BGB disaster, I am at my wit's end :-( ***update***

[Roseii]

It's been around 6 weeks since we put DD1 (2.5y) in her new room and new bed, big transition I know. First few nights were a dream, we didn't even have a safety gate on her door, she settled like a dream, sttn. Night 5 she figures she can get out and arrives downstairs twice before we get her off to sleep, DH and I realising we need to get the gate on ASAP That night around 4am DD2 was screaming so I took her downstairs to find DD1 ON THE SOFA :O Which scared the life out of me, I felt physically sick knowing she had come downstairs on her own and I hadn't heard her, she could have fallen down the stairs, hurt herself in the kitchen, anything I'm fact she just got straight onto the sofa and fell back to sleep.
Since then obviously we've had a gate on her door. Now she just will not stay in bed at bedtime. I take her up, brush teeth, read her stories in bed, turn her music on and leave the room, leavIng my light in my room on for her. She stays there for around 10 mins sometimes then gets up, turns her cd off then stands at her gate shouting I do attempt to return her to bed but more often than not she makes such a fuss (this kid is LOUD) that I bring her downstairs and try again after half an hour or so, oftn with a cup of milk to drink in bed
The last 2 nights this farce has gone on til gone 10pm, tonight I ended up lying in her bed til she dropped off This is a disaster, I want my evenings back
I feel like putting her back in the cot, I wish we hadn't moved her

Help?? Oh she is spirited and touchy xx

[mum101]

ouch! That's tough.

Finding her on the sofa at 4am would freak me out too!

I think you just have to find a way that settles her the quickest without fuss until this phase ends... a matter of seeing what works with each child IMO.

DD was just 3 and DS was 2.5 when we moved them to a bed. Both climbed out, but DD did make the biggest fuss. Quite frankly I got rather frustrated and put her straight back on her bed and said 'bed time' repeatedly until she got it!  Everything else was like adding fuel to the fire. If she got more attention in any way and she would get out of bed. 

From memory we also used gradual withdrawal from the room when she had trouble getting to sleep which then extended to disastrous bed time routine. So each night sitting a little further away while she settled to sleep, then I got to a stage where she would settle once I'd left the room.

DS does need me more now, to settle him, so he usually hangs on to my fingers (ensuring I can't get away LOL), and tells me to stay a long time (this is after all the wind down and books etc). I usually make an excuse to duck out (like have to feed our cat) and say I'll come back to check on him. Especially if me being in there is keeping him awake and entertained versus settling. Sometimes he falls asleep in that time, other times I'm back and forward.

[squeakersmum]

We have a gate at the top of the stairs because it won't fit on his door and he has his door closed. DS was very good about staying in his bed but gradually got wpse and worse. First of all we got some lights on a timer so that he knows when it's morning and he can come into our room - so if the light aren't on he's supposed to be in his bed.

When he started getting out at nightDH and I would take it in turns to come upstairs and put him back in bed. But we found that it quickly became a game an the excuses were getting fantastic ('why are you out of bed? Hot knees mummy'). We would also end up getting increasingly frustrated with him eventually telling him that 'enough was enough' and 'you must stay in bed' - he usually would after that, but I realised that he's only 2 so A lot of what we were saying was just words and tone of voice!

The past few nights we haven't been upstairs at all, deliberately. I or DH will stand at the bottom of the stairs where he can see us and tell him in a not at all frustrated even if we feel like it voice, that it's time for bed, and please go back on to your room and shut the door. Ending with 'Goodnight sweetheart, I love you'.

I think it's sinking in that we're not playing but nor are we cross with him. Night before last he was up 5 times, last night twice, and tonight only once, of course it might all backfire tomorrow!!

((hugs)) though - it must have been horrible to come downstairs and find DD asleep on the sofa!

[Roseii]

Girls firstly thanks so much for making me realise this is quote normal!! Think I was beginning to demonise her a bit

I do try the "just going to check on dd2" or yesterday it was even "I just need to give dad some medicine " She's def wise to that already though She's happy for me to leave then hops out of bed as soon as I'm downstairs.

Char I must confess I get quite frustrated too and v firmly tell her to get back into bed but that doesn't work either

Steph I did wonder about a timer clock...So if it's on the sun she's allowed to get out of bed..So does dS take himself back to bed now when you tell him repeatedly? X

[~Sarah~]

We had the same thing, but we actually put him in a pack n play for a few days as I could tell it was distressing him to be able to get up etc.  Then we started asking him where he wanted to sleep.  when he chose the bed he stayed in it.  It took about 5days or so and we have not had an issue since then.  

