How to deal with separation anxiety without creating bad habits

[cath~]

Hi,

My LO (8 months) used to be able to fall asleep on her own at bedtime if I just left her in her cot (sometimes with a bit of calming first, and providing no teething/cold/OT.. issues).  I would leave the room while she was still awake and she would nod off on her own.

However, for the last week or so, when I try to leave the room at the point I used to, she will look up at me and kind of whine until I go back.  I then just sit down next to her cot which (almost always) calms her and she starts to nod off again.  However, if I try to leave again before she is in a deep sleep, a creaky floorboard alerts her to my leaving and she whines until I sit down again.  In the end, I have been sitting with her for a few mins after I'm sure she's nodded off so that she is in a deep sleep and the creaky floorboards/door don't wake her.

I am guessing this is separation anxiety (SA), although she doesn't really show any signs of it during the day when she is awake (or for naps). 

I just want to check if what I'm doing is the right thing to do? Am I setting her up for always needing me to stay there to fall asleep?  Or is it OK/best to stay with her now until the SA phase passes?  Or is there another approach I should try?

A related issue is that the same thing happens if she wakes up during the night - we have to stay with her until she is in a deep sleep again so we can creep out without her realising.  However, last night, for example, she was waking about every 20 mins or so for about 2.5 hours!  And we were having to sit with her for a good 10 mins each time she woke up.  (So we didn't get much sleep for those 2.5 hours!)  Do we just have to be patient, stay with her as we are doing and wait for SA to pass?  Or are we creating bad habits?

Any advice/suggestions would be really appreciated.

Also, if anyone else has experienced this - how long did it take for this phase to pass??

Thanks

[Tweakster]

Hi there, SA is a big phase but I also wonder if your routine needs some tweaking...SA can also be confused with UT because they just aren't ready to go to bed, so they want company, want social interaction.  It would not really be typical for SA to only be at one sleep time, it would normally be happening for naps etc. too. But with these LOs anything is possible!

Here's a decent link on how to manage SA but if you want to pop up your routine we can take a look too. 
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=62612.0

[cath~]

Hi Wendy

Thanks for the link - that's really useful.  I will definitely try wi/wo with my LO.

Regarding routine, it usually goes something like this (give or take 15-30 mins depending on how naps go, although start and end of day are usually pretty much the same):

A 5.45 wake up
E 5.55 bf
A 7.15  breakfast (solids)
S 9.05 nap for about 1hr15 usually
A 10.20 wake up
E 11.00 bf
A 12.30 lunch (solids)
S 13.50 nap for about 1hr15 usually
E 15.05 bf
A 17.30 dinner (solids)
A 18.00 bath + massage
E 18.30 bf
S 19.00-19.15

Her A times have recently (last week or so) increased by about 15 mins and this seems to be helping her nap for longer.  Before that she sometimes had short naps, which I think were a bit due to being UT.

Thanks,

Catherine

[Tweakster]

Hi there, it sounds like a bit of an UT/OT loop.  I think you should pull bedtime back a bit though.  Have her asleep no later than 6:30, as the day is a tad long, particularly if that nap is short.  In fact you may have to pull it even earlier on the shorter nap.  OT can be compounding the SA at bedtime.

[cath~]

Thanks for looking at our routine, Wendy.  I'll try the earlier bedtime for the next few days (she's already gone to bed today!) and see if that helps things.  Will let you know!

[cath~]

Hi again,

Thought I'd let you know how things were going..

Well, we've been trying WIWO and early bedtimes (unless pm nap has been late) to see if that helps her to fall asleep on her own again but it's hard to say really.  I think there are several things going on at the moment (she's just learnt to crawl, some more teeth seem to be on their way, and just seems to be constantly excited about life!) so it's hard to pin down exactly why she needs/wants us to fall asleep at the moment.

Our 'routine' has been all over the place, partly because of NWs (which, by using WIWO, at the moment it's taking her a LOT longer to fall back to sleep from - e.g. 1hr or longer sometimes).  This means she's occasionally had a REALLY long (for her!) morning nap of 2hrs, then a late pm nap (so may then be UT at bedtime..) but each day is different (nap lengths have never been that consistent..). Plus, it's so hard to tell now if she's UT or OT because she never seems tired!  (No idea where she gets this energy from..) She's constantly excited and on the go!  If she has a 'good' nap (1hr or more) then I've been putting her down for naps at about 3hr15 from when she last got up so she's usually been asleep about 3hr30 after morning wakeup/morning nap.

Today and yesterday though she has really fought going down for naps (possibly teething..) which I first thought might be because of UT but then she's actually napped quite well (1hr30 this morning) once she's gone down, so I think she was tired after all, just didn't want to sleep!

I think we might just have to wait this 'phase' out and hope we don't pick up too many bad habits along the way..  I'm doing my best to get her to fall asleep on her own, but sometimes (e.g. at 3am!) it's easier (and much quicker!) to stay with her until she drops off..

Thanks again for the help and support!

C