1 year old-good routine-now crying when I put her down

[Rosalind]

Hi everyone,

I recently went back to work, only two days a week, but have noticed some changes in my LO.  She cries sometimes when I leave the room to go to the kitchen and has started crying when I put her down for a nap and at bed time.  I think it's seperation anxiety.  She's an independent sleeper and is very good- I normally just say night night after nap/bed routine and leave her to drop off.

If I stay with her now she has started crying, settling her can take 40 mins or longer  (maybe at the moment this is due to stuffy nose and not being able to suck her thumb as a result...

My question is -is it ok to leave her to cry for 5-10 minutes and let her settle herself?  I have done this the last 2 times and am stressed that I'm leaving her to cry it out and any seperation anxiety may get worse as a result.  The longest she has cried for has been 8 minutes.  It starts as an upset sounding cry (with "mamama" in it too) a few high pitched notes, then moves to a mantra cry with some more upset bits in-between the mantra and then has a few pauses before she is completely quiet and settles herself to sleep.

I'm hoping this is the more sensible way to stop the crying and is certainly much quicker than me being in there which may just be making it worse.  But if she's going to think I've abandoned her I 'd rather be in there for half an hour doing PUPD.

Love to hear what you think..
 

[~Emma~]

 Hi honey,

 Well I'm afraid its pretty much your call. If its an 'i need you' cry then go to her for sure but i cant really answer the question as only you know the type of cry it is kwim?

 If it is SA related then I would perhaps recommend that you spend that time with her too as she may be feeling insecure.

 Just my 2 cents though. 

[Rosalind]

Thank you so much, I think you are right.

I was confused about the cry.  Sometimes the "mama mama" cry makes me think it somehow isnt a cry for help.  But if there are bits in the cry that are more "help me" then I need to go in. especially if she is sufferring from a bit of SA. 

Thanks again
Ros

[babybarr]

Can you post her routine too please?  I know with my DS he would cry when I put him down if he wasn't tired enough.

[Rosalind]

Hi Laura,
yes I also think this has been the case sometimes,  I keep her up for 3 hours at a time and she tends to have 1hr30min naps morning and afternoon.  However a couple of times recently I thought she was more tired than she was and tried to put her down half an hour early (which is probably why it took half an hour or more for her to settle.  I never really see or look for signs of tiredness anymore having realised that the yawning and rubbing eyes etc can mean other things now.  So it can be tricky sometimes.   But I think if I stick to the 3 hour awake time rule things are much better.

Its knowing when to start transitioning to a one hour nap next !
Ros
x

[Rosalind]

Just to clarify routine is

A  6:00 -9:00
S  9:00 - 10:30
A  10:30 - 1:30
S  1:30 - 3:00
A  3:00 - 6:30
S  6:30 -6:00

Maybe I should start moving the 1st nap a bit later.
Also due to crying (from what I thought was / is seperation anxiety) I think Ive been putting her down a bit earlier so that by the time she's settled she isnt late for her nap. very silly!

[babybarr]

Why don't you push the am nap to 9.30am and then wake her at 10.30am and then you could bring the afternoon nap to 1.15pm.  Does she wake after 1.5hrs or do you wake her?

[Rosalind]

Ok, thanks.  I'll try that.
I hardly every wake her, she just tends to sleep for an hour and a half.
Ros
x