18 mo stalling at nap and bedtime

[LovelyLilyandJack]

My 18 month old has recently started seriously stalling at bedtime, demanding a drink just as we're about to out her down, not choosing a book but just taking loads off the shelf and then putting them back and tonight, asking for food as we took her upstairs.  Being firm with her generally does the job in the end (even if it results in a few tears first), but we're still struggling a bit with choosing a book and actually getting her in bed.  

The last 15 minutes of wind down starts with us dimming the lights, I sing her a song, during which she walks to the bookcase and says "book, book".  We then used to let her pick something off the bookcase but lately she's just using it as a chance to linger, pretending to pick something but then saying "no" when I pass it to her Dad to read for her.  Eventually I just pick two books up and ask her to pick between them.  More "no"s.  Then I pick one, tell her that's the one I've picked and pick her up, at which point she starts crying normally!  She's OK once she's on her Daddys lap and looking at the book though.  However, she then starts demanding more books, asking for water and having a tiny sip over and over, throwing her teddy on the floor so he has to be picked up, talking about whatever is on her Daddys t-shirt, beeping his nose...  Whatever she can think of!

Any advice on how I could handle it better, and/or general tips for dealing with stalling in an 18 mo?  Should we let her stall a bit and then tell her when she's played about enough, or step in straight away?

Thanks in advance for any tips!  

[skatty]

Hi, I'm going to move this over to toddler sleep  

My guess would be a slightly longer A time or a chnage in the bed routine but I am sure you will get more tips on the sleep board  

[~inbalance~]

Hi there!  What does her routine look like?  I think she might need more A time too or a bedtime routine tweak.  We can have a look and see. 

FWIW I think you are dealing with it well by giving her choices, and being firm with her.  Toddlers are masters of stalling! 

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Thanks. Her routine is:

Wake@ 6.45ish
Nap@12.30 for 2 hours
Bed@ 7.30

We do a bath at 6.45 / 7ish.

Don't know if it's relevant, but we've also been battling with short naps for several weeks. It's only been the last few days she's slept longer than 1 hr at lunchtime.  Don't know what changed, except her vocabulary has shot up over that period of bad sleep and she's started putting words together so I assumed it was a developmental thing.

[~inbalance~]

Whenever my DS1 had a language explosion or an increase in comprehension we got major stalling at bedtime.  It was like he just couldn't shut his brain off!

I wonder too, if she is used to short napping but is now napping longer, that she is a bit UT?  What are her sleep needs usually, and did you already move bedtime back a bit to compensate for the longer naps?

[LovelyLilyandJack]

To ne honest, I'm not sure of her sleep needs cos when she's NOT been ill lately they seem to have really dropped. I guess I'm comfortable that an 11hr night and 1.5hr nap is the minimum she can make do with. Her a times have always been high for her age (she's been the first to drop naps out of her friends, and is the youngest by 1-2 months) but she's always liked long naps too. Short or capped naps leave her grumpy.

I think the stalling has been worse the last few days when her naps have been longer, but she's also going straight to sleep once in bed, whereas before she was taking at least 20 minutes to drop off, sometimes longer if we did an early night. Her bedtime is slightly later now her naps are longer, but only by 15 mins I'd say.

Do you think the stalling might be routine related then, rather than just toddler behaviour?

[~inbalance~]

In my honest opinion?  I think it's behavioural.  Especially if she is going to bed easily once there and sleeping through the night, kwim? 

There are times when DS1 stalls and it drives me batty, but I know that he sleeps well and is fine when he's awake.  So I just kinda grit my teeth and bear it!  Unless he is takes ages to fall asleep or waking often, I figure a little stalling is par for the course and the important part is to tolerate it but not give in to additional demands. 

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Yes, I think it's behavioural too. Lily has always been keen to assert herself so I'm not surprised she's doing it as much as possible before bed. She's never been one to ask for bed or properly relax during wind down.  She's too independent and prefers to do it by herself.

So, assuming it's behavioural, how do I stop her getting the better of us? Being firm seems to work, but only if we dictate what she's going to do (e.g. pick her book if she's taking too long over it / taking her food or drink away when her interest wanes etc.) I'd like to give her SOME choices, but maybe this is just going to lead to stalling?

[~inbalance~]

I think you are taking the right approach already.  Give her choices to start (and limit the choices), but be firm when she does not choose and do it for her.  Don't give in to repeated requests.  It's tiring to do it night after night, but these phases do pass.

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Great, thanks! Will keep at it....