Author Topic: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)  (Read 10650 times)

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Offline SleeplessinSSCO

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14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« on: March 08, 2011, 21:12:01 pm »
Here are the facts....we co-sleep, my dd is 14 mo and isn't night weaned. We have a crib right next to our bed and one in her room as well. I rock her/nurse her to sleep every nap and at night (though if she wakes in the night she finds me and nurses herself back to sleep).  She naps 2x a day. Usually 930 and 145 for about 45 min - sometimes 1hr. She goes to bed at 7:30 or 8 and wakes up between 6 and 7.
 
Here are my goals...I would like her to learn to fall asleep independently (for naps and night sleep). We've tried CIO and it was horrific. She is a "slow to warm" child and it was extremely tramatic for her. I didn't know better and thought I'd give it a week. At the end of that week she was screaming if I went anywhere near her room while holding her. She is now back to being friends with her room and both cribs. She plays in the cribs 5 - 10 min a day with me in the room.
I don't need to night wean her if it's not necessary. I don't mind a feeding or two at night. But I will night wean if it's the best answer.

I want to stop rocking her / nursing her to sleep.
I would like to end our co-sleeping arrangement.
I would like her to fall asleep independently. 
I would like to use a method that is reassuring to her. I've read toddler and infant baby whisperer guides.

What should I tackle first? Should I use a sleep training guide? I live in the sticks, so no one would come to me, but I was thinking of some online help packages?
Should I do it all at once?
Please advise!!!
Thanks in advance for your help.

Offline Roseii

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2011, 22:07:00 pm »
Hi sweetie (((hugs))) You sound determined to get sorted so that's great! I'm so sorry your LO went through CIO, and pleased she seems ok now :)

As she is 14mo this belongs in toddler sleep so I expect a mod will be along soon to move it over :)

Ok so for her age group we tend to use 2 methods, gradual withdrawal or walk-in walk-out. My snap judgement would be that GW might be the way to start for you, but have a look into both (see threads on toddler sleep board) and see what you think.

My advice is: Set quite a strict routine in the sense of wake-ups, naps and bedtime, just so you can avoid her getting over-tired.

Personally I think tackle it all at once. You'll already be making a big change by ending the co-sleeping, I don't see the point in working really hard to tackle that yet carrying on the other props such as nightfeeds, you know? But it's totally up to you how much you want to tackle in one go of course. And start naps and nightimes at the same time, it will only confuse her if you AP her to sleep for a nap but expect her to go down independently at night.

You say you want to end the co-sleeping, do you want her in her own room?

So, in a nutshell GW involves putting her in her cot awake and stying with her til she falls asleep, giving her the comfort she needs (shhing, patting etc) but reducing that interaction, contact and proximity night by night until you get to the stage that you are sitting by her door and then eventually she doesn't need you in there anymore. There will be a lot of crying, that's unavoidable, but you will not leave her alone to cry. Does that make sense?

Let me know what you think and we can come up with a plan of action for you :)

I only started "sleep training" when my LO was 13mo too, I know the feeling. xxx
Blessed mum to two home-birthed darling water babies

hey you with the pretty face, welcome to the human race


Offline SleeplessinSSCO

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2011, 22:16:19 pm »
Thanks Charli!  I tried to post in the Toddler section but my computer was saying the page couldn't be found...so...I thought I'd post in the next best spot!
I like the sounds of the GW.   I wouldn't mind jumping in with both feet and tackling it all at once, like you said, better than dragging it out.
I would like her to eventually be in her room, but it's not a big deal if she's in our room for another few months or whatever. I just think she'd sleep better on her own cot so my movements don't cause her to stir? But i'm open to suggestions/influence on this point. It would be easier for me to soothe her if I could just lay on my bed and stick my arm through the crack to pat her back or whatever but if keeping her in our room makes it harder on her to become an independent sleeper I can easily sleep in her room for a few weeks.
I'm definitely nervous about the crying. She was EXTREMELY colicky the first 5 months so my crying tolerance is really low now! I'm going to need some support from you ladies!!
 

Offline Roseii

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2011, 22:19:57 pm »
I know that feeling. Just remember she is crying because it's new and she doesn't like it, not because she is hurting. And awful as this sounds you could always get some earplugs, I have seen that suggested a few times on here!

Ok I really think you would be best to start off in her own room, bite the bullet and do it all in one go. I actually had a mattress on DD1's floor for a few weeks (we did very very gradual withdrawal btw, it doesn't have to take that long :P)
Blessed mum to two home-birthed darling water babies

hey you with the pretty face, welcome to the human race


Offline my3girlsjde

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2011, 00:25:43 am »
Hi there,

I'm a huge fan of GW. I've had great success with it with all my lo's and it's the least painful approach to sleep training.

I agree that biting the bullet and setting up camp in her room would be the best way to go. Just one less transition to make after she's sleeping independently in her own crib.

I'm going to move this over to toddler sleep, where more 'eyes' can see this and give you a hand with it :)
Vicki - nursing student and proud mother to three refluxers in two years





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Offline lauranoah

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2011, 02:27:37 am »
Hi,
I am going to be watching this thread to see how you get on because I am in a very similar postion with my 13 month old son. He is also a very slow to warm personality and has never STTN. I want to tackle his sleep but am most worried about stopping the feeding to sleep at nap times (no support here and home alone with him during the days). Anyway... off on a short holiday in 2 weeks so not going to do anything before then. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

Offline sianie

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2011, 08:58:00 am »
Hi there...

Here's a link to GW....I agree with PP's that this is what we would recommend rather than WI/WO which is used for LO's who have been previously been independent sleepers...

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

Do you have a copy of 'The Baby Whisperer Solves All your Problems'?....there's a great section called 'Teaching Babies How to Sleep' which you would find really helpful.

