Sleeping training an almost 15mo

[Lindarama]

Hi everyone. Just looking for a little support and pointers.

Tonight is night 4 of sleep training. I read the Baby Whisperer book about 6 months ago, so I'm probably not following the method exactly, especially since I've read a few other books on night time sleep since, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far with the mix I have going.

I have a very happy 14 month old boy.  In the last month I've moved him over to a routine and continued our always fairly strict bedtime routine, the only change being that he goes down to bed between 7:30-8:00pm whereas before it would range anywhere between 7-9:30pm.

I previously tried the PU/PD method when he was 10 months old but crapped out after 5 nights, I didn't have support from DP and after 5 nights he began falling asleep in my arms within a couple minutes during our pre-bedtime cuddle and settled quickly through the night. That didn't last long.

At the moment his cot is in our bdrm (Winter is approaching so it's easier for us to heat only 1 bdrm). I lay him down, sit down at the cot at his level, avoid eye contact and pat the mattress until asleep. He has quickly cottoned onto this method at bedtime over the last 3 nights. Last night (night 3) he was asleep in 3 minutes and didn't stand up once!  He has however continued waking through the night and protests (yells, cries, flings himself around). I keep lying him down and patting the mattress and moving onto patting his back and rubbing when he gets hysterical.

I'm committed and sure that I will start seeing results overnight soon - well I better, it's the only thought that keeps me going at the moment!

My only failing is that in the pre-dawn hours I bring him into bed with me in my semi-comatose state (I never remember doing this), I tried last night to remedy this by sleeping on the floor with just a pillow and I still brought him down at 4:30am onto the  floor with me! I was clever enough to pull the spare cot mattress out from under the bed - d'oh! I'm not sure how to work on this. I absolutely don't mind bringing him into bed with me around 5-6am, I just don't want to confuse him anymore than he already is when it comes to night time parenting.

Today he has been clingy (lots of kisses and hugs for Mummy) and tonight was the first night he's actually protested while putting him down at the beginning of the night. He woke only an hour later and protested loudly for a few minutes before going back to sleep, I had to lay him back down 4 times. Now at 11:30pm he's woken again screaming. This is out of the ordinary, even before sleep training began he would settle quickly if he woke before 1am.

Do you think this is a good sign? Am I correct in thinking that they often get suddenly worse before they start settling better? Another factor might be the new heater I bought today which creates a popping sound when heating up.

Thanks for taking the time to read 

Also would like to know any thoughts about offering sips of water at night if he seems thirsty.

[~inbalance~]

Hi there

I think you are on the right track, but I really do think you need to avoid bringing him to your bed early in the morning.  You are right in thinking it is confusing, and as long as he knows you will bring him he will probably keep giving you a hard time. 

First of all, is your LO teething?  We went through something very similar with DS1 at the same age when he was teething canines.  I slept on a mattress on his floor for a week while it was really bad, and reassured him from the floor. 

Can you post your routine so that we can see if any tweaking might help with the NWings? 

(((hugs))), We'll help you get it sorted. 

[Lindarama]

Re: teething - Sleep has been disturbed from around 4 months, some days he sleeps a little better (waking only 3-4 times at night) other times it's worse (waking every hour). I had been co-sleeping but it recently stopped being an option for me. So while he isn't teething particularly terribly at the moment, I also think he is one of those kids that is always in some stage of teething.

Routine:
6:00   Drink of BM. Sleep/doze in bed with me.
7:00   Awake. Sometimes another top up drink. Play time.
8:00   Breakfast.
10:00 Snack
11:00 Nap (He will quite often wake halfway through nap and I need to resettle him but he always get between 120 - 150 mins)
1:00-1:30 Lunch
2:00 - Go for walk/incorporate outdoor play. Lots of active/tiring play for the rest of afternoon.
5:30 - Dinner
6:00 - Quiet playtime
6:45 - Bath time
7:00 - Cuddle, read story on couch, cuddle his lovie sheep toy
7:15 - Breastfeed in darkened bedroom.
7:30 - Asleep

This is the routine although it can vary 30 mins either way. I also demand feed through the day.

Last night was horrible He woke 7 times. His longest stretch was 2 1/2 hrs. Only change was when he woke crying at 4:30am I just lay him down once and he immediately settled himself to sleep.

Please tell me this gets better... I feel like I can't stop now but I can't bear the thought of too many more nights of crying. SO and I are going batty.

[Lindarama]

Forget to include his afternoon snack to the routine.  He's a big eater so some days he just snacks all the time between his big meals.

[~inbalance~]

More hugs, I understand, I really do.  I was not blessed with particularly good sleepers!  But I can tell you that consistency works, both of my boys are much better sleepers for all the work I've put into them.  DS2 used to wake like how you are describing, I never thought he'd sleep more than 3hrs at a time.  And I understand the constant state of teething too.  If your LO is teething molars or canines, trust me that they are way worse than the first 8 teeth, and therefore sleep disruptions are even worse!

If you are co-sleeping, even for a short period of time, I think that is likely the root of your problems.  He will keep waking until he understands that it is NOT an option for him.  So I would really focus on not letting him sleep with you, even for an hour in the mornings. 