[squeakersmum]

We didn't even go as far as the gro clock - just bought some car lights on a string (he chose them himself) and one of those plug in timers. We were asking him when he got up if his car lights were on. He'd say no and we'd remind him that it meant hebstill had to be in bed. It took a few times but he quickly got it. Now it's funny in the morning as the yell of 'Car lights are ON!!!' and he comes hurtling out of his room.

Yes, he does take himself back - it does sometimes take a few repetitions though. I was worried to start with about him getting back into bed in the dark but then realised that if he could get out and find the door to come out then there was no reason he couldn't get back in again!!

Oh, and I knew I'd jinxed his sleep last night; he was up every flipping 2 hours because he was coughing!

[Roseii]

She's never slept in a travel cot so I know that would be even worse I have said shall we put her cot back in the room and she always says no...

The other thing-she is miseable when she wakes in the morning! Granted she's probably tired but in her cot she would sit and play with her toys for a bit before calling me, no she whines from the second she wakes up

Oh no Steph sorry you had a rough night That's good to know he can put himself back in bed, I must try that with DD rather than taking her back myself always x

[anna*]

A Groclock or lights on a timer is a great idea.
Do you feel like she is really distressed at bedtime? From your description it doesn't sound like it but of course I can't tell. If she's not really distressed, I would ABSOLUTELY not bring her downstairs. She can shout for ages, that's OK, just leave her to it if she's not truly upset. Don't return her to bed, she can do that for herself. Put on some white noise (LOUD) in DD2s room and let her shout. Periodically you can go upstairs and say calmly 'It's sleep time now. Go and get in your bed.' Mummy will come and give you a cuddle when you're asleep. And stick with it. It's like PUPD or sleep training, you ahve to just stick with it and be consistent. If you get her up or go and sleep with her, you're just going to create a different problem.

[squeakersmum]

Ben is/was always one for whining as soon as he woke up. It is a bit better now; normally we'll hear him playing with his dummy against the wall or talking to his 'Heffy' until the lights come on.

[<Catherine>]

Oh goodness Charli, many hugs. This is what I'm dreading when it's our turn.......wont be for a while if I have anything to do with it!

Hope things get better for you xxx

[okinawamama]

I have not gone through the BBB transition yet, but I have two friends that had two different techniques.

One friend put up the crib in the bedroom along with the BGB and allowed the child to choose. The child always chose BGB, but the stipulation was that she had to stay in her BGB, if not then she went into the crib (with a crib tent so that the she couldn't crawl out http://www.amazon.com/Tots-Mind-Cozy-Crib-White/dp/B00014PLAY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303061703&sr=8-1). Obviously this is a little more extreme, but my friend said that she too was at her wits end and was scared for the LO's safety. After a couple of times of being put back in the crib, the little girl got the idea and stayed in bed.

I also have a cousin who has quads  (can you imagine going through the transition with 4?!!!). Anywho, she used the angelcare monitors, which are available at Toys r us and places like that, that she had when her little ones were infants ( the ones where if the child stops breathing an alarm goes off, the alarm also goes off when the child moves off the mat because it doesn't detect any breathing). Each time the child (ren) would get off the bed, the alarm would sound and the alarm sounding was enough that her kids went right back to bed. Not only did it cause her kids to get right back into bed, she knew immediately when one of them was out of bed. She said it did take a couple of days, but the transition went smooth overall and she attributed it to the alarms.

[<Catherine>]

The child always chose BGB, but the stipulation was that she had to stay in her BGB, if not then she went into the crib

This is what DH wants to do when we make the transition.

I also have a cousin who has quads  (can you imagine going through the transition with 4?!!!)

Oh my! Can you imagine going through any of this 'bringing up children' lark with 4??!!! My hat goes off to her!

[Roseii]

Wow quads?!!! I can't even imagine!! 2 is hard enough

Thanks so much for your suggestions. I do have another cot that I could put in her room as a "threat" as such

So tonight she has got out of bed and I have put her back in twice, she then screamed the house down, DH got fed up and yelled at me to just bring her down I brought her down (I know I know ) and now DH has taken her back up, as far as I'm concerned she is his problem now if he's going to disagree with me  

[Roseii]

So Dh stayed with her til she went to sleep She then had NW at 1am, really really upset, crying a lot and I think I heard "No I don't want a teaset" so she was obviously having some sort of bad dream. I laid with her and she went back to sleep.

I'm soooo fed up of these evenings I wish we hadn't put her in a bed this sucks SO much.

[*Becky*]

Charli - can you not put her back in her cot? Maybe she is just not ready and in a few months it might all be different.