Author Topic: Won't eat for mummy......  (Read 2408 times)

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Offline swmw

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Won't eat for mummy......
« on: May 06, 2011, 18:17:37 pm »
My lo is 13 months old. She's never been a great eater and we always have to distract her with toys to get her to eat. At the moment thou she's driving me crazy. I'm completely at a loss and very fed up. Meal times always end in tears for both of us and I've no idea what to do. 
My lo will not eat from me at all. Nothing from a spoon. She will eat from a spoon for other people but not me. Why's that? 
I thought she wanted to try and feed herself today so I tried giving her a loaded spoon and the first one went in her mouth (upside down) and then she threw a tantram and threw the spoon on the floor and starts screaming. She wouldn't give me back the spoon to load and if i tried to help her load it she has a tantram. How do u teach them to feed themselves?
I always try to spoon feed her but give up and then offer finger food. The only finger food she will eat is toast, peanut butter & jam sandwhiches, chicken pieces, cheerio and blueberries. 
I know the advice is not to get stressed - but how do u manage that? I get so frustrated with her. I know she's hungry. Today she was actually crying cos she was hungry but wouldn't eat for me and then just picked at her chicken. 
When she ate better she would only drink 2 x 4oz bottles of formula. Now she drinks 2 x 9oz bottles of cows milk so she's obviously still hungry. 
Any advice on how to get her to eat for her mummy or what to do?    

Offline firsttimemummy

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2011, 21:25:10 pm »
is she overtired at meal times, etc? I looked after a girl around that age and her Dad struggled to get her to eat at lunchtime.  When I had her (to fit in with DS who is identical age) they used to share a banana at 12 (when DS had lunch) then I put them both to bed - she only napped for 45 mins or 1.5 hours max, and ate a better lunch when she got up. 

Maybe she would benefit from you sitting eating at the same time and not paying too much attention to her?

My friend used to constantly try to feed his DD as she "never" ate which actually meant she was constantly grazing!!  I found keeping her to set snack and meal times meant she ate more and without hassle.

Remember too that children wont starve themselves and will eat when they need.  Sometimes missing most of one meal means they are more ready at the next snack/meal time.  Some babies have a hungry day followed by others of not eating as much.

Remember too that teething can affect things too.  Some days DS wouldn't eat purees whereas others he would only eat them.

I would imagine she is picking up on your stress that she isn't eating - so "try" to take more of a backseat maybe - leave a selection of food on her plate and see how she gets on?
L x Having a bw break from 1 Feb 2012 - if you want to get in touch please send me a pm.  I may not be here but you are all in my thoughts xxxx (probably be back some time)

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Offline swmw

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2011, 09:05:42 am »
Thanks first time mummy.  We are still on 2 naps - she has one at 9.45-10.30 and one at 1.30 when I let her sleep as long as she wants (normally 1.5 hrs) I don't think she's overtired at meal times. We don't do any snacks in-between meals so she isn't grazing during the day. We do:
6.30 ish morning milk (now 9oz)
7.30 breakie - she will normally eat this
11.30 lunch (that's when they have it at nursery)
4.30 dinner
6.30 evening bottle (9oz)

The frustrating thing is if she won't eat for me I leave the room and my dh will feed her and she eats the whole thing from him - no tantrums or anything! So she must be hungry?? But if I'm in the room she won't eat. This means shes only eating well at home on the weekends!
I'm sure she is picking up on my stress but I'm finding it so hard - I can't help eating stressed  :'(

Offline firsttimemummy

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2011, 14:26:09 pm »
Since Murray started 3 meals a day he has usually eaten at 7am breakfast, 10am a snack, 12ish lunch, 3pm (after nap) snack and 5.30pm dinner.  Maybe a snack would help, and at least if she doesn't eat a meal you know she has had something?

What does DH do differently to you? Maybe watch him one day and try to see if there is anything, and imitate it (ie if he makes aeroplane noises for her, then do that, etc). 

I know how stressful it is when they don't eat (my friend's are constantly worried although their LO is healthy and happy so obviously doesn't need much food).  Maybe you could repeat a mantra to yourself to keep yourself from showing your frustration? 
L x Having a bw break from 1 Feb 2012 - if you want to get in touch please send me a pm.  I may not be here but you are all in my thoughts xxxx (probably be back some time)

still happily married, just not counting!

Offline anna*

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2011, 14:27:29 pm »
It's like Lucy said - you ahve to step away from the 'battle'. You know she's hungry but for whatever reason she doesn't want to take a spoon from you. That's OK, she won't starve. I definitely agree with Lucy. Fix yourself something to eat (even if just a cup of tea and slice of toast), put some food on DDs highchair tray, and eat your meal. Don't even look at her. If you're getting stressed out, just leave the room and let her play. Try offering her a spoon but if she pushes it away or gets upset, just drop it. This has become a power struggle and little ones usually win power struggles. The only way to get past it is to STOP engaging with it. If she just eats a little bit of finger food, that's fine. Maybe she will eat a bit more at the next meal. Maybe not. Either way, she's not going to starve.





Offline swmw

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2011, 20:12:34 pm »
Thanks for the replies. I know this is a power struggle. I didn't realise at 13 months they could have such a strong personality! I dread to think what she will be like when shes older!
My dh doesn't do anything different really - he's just not me! It's definately a power battle with me. But as i'm the main one to feed her at home........    I just don't really understand where it's come from - she's such a mummy's girl with everything else!
I'll try to take more of a back seat & make more finger food! I've got a freezer full of spoon food thou! May have to spread it on toast!
If she starts throwing it on the floor right from the start - what do u do? Should I pick it up and put it back? Ignore her? Offer something else? Sometimes she throws it on the floor without even tasting it!

