"3 nights of hell" does it really work like that?

[Maxmiliansmom]

Hi everyone,

my toddler is 21months old.
Our routine is fine. He naps well everyday.
He goes to sleep and falls asleep on his own without problems.
He sleeps in his own crib.
It all sounds lovely,
BUT, I have such an issue myself.
During the night, he ll make cry noises, or complain noises, 2-3 times, during the night.
Every time I await and wait before going in to him, his cry/complaining increases... He is used for me to come to him.
Itīs all such a bad habitt after a hell of an autumn and winter of teething and sicknesses, where I couldnīt not comfort him, so I now canīt break this habbit. But I realize its not magically going to disappear... and is actually disturbing his sleep, which could be pretty good if it wasnīt for my weakness.

He can now climb out of his crib. He rarely does it, but he has done it.

What do I do?
Do I just go cold turkey and stop going to him. PERIOD.
Or is there another strategy for this?

Thanks everyone!XOX

[~inbalance~]

Hi there!

Did he sleep through the night previously?  Can you post your routine so we can have a look?  His sleep needs might be changing.

I would also consider walk in walk out so that he learns to settle without you.  But we'll see if a routine tweak helps first. 

[Maxmiliansmom]

Hi thanks for a quick reply.

No he has never slept through the night without any need for my intervention, before 6motnhs feeding, after 6months, paci-replugging, then teething discomfort (horrible time, at 18months he had 16teeth out)!
So he has have slept through only a few times, which I kind of doubt now was even possible, haha.

His routine is like this:

Wake up 6.30-7am
Nap (12)12.15 - 1.45 (2pm) 1,5hrs. (used to be 2hrs, but 1.5 is working better for us)
Bedtime 7.30pm (I read, sing, put him in his crib leave and he is asleep around 8pm)

Thanks

Hi there!

Did he sleep through the night previously?  Can you post your routine so we can have a look?  His sleep needs might be changing.

I would also consider walk in walk out so that he learns to settle without you.  But we'll see if a routine tweak helps first.  

[~inbalance~]

Ok so if he has never sttn then I think it is likely a prop or sleep association problem, meaning that he expects you to come.  You're routine looks pretty good and sounds like it is working well for you in that respect.

What do you do to settle him when he wakes?

You have two options here, walk in walk out or gradual withdrawl.  Here is a link outlining the two:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

Usually wiwo is used for LOs who slept well previously and need to get back on track.  Seeing as how your LO goes to sleep by himself without any issues I think this is probably the way to go.

Let me know what you think and we can come up with a plan. 

[Maxmiliansmom]

Thank you! I agree that this is a propp from my side. I am the propp. I am aware of this. Now that I know for sure it is no discomfort (teething,etc) waking him up, I think it will be easier for me to make a change as well.
He needs no gradual withdrawal. As you are right, he falls asleep on his own without a problem, both in the evening and for the naps. He doesnīt fight his sleep, not even in the nights. But I feel in a way that I am doing the walk in/walk out and that that is what he is used to.
I go to his crib, comfort with words, and sometimes put his blanky on asking him to go back to sleep. then I leave and he falls asleep again. But if I donīt go to him he ll cry more and eventually wake up until i get there... this I have tried by not going to his crib only using my voice. So