22 months, no routine and long nw :-)

[Newby1]

Hi all,

Please help! :-)

My lo is 22 months, he has had medical issues since birth and we have basically done anything to comfort him. His now medicated and sort of under control.

So I think it's time to finally start easy!  I have been trying since birth on and off but it never worked as he was so uncomfortable.

So my problem is where do I start?

Last night he went to bed at 11 and woke up at 7. He also had 2 night feeds.

That was a very good night. In the last few weeks he has gone from waking from 12-5am (the whole time awake) to just waking up two or three times for a few hours.

He is teething right now and I know that's not the best place to start but we are going crazy at this point we all need some rest. Especially Oskar (Ds) as he is do OT.

Our days are now filled with screaming. He is so OT, he keeps falling over and hiring himself too

Please help, thanks Charlotte :-)

[Spandanna]

Hi

It sounbds like you are having a really rough time!

A few questions though...

1) Where does he sleep? In a cot/own bed or does he co-sleep with you?
2) How does he eat in the day?
3) When you say night feeds are you saying he has a bottle/milk in the night?
4) is he talking/understanding things you say?
5)Does he nap in the day at all?

My DS is 23 months old and has been on the following routine for about 7 months now:

up between 6 and 7 (can be 5.30 and can be 7.30 though!!)
Cup of milk and cereal
9.30 - snack
11.30/12ish - lunch
12.30/1is nap for 1.5 - 2.5 hours
3pm snack
5pm tea
6.15 bath
7pm cup of milk and bed

I think this is the sort of thing we need to aim to have your little one doing

Do you always feed when he wakes? What other tactics does he respond too?

Sorry for all the questions, just want to establish a bit more info

[Newby1]

Hello,

Thank you for your reply! :-)

We are in a bit of a mess!

So he was co sleeping but now he is in his cot at the end of our bed.

His eating is not so good. He has severe reflux and needs to be constantly eating. But he has allergies to multiple foods so we are struggling there.

He feeds during the night for hunger as his diet is restricted.

At the moment we have cut out all foods and put him on a liquid diet. So we are starting again.

So its quite tricky to get a balance between what he needs medically and at this point what we can still physically do! His sleep wad even worse up until after his surgery at 14 months so we are zombies! :-)

So taking into account his medical needs I not really worried about eating times. If he eats then we are happy! :-)

It mainly just getting him into a basic rhythm as he goes to bed and wakes up all over the place. So he can be tired and cranky at all different times.

He does understand some things, he is bi-lingual and seems to of stopped talking so much.

So I have been recording times for the last few days. He seems to need 11.30 hours in 24 hrs. He is missing naps but on those days he is a grump!

Here are the times:

Sat

A, 9

N, 1.45 - 2.30
      B(in car)

S, 10

Nw, 3.45
       15 mins
       7oz milk

A very good night!!

Sun

A, 9

N, none!

S, 6

Nw,

2 hrs awake at 8 and 3


Mon

A, 7.30

N, 2.10 - 4.10

S, 10.15

Nw, 5am
       15 mins
       7oz


Tue

A, 7.30


His been playing around the house this morning.

So were to start ?? ;-)

Thanks! C :-)

[babybarr]

Hi

Sorry things have been so tough for you.  There are a couple of places to start - the first being getting that bedtime much much earlier.  How is his napping?  Has he ever done any good napping and will he nap in his cot?

I would try a fairly strict consistent routine for a couple of days to try and get him in the flow of earlier bedtime.  I think at 22mths he probably needs nearer 12.5 than 11.5hrs sleep and I suspect he is OT what with everything you have been through.

Could you try something like
7am wake
12noon nap - hopefully for longer than 45mins
7-7.30pm bed depending on nap?

((((hugs)))) for you.

[Newby1]

Thank you 

So his napping is all over the place. He will sleep in the car and sometimes at home on the sofa or in my bed. He has napped in the cot but its very rare.

I think he so OT, last night he slept 10.15 until 7.20 and he has still not had a nap. Its now 15.13. I have been trying since just after 11 to get him down but he wont sleep. You can see that he is tired but he is still happy playing.

Yesterday I tried walking him in the pram to sleep but it didn't work. In the late afternoon he put himself to bed!

The timing sounds great, like a dream!

But how do I get him to nap?