Could you please post your current routine (including night wakings & night feeds etc), this will really help us get a better understanding of what's going on?  :)

Sian



Offline SleeplessinSSCO

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2011, 17:35:57 pm »
Current routine is:
Baby wakes at 555 or 615 or 645 and nurses until she's fully awake and then we get up
when she shows me tired signs (845 - 10 am) I wrap her in her favorite blanket nurse/rock her to sleep in the darkened bedroom while standing/swaying. Sometimes takes 2 min, sometimes 15min. Lay down with her on my bed when she's asleep and get up and leave the room once she unlatches. She will nap from 30 min to 1 hr. Sometimes she wakes at 30 min and cries and I nurse her back to sleep and leave again.
For the afternoon nap, same routine. Usually happens around 1 - 2. Sometimes I will run with her in the jogging stroller for the afternoon nap.
In the evening we take a bath, eat dinner, change into jammies and then play quiet games until she looks tired or signs sleep or nurse. Ususally 645 to 730pm. I do the same routine as for naps. Wrap her in blanket, rock and nurse to sleep sometimes humming too. Lay down with her for the night unless I need to get up and do something and then she often wakes up 30 min after i lay her down or 1 hr after (if i've left the bed). If I stay in bed with her she normally dream feeds at 1030 without opening her eyes. Sometimes she will wake 2x per night, sometimes (last night for example) she wakes 10x per night and cries out and tries to nurse and sometimes I have to get up and rock her back to sleep. She can access the nursies without my help so sometimes she does this and I sleep through it.
My husband works 48 hr shifts so I won't have help sleep training the little one.
Do you suggest I start with naps or the night sleep? I know I will tackle all at once, but the day I start up, should I start with naps or wait until the night? 


Offline my3girlsjde

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2011, 19:38:34 pm »
I would definitely start with naps first when you're both fresh and less likely to get stressed over it all. That way when nighttime comes and you're both tired, the lessons of the day will still be there.
Vicki - nursing student and proud mother to three refluxers in two years





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Offline Roseii

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2011, 21:59:08 pm »
Yes I agree with Vicki re starting with naps, I found it's easier to stick to your guns in the daytime too :)

Her first A time seems quite short...perhaps this is because her nights are quite disturbed, but maybe something to think about that she may need more A time first thing to get a decent length nap.

You sound like a wonderful, caring mama, I know this will be really hard for you so start "sleep training" when you really feel you need to, not because you feel you "should" iykwim? In the "No Cry Sleep Solution" Pantley makes the good point that you shouldn't sleep train because "your aunt" or whoever thinks your baby should be on more of a routine, do it if/when YOU want and need to.

That said, I definitely think you're doing the right thing by nipping this in the bud :) Just take a gentle approach then hopefully you won't end up going back on it and confusing her more.

(((hugs))) and good luck :-*
Blessed mum to two home-birthed darling water babies

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Offline SleeplessinSSCO

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2011, 00:38:01 am »
Thanks! I need to pick up that other baby whisperer book. I'm searching the library online database for it right now.
I am definitely doing this because I think it will be good for little one and for me - I can't imagine it's very fun not knowing how to fall asleep. I'm also selfish in that I'd like a full 8 hrs one of these days! 
I tried to have nap #1 start at 10 or 1030 but it bumps her 2nd nap to 300pmand it makes her bedtime 830 and she still wakes up at 600am.

Offline Roseii

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2011, 07:31:45 am »
Good stuff :) At 14m you might want to think about capping the first nap and aiming for a longer 2nd nap anyway (or long first nap, second catnap), therefore the time between them wouldn't be too long...
xxx
Blessed mum to two home-birthed darling water babies

hey you with the pretty face, welcome to the human race


Offline SleeplessinSSCO

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2011, 16:30:26 pm »
Okay, today was day 1. Please tell me if you think I should modify my routine.  930 looked sleepy. Signed sleep. Nursed and rocked her until eyes were fluttering. Walked to crib and said " this is different but we are going to learn how to fall asleep on our own" she had eyes open and when I laid her down she said " mamaaaaa" but laid there for 5 min in the quiet. Then got up and played with the blanket for 15 min then started crying.  I sat next to her repeating "it's ok we are going to sleep now" and laid her back down a few times. Then I decided to sing to her. The second I started singing she closed her eyes. I was also brushing her forehead / hair with my hand. She never opened her eyes again and I stopped touching her within 2 min and stopped singing in 5 min. Start to stop my part took 40 min though her eyes closed at 35 min.  Did i just create more sleep crutches? What would you do??  What should I do differently?

Offline Buntybear

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2011, 16:58:31 pm »
Hi, that sounds good to me for a start. She fell asleep in her cot with minimal contact from you. Sounds like your voice was enough re-assurance for her. Do you think that if you hadn't have been strolking her head she would have still gone to sleep? If so then I would refrain from doing that next time.

Just my opinion though. Sure some experts will offer some more tips for you.

I am at the stage you are at now.. needs my presence and a bum pat to get to sleep so will be listening in for advice too!

xx

Offline SleeplessinSSCO

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Re: 14 month old sleep training advice (NEED LOTS OF IT!!)
« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2011, 01:39:15 am »
Can I just say how nice it is to have some positive encouragement and support from all of you!  Thank you!  Nap 2 happened in the jogger accidentally.  But it was probably because nap 1 was short. Nursed and rocked her tonight, put her down sleepy and she cried maybe 30 seconds and then just blinked slowly as I sang for a few min and then closed her eyes. Kept singing and stoking her hair for a few min then took outta there and am sitting at the table with nothing to do!  Hooray!  I know I'm in for a long night and some long days to come, but so far not quite as traumatic as I'd imagined.