Offline anna*

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2011, 20:16:18 pm »
Ignore it. Don't overload the tray - better to put 3 bites on, that way there's less to clear up and less to stress over. If she throws it all, ignore it, then if she starts to fuss just say casually 'Oh look, you dropped your food, do you want some?' and put it back on her tray and then go back to ignoring.

My LO used to like food presented in different ways, for example, little tiny bits of different foods in muffin cases - so he would be playing with it and then 'accidentally' eat bits at the same time!

If she doesn't eat anything, do not stress. Don't offer her something else, don't give her extra milk, just say, 'OK, lunch is done!' and then try again at tea time.

don't worry about all the food in the freezer - soon she'll be spoon feeding herself and you'll be able to use it all up as bases for soups, sauces for pasta, etc.





Offline Lindarama

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2011, 03:32:54 am »
I have an enthusiastic 14mo eater... He likes to throw his food. I switched to table foods at 12 months, I got sick of spoon feeding and we'd been practicing a mix of mashed food and BLW from the beginning so I was confident he would take to 100% table foods easily. It's so much easier serving him food that I've prepared for the whole family too.

I prepare a plate for his meal of how much I'd like him to eat and then use a smaller plate/bowl to put just a few pieces on it. If there isn't as much to eat in front of him he rarely throws it out unless it's something he doesn't like. Once he's finished with his little portion I add extra.  Eating at meal times with him helps although it's a little tough if you have them on a 5pm routine for dinner.

I ignore any food being tossed out. I gave up on disciplining him as it seemed to make him do it more.
I also let him eat mashed food with his fingers. He loves this! He scoops it up with his hands and slurps it out of his fingers.

Children need to have fun with food, so if they get it all over themselves and everywhere then so what? It just requires a little more cleaning on your part and if it makes mealtimes a more enjoyable experience for them then they're more likely to eat a filling meal whenever it's time to eat.

He's an example of a typical lunch for him:
Slices of peeled cucumber, tomato, grated cheese. A serve of pureed chicken, potato and pumpkin mixed with steamed peas slightly warmed (last night's left over dinner!). This is his lunch today.  If he still seems a little hungry I'll give him a couple slices of fruit to finish.

Offline swmw

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2011, 21:28:01 pm »
Ok guys I need a little guidance or reassurance.
So I decided to try and avoid the spoon as much as possible over the past few days and it's a bit hit and miss!
For example today:
Breakfast (used to be adult size portion of readybrek porridge) : 3 bite sized oatibix, 1 bite sized shreddies wheat and half a scrambled egg (not great but better than nothing!)
Lunch (used to eat 4-5 tablespoons of mushed food) adult handful of chicken piececs, half a ham sandwich made with 1 piece of bread, 5 gnocchi pieces coated in cream cheese that she let me feed into her mouth with my fingers. Satsuma - good lunch I thought?
Dinner (again used to eat 4-5 tablespoons) we had 2 other toddlers over so I thought she would eat better with them because she eats ok at nursery....  It was a disaster. She just played with the finger food so a friend tried to feed her. She had a go at feeding herself. She would let my friend take and load the spoon and then she would put it in her mouth. She had about 4 spoons and then just played around with it. However - the other day when she was trying to feed herself she wouldn't let me even touch the spoon. I was trying to help her load her spoon but she was having none of it.
I offered 3 different dinners tonight (sigh) but she ate nothing. So I gave up.
She drank 8 oz milk before bed......
it feels so wrong the let her miss a meal? DH said I should have given her toast or a yoghurt at dinner because she always eats those? Did I do the right thing to just give up on dinner? I felt like I'd given her enough chances? Am I worrying over nothing?

Offline anna*

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2011, 08:11:58 am »
Am I worrying over nothing?

A little bit ;) :-*

She ate two really good meals, if she eats less - or nothing - at dinner, that's OK. Don't get into the habit of offering her something else, as long as she's been offered something she usually likes in the first place. (so for dinner, you can offer something new and something familiar/accepted on the same place - if she eats neither, so be it).

It honestly sounds like she ate really well yesterday. Some kids like to eat the most at lunch and only have a little tea, others are the other way rounds, others like a big breakfast and little bits for the rest of the day.

To an extent, you have to trust her to manage her own food intake.





Offline swmw

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2011, 21:11:06 pm »
Thanks Anna! I shall try & relax!

Offline firsttimemummy

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #11 on: May 12, 2011, 07:22:10 am »
:) relaxing is definitely the key ...
L x Having a bw break from 1 Feb 2012 - if you want to get in touch please send me a pm.  I may not be here but you are all in my thoughts xxxx (probably be back some time)

still happily married, just not counting!

Offline genyaf

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #12 on: May 12, 2011, 20:27:14 pm »
I don't have any great advice, but I wanted to chime in and say I sympathize.  I have a son who has his own ideas about how meal times work too.  He will take a spoon from me, but I can't get him interested in eating any finger food except dry cereal.  I know how hard it can be to stay calm when you just want them to eat a healthy meal.  I'm working on that too.  Hang in there.

Offline Mrswu

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Re: Won't eat for mummy......
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2011, 19:46:59 pm »
Your little one is eating a lot more than mine, mine is still healthy and happy, don't worry!!!

My little guy is also eating less now than he was 4 months ago.  He definately eats better at daycare and for other people than me. I also find he eats better when I let him eat while playing but I don't like doing that.  (choking hazard and food all over my carpeted apartment!!)

See if your library has the book: Child of mine; Feeding with love and good sense.   It really put things in perspective for me. 

Your responsibility is simply to put appropriate food in front of your little one.  It is totally their choice what and how much to eat.  The more we worry about it, the more they do the opposite of what we "want".

sigh!! Hugs!!