Follow the book - or follow my instinct?

[embembim]

Hi,

I am a new mum her and have been struggling with putting my 5,5 week old baby to bed. I was really desperate last week and posted on this forum. I really got some nice responses and support by other mums telling me I shouldn't be so hard on me and my LO. I have tried to take things a bit easier and I am feeling a lot better.

But I am still not sure when it is time to try shushing/patting a baby to sleep and when it is time to say "it's not working and it upsets me and my baby". My LO suffers from colic/reflux, so she finds it hard to settle during the day, especially in the afternoon/evening. Last week it sometimes took me up to 90 minutes to put her to sleep, which got her OT and broke my heart, because I felt like I was trying to force her into something she's just not able to do.

My question is: when I feel that my LO is just not going to settle (falling asleep, waking up again, getting upset), is it ok to take her on my chest, or on my lap or in the sling to let her go to sleep and put her into her own bed when she is fast asleep?

I am feeling guilty everytime I'm giving in, because I think it might give her more problems falling asleep in the long run and teaching her bad habits.

The book says: "it doesn't take long for a baby to become dependant on a prop - a few times at most... If you've started off on the wrong foot, every day you continue will simply reinforce the negative behaviour. ... Yu need to take the responsibilty for the bad habits you fostered. Then the hard part: have the conviction and perseverance to help your baby learn a new better way."

So I never know what to do. Follow the book and feel sorry for my baby (and get upset myself), or follow my mother instinct and risk having a baby with bad sleeping habits???  

I need some advice here...

Thank you so much!

[firsttimemummy]

My question is: when I feel that my LO is just not going to settle (falling asleep, waking up again, getting upset), is it ok to take her on my chest, or on my lap or in the sling to let her go to sleep and put her into her own bed when she is fast asleep?

YES!!!!  (this is my 2nd attempt at replying - 1st one failed as I pressed the wrong button while cuddling DS to sleep!!!).  It is your baby and you can do whatever you want.  BW is there as a guide and gives you great techniques that do work. 

In terms of props I find that I use at least one a day when Oliver is overtired, as my priority is to get him to sleep.  I am for at least once getting him to sleep himself and any more is a bonus.  I try to make sure that I alternate props and don't do one more than once (or twice!) in a day so he doesn't learn to settle with just that tool.

I would say that once a day I cuddle him on my knee or have him in the buggy so we can get out and about.  I aim for at least once to get him to sleep independently and any more is a bonus.

In terms of him crying it really does pay off to listen to the cry for a minute and decide if it really is an "I need you now" cry or just him self-settling.  A few times I have been about to run to him and get sidetracked for a second and he has stopped crying.

I haven't done shh patting as I have found that the slumberbear womb noise machine and me putting a hand on his tummy settles him.

Do whatever works for you.  Your LO is still really young.  I didn't start BW until DS1 was over 4 months old and I learnt great techniques etc and got him into EASY routine but some days were a write-off and I did what I could to get through them and started afresh the next day.  Murray went from being a NIGHTMARE to get him to sleep at all during the day without SCREAMING to a content little boy who loves him sleep!

Take care

[Canwi]

She's 5 weeks old and she has colic/reflux. 
You need to deal with the pain first.  Pick whatever AP method works best for you both.  Do it knowing that you will have to undo it at some point.  This is called APOP (= accidental parenting on purpose)
Keep a routine ie follow EASY, but use your AP method to help her go to sleep and you to cope.  Once you feel that your LO is pain free, then you work at removing your AP (if you need help the folks on Props are awesome!).
HTH