BGB disaster, I am at my wit's end :-( ***update***

[Roseii]

I'm in 2 minds Becky She would HATE to go back in her cot, it would cause untold upset. Part of me thinks do I just need to ride this out?? Urgh I don't know. I feel like such a fool, finally getting her sleep sorted when she was 2yo, 6m of bliss, and now this

[squeakersmum]

Does she still nap Charli? If so does she nap in the BGB ok?

[Roseii]

No we dropped the "official" nap months ago, she does normally sleep in the car and buggy each day though. As bad as this sounds, the best evenings we have are when she is absolutely exhausted and had no sleep at all, usually she cannot stop herself falling asleep, much as she wants to fanny about!! It makes me think I need to stop her napping at all again and literally exhaust her into bed

[squeakersmum]

Maybe she is UT (or even OT, I can never tell with Ben ) an that's causing all the faffing about. Wouldn't it be good if it was that simple!!?!?

[Roseii]

I have wondered about chronic OT as she was v young to drop the nap, and although I think it plays a part I do think she JUST doesn't want to go to bed yk? It's boring up there in the dark, she wants to play downstairs!
I have let her have decent naps the past few days and if anything it's made it worse, even if I don't put her to bed til 8.30pm she still messes around

REALLY doesn't help that DH isn't on board  Last night when I was upstairs sitting in my room listening to her wail (angry wail, not upset wail yk) He said "you didn't want her to cry as a baby, now you're being a hypocrite cos you're leaving her to cry now" Which was SOOO helpful as you can imagine. I tried to explain "need you" cry versus "I just want to get my way" cry but he wasn't v receptive.

[squeakersmum]

Ugh - I sympathise. DH will go to get up to Ben and I'll say something about him being angry not upset and he'll just say - but he's crying. Grrr.

Have you asked him how HE plans to solve it if he isn't on the same page as you?

I don't know how BW it is but could you put the cot back in her room and make sure she knows - she's old enough to understand - that if she can't stay in her bed then she has to go back in the cot??

Sticker charts? They wouldn't work for Ben yet; he's just not interested, but they worked really well for one of his friends who is the same age.

[Roseii]

urgh men!

So are you thinking like a sticker/reward chart for staying in her bed? She loves stickers and is v interested in her cousin's PT reward chart...Do you have a reward once she has x number of stickers then?

Well last night I pretty much unceremoniously dumped DD on him and said "your turn." I was kinda hoping she would really mess him around but I think he laid with her, left her really sleepy (don't think she was actually asleep) promising he would come back, and she went off on her own

My SIL also said we should put the cot in her room so she can see it's not just a threat...My worry is she will just clamber all over it and end up hurting herself

[squeakersmum]

Yeah, Ben's friend got a heart sticker for staying in her bed when she was first put I. At night. Then when she was doing that her mum changed it so that she was getting a sticker if she stayed in her own bed all night. For her all he needed was the sticker - she didn't need the extra incentive of a reward after so many stickers but if that works for DD - it can't hurt!

[~Sarah~]

FWIW- When Ry was getting in and out it was really mentally distressing me and making me very angry/anxious.  One day I could not take the anger building in my chest.  So I went in sat on the edge of his bed and cradled him like I used to as a baby and just rocked and hummed to him.  I did it for quite a bit, maybe even 15min but he relaxed and I asked him are you ready to sleep now and he said "Ba-bye" which is code for him telling me goodnight (he can say goodnight but chooses be-bye...weird kid)
He laid down and fell asleep easy as pie!  Since then, if he is getting in/out we either sit next to his bed until I can feel him calm down or if he is really wound up I sit in his room and he runs in/out like 15times.  Kind of like getting the last burst of energy out.  But I don't get worked up I just sit in his room and when he runs in I say "time for night nights" and bc I am not chasing him the game ends pretty quickly.  I also am not getting to the point of yelling so he stays fairly calm.  

I do tell him at some point, "mommy is getting angry, it is time for bed"  He is just getting to the oint of understanding emotion and he is always concerned if "mommy happy?" so that works for us right now.

It was my Ped that suggested sitting with him until he got sleepier and I ignored it at first bc it seemed like I was going backward with sleep training, but honestly I don't have to do that much at all anymore.  I kind of felt like it was more like GW

HTH

[Roseii]

Thanks Steph I will try that

Sarah you sound so like me, I can literally feel the anxiety in my chest when I hear that familiar thudding upstairs And I'm embarassed to say I do end up yelling at her, not that it makes any difference

That's good to know that some sort of GW did work for you, I guess that's what DH was doing last night. Think I'm being a bit selfish really, I just want to go back to plonking her in bed and not worrying about her til morning 

And the thing about going backwards with sleep training-that's exactly what I'm worried about. She has now started asking to come into my bed, something we nipped in the bud over 18m ago

[*Becky*]

I feel like such a fool, finally getting her sleep sorted when she was 2yo, 6m of bliss, and now this

oh hun, don't feel like this. It is a natural transition and tbh we all take a gamble as to the best time to do it. I think an incentive of some sort is a good idea for sure and if she will go for stickers then you could give it a try. I think I would also 'try' a couple of no nap days to see if it helps. Obviously we don't want her to get very OT but if she was managing before well then it may just give her that extra bit of tiredness to help her go off to sleep.
Hugs xx

[Roseii]

Thanks Becky
I think I will try the no nap route and hope it doesn't backfire I know she can cope on no nap, we've done it for months. I'm thinking maybe no nap combined with sort of GW like Sarah describes might be a good option...And sticker incentives I just want my evenings back

[<Catherine>]

More hugs Charli. I just *know* we are going to have this, and I also *know* my DH will be as helpful as yours

Having not been there yet, I'm really not in a position to offer advice, but it strikes me that putting her back in her cot now would be going backwards and that you may just be faced with this all over again when you make the transition again in 6 months, or whatever. I think you've got to ride this out, but I'm sure that is much easier said than done I think the stickers would be worth a go.

Good luck! You have all my sympathy, I can't imagine how awful it must be after just thinking you've cracked the whole sleep thing. We're having complete nap refusal these days (doing what you are in that any naps are now taken in the car ) and that's bad enough as it only seems like yesterday that we got the naps sussed.

Hugs xxx

[~Sarah~]

Do you think she could be OT??
I have just gone through 45min of getting Ry to sleep in his BBB for a nap and it is clear that he is OT. He is just getting over an illness for a few days so I was putting him in bed very early and have had absolutely no issues.  Then today (selfishly..I wanted both in bed at the same time) I pushed him and he is now so clearly OT it is not funny!!!

I am about ready to scream right now, so I am taking a minute and thought I would share with you...just a thought

[anna*]

OT would be my worry too. We had the WORST of our transition period with Stan when he was OT. He was compulsively leaving the room, throwing everything from his room out to the landing - it was like he just couldn't stop himself. He finally crashed out on the landing at about 10.30pm!!