Today I will keep him awake and put him down at 7.
 

[Newby1]

So we just had a good 2 hours of screaming   

Then as I was cooking him some dinner he fell to sleep on the sofa  at 5.45, tonight is going to be a long night!

But at least I have a chance tomorrow to start things early.

So I guess we should wake him at 6? I know he will have long nw tonight. Last time he did this he was awake 2 hours in the night.

Thanks for helping, I really need the hand holding right now!

[~inbalance~]

Hi. 

Do you have a wind down routine for his naps and bedtime?  Also, where does he take his naps?  Do you have his room blacked out and use white noise?  These things might help him settle down for sleep better.

[Newby1]

Hello,

We dont have a bed time routine. He wont go in the bath :-(

So what we do is take him up to our bed, play music and snuggle. With a bottle until he goes to sleep.

Sometimes this takes 10 minutes others, 2 hours.

For naps he sleeps anywhere really, the sofa, the car, the pram our bed.

So tomorrow at 12 I will take him up to our bedroom and put on white music, darken the room and give him some milk.

What should I do if it doesnt work, walk him to sleep. Just so he has a nap?

So confused! Thanks for helping!

[~inbalance~]

Well, I think that you have to perservere to get him napping consistently in the same place, and on a consistent routine.  I know this has been so hard because of his issues, and if you can be sure that he is not uncomfortable in any way then you can start really trying to get him down in his bed for all his naps. 

If you want him asleep by 12 then take him up a little earlier to start your wind down, say at 11:45.  You want to have a set routine that he can identify with sleep times.  For example go to him room, change him, dim, the lights, read some stories, sing some songs, then into bed.  It doesn't have to be exactly like that, it's just an example.  He will come to realize that it means sleep time. 

[Newby1]

Thank you 

So when I put him into his bed and he screams, what do I do then?

Sorry for all the silly questions!  I really have no clue at this stage what to do.

The problem has always been I have tried to get him to EASY then he gets medical stuff get worse.

So in a way thats a 'routine'   

I am really focused to do it, We dont want to let him cry so GW would work better. I have heard him crying in pain for 2 years so it just would not be fair 

But we have to do it now for all of us, for our relationship, for our sanity! Were like the walking dead at this stage, even poor little Oskar.

On a good note its now 8.10 and his still asleep! He went to sleep at 6 so if he is still asleep at 9.30 I will go to bed. Then I know he wont just wake up from a late 'nap'.

Wish me good night sleep luck!! 

Thanks, Charlotte 

[~inbalance~]

If you want to do GW then you would stay with him until he is asleep.  You don't want to hold or rock him, but you can comfort him in his crib.  Then you would gradually do it less and less until he goes to sleep on his own.  It is probably the best approach for him given his history, and it will take some time but is worth the effort. 

[Newby1]

Thank you :-)

So I will wake him at 6 at the latest, even if he wakes at night.

The plan for tommorrow will be:

6am, Wake up

11.45 to his room, put into cot, play music, darken room and wait until sleep.

12 - 1.30 Sleep

7, Bedtime

That sounds good, now I just have to get him sleep!!! 

So I will have to put him down with milk at the moment and then when he is eating better I will wean him of that too. Maybe by watering it down.

Its so strange doing this again as so many times in the first year we weaned him from our bed, milk and into his own room. But he always ends up back in ours when he is having a really tough time. Mainly as its easier for us when he is awake all night but also because when he is sick he needs our comfort.

Thanks again, C 

[~inbalance~]

You will get there.    I always feel better with a plan! 

[Newby1]

Thank you  One day I will!

So he woke at 8.20 screaming. I gave him paracetamol at 8.50 and by 9.20 he was calm.

He is still running around the house now at 9.50. So I am guessing its teething pain thats the problem right now. As he went to sleep at 6 he must think he just had a nap. When he woke up papa was sleeping in the room to so I think he is way to excited to sleep now 

DP thinks its my fault he is like this, I think its time to go back to work and get a full time nanny. He will be in better hands 

[Newby1]

So last night he went back to bed at 12ish. 

He had a feed at 5, then back to sleep until 7.20

So this morning he is tierd. I will take him out now running and then try and get him into bed around 12 / 1 for 1.5 hours.

Then hopefully bedtime tonight at 7, I will out so I am leaving it to DP.