I'm also thinking that he is likely always OT.  He is having short nights, plus all the NWings, plus his nap while not horrible, is not really long enough to make up for the lack of sleep.  I think you could try one (or both) of two things here.  One is trying for two naps for a bit while he gets caught up, the first one being only a very short am nap to keep him from not getting OT before his second nap.  I suspect that with the nap he is having now, waking up mid-nap and having to be resettled is OT.  I've had a lot of success with both my LOs with a short am nap to bridge the gap between an early wakeup and naptime.

To do this you can try a short nap of only 15/20mins or so around 10am, and then push his pm nap back to around 1 (doesn't have to be these exact times, you have to think about what might work for you and him).  This way, he will hopefully nap longer in the afternoon and not be tired at bedtime.

The other thing you can try if you don't want to do 2 naps, is I would try putting him to bed earlier, at least 7pm, to try and make up some sleep.

I think if you can get rid of the co-sleeping as a prop and help get him out of OT, you will see more progress. 

Oh yeah, forgot to answer from your original post, I think offering water at night is fine if you think he is thirsty. 

[Lindarama]

Thank you so much for the detailed, thoughtful reply.

Last night (night 5) was particularly bad, he woke 6 times between 7:30-11:30pm.  You were right - he is teething. I gave him Panadol, Bonjela and a teething tablet and he was a lot more settled after about 30 mins. I got a few chunks of sleep thankfully, however he still woke every 1-2.5 hrs after that. I feel maybe it's unfair to ST while he's teething, but in for a penny, in for a pound, it's too late to stop now.

I will put him down to bed earlier tonight.  His transition from 2-1 naps was rough (about two months ago) and last week I tried two naps again and he was awake until 11pm that night, so I won't explore that as an option at the moment, I'll just try getting him down to sleep earlier at night.

He stayed in his bed until 7am! Hooray for no bedsharing. I also didn't BF until 5am. I'm just trying to push that later and later with each night until his nightly feed is completely eliminated.

Thanks again. Fingers crossed things start to turn around and improve soon.

[~inbalance~]

Yay for keeping him in his own bed!  Gotta look at the small victories. 

I agree that you can ease off on the sleep training while he is teething, that is ok.  What you don't want to do is fall back into bad habits.  So while you don't have to push him too hard to learn independent sleep while you know he is in pain, definitely don't resort to the big no-no's like feeding or co-sleeping.

Hugs on the teething, I think DS2 will be getting molars soon and I am so not looking forward to it!!

Hold tight, these bad times don't last forever, I promise!  (and you can tell me the same thing when we are going through it with DS2, because I do remember how hard this age was with DS1 and I am dreading going through it again! )

[Lindarama]

I don't think there's too much I can change with the nighttime routine to make it easier without jeopardising the work we've done so far. If I pick him up to comfort then put him down it makes settling much worse.  I don't feel I've pushed him too hard with the independent sleep, last night he didn't cry for longer than 5 minutes at any one stage.

He's already cut one molar a while back and I can't feel anymore that will erupt soon, although one of his canines keeps breaking through and going back down.  Teething is the pits! I hope your DS will be one of those miracle children you hear about that copes fine with the whole affair

[Lindarama]

Just thought I'd give a little update.

Today is day 10 since we started sleep training, still not sleeping through but night waking has reduce from approx 12 per night to 6-8 per night. I'm still attributing this to teething, so I'm just focusing on being consistent at the moment, as you suggested. 

- He now falls asleep on his own in his cot. I sit next to the cot until he's asleep. No tears, no PDs. Bedtime is 7pm on the dot.
- Since we're sharing a room I can hear his night habits have changed. Last night I heard him wake up, yawn, roll over and go back to sleep. He also cried out twice for a few seconds and settled himself.
- He only comes into my bed at 7am onward and will lay to nurse but then sits up afterwards to play and start the day.
- Still waking 2/3rds of the way through each nap. I will wait until he's not teething as much to push him on this.
- As of last night each time he wakes only consists of 1 PD and no back rubbing. 80% of the time he settles himself without tears or I will give a few loud shushes and pat the mattress for a minute.

I feel like I'm doing everything just about right, with the exception of naps, so I'm sure things will keep getting better with time and consistency. Although part of me doubts he'll never sleep well, but I just need to take a look at the results so far to see he's headed in the right direction.

[Lindarama]

Also - a little unexpected consequence from sleep training is now that we don't we don't get anymore touchy-feely time from co-sleeping at night, he has become very cuddly and affectionate through the day.  He's a pretty enthusiastic and full on kid, so for him to stop, climb into my lap and give me a cuddle and kiss is amazing!

[~inbalance~]

Wow, you know I think you have made GREAT progress!  He will sleep well, sometimes it takes a little longer but he'll get there.  Good sleep habits take practice.    Well done, you are doing an amazing job focusing on the task and staying on track.  Fingers crossed for continued improvement! (and for those teeth to hurry up and come in! )

[Lindarama]

Thanks again Your encouragement and tips really hardened my resolve to do this, and do it properly.