it all, but day in, day out it gets me down, especially when I have DS to feed too.

As she isn't eating hardly any breakfast, she has a snack at 9.30/10am which is generally a banana/toast/raisins etc then lunch around midday. She naps 1-2pm & has a snack when she wakes (she's hungry as she hasn't had much lunch) then dinner at around 5pm....I guess it's a bit of a vicious circle isn't it?

WWYD about her not sitting nicely to eat & generally using any delay/distraction tactics not to eat?

[anna*]

I'd stop the snacks. Do lunch early if necessary, but she's more likely to eat a decent lunch if she hasn't had a snack mid-morning.

If she's determined to delay/avoid eating, there's not much you can do. I'd just ignore the behaviour, let her know that if she's hungry she needs to eat now because once you put the food away lunch is over, then follow through. If she wants to gad about and play instead of eat, she won't waste away before the next mealtime!

(((hugs))) I know it's so hard. Nothing makes me angrier quicker than messing about over eating - I think it's the mama instinct to feed our young.

[sianie]

Thanks Anna....ok, will stop the snacks from tomorrow & see if this helps.

I think part of the messing about at mealtimes is partly her seeing it as a bit of a game.....I must sound like a broken record asking her to 'sit nicely please' all the time!

We went out for dinner earlier this eve for DH's birthday (a great, child-friendly Italian restaurant) & despite having lots of yummy different foods in front of her to try, she nibbled a bit of pizza & then kept asking for ice-cream!!?? I now dread meal times & especially eating out as it's just not an enjoyable experience any more!

[anna*]

I think part of the messing about at mealtimes is partly her seeing it as a bit of a game.....I must sound like a broken record asking her to 'sit nicely please' all the time!

Totally get this! I had to make myself just shut up and stop thinking about manners. I've learned with Stan that if he is hungry he will sit and eat. If he's not, then he's messing about and he can skip the meal. He does know that the rule is that there's no dessert unless he's tasted everything on his plate - he doesn't have to eat it, he doesn't have to like it, but he does have to taste it.

[anna*]

It's not that I don't care about table manners... for me, this is one of those 'pick your battles' moments. I CAN"T on the one hand try to make eating enjoyable and relaxed, and at the same time be picking up on table manners. I figure I can deal with that later, and for now just try and make mealtimes good times for us all. I try not to comment on his behaviour at all at the table - but if he stays for a reasonable time and eats reasonably well, then when we're clearing up I'll just casually comment on what a nice meal that was and how it's so nice to all eat together as a family.

[sianie]

Totally agree about the pick your battles comment Anna, I've had to learn to do that with DD a lot!!

Do you just let him get up & down from the table as he wants? This is half the battle with trying to get M to eat, she is up & down like a yo-yo & it drives me mad!!

[anna*]

Do you just let him get up & down from the table as he wants? This is half the battle with trying to get M to eat, she is up & down like a yo-yo & it drives me mad!!

Well, I do find that if he's hungry he will sit and eat.

If he's up and down from the beginning of the meal, usually I will ignore it (mostly - a couple of reminders that his lunch is here), but then give him a warning that I'm going to be tidying up in five minutes and then lunch is over, so if he wants to eat anything he'd better come now.

If he's eaten a bit and then starts to get down, I'll usually ask him if he's finished. If he says yes but hasn't tasted everything then I'll remind him that if he wants his yoghurt he'll need to taste those green beans. If he says no he hasn't finished I'll say OK, but remember once I tidy up there's no more lunch. And then give him a warning before I tidy up.

We did have to totally cut out snacks though. Stan is different in that he always wants a big breakfast, but the other meals can be hit and miss.

[sianie]

Thanks Anna, that's interesting.....

This morning is a good example of M....she was awake at 7am, we had breakfast around 8am, she wanted some cereal which I gave her & then she pushed the bowl away & said she didn't want it, *sigh!*. I explained that this was the breakfast she wanted & if she didn't eat it then there wouldn't be anything else, so she got down from the table & went off to play. Around 9.30am she said she was hungry & that she wanted some toast. I did make her some (maybe I shouldn't have) but she did eat it. DH has never been a breakfast person, he'll have a cup of tea but can never eat first thing & usually has breakfast around 9am-ish so maybe she's the same?

[anna*]

Absolutely, I think lots of people aren't really big eaters first thing. (((hugs))) it's so frustrating having to throw all that food away though isn't it?!

[Mom to M&M]

My DS is very similar (so is my DH actually) in that they DO like breakfast, just not for quite a while after waking. DD and I can eat practically right away usually!

With DD around that age we used to tell her it was fine if she barely ate any breakfast (or lunch) but there wouldn't be any snacks until X time, and snacks were either fresh fruit or nuts if she wasn't eating well (whole grain toast would have been OK too).

[sianie]

M also goes to nursery 2 days a week & I know their snack time is at 9.30am & she always eats loads (as she's not had hardly any breakfast).

I could do her breakfast later & do cereal etc but the I guess the knock on effect will be she probably won't want lunch at 12pm & then she naps 1-2pm etc.  It's much easier for me to feed both LO's at the same time otherwise I'd constantly being making meals for one or the other throughout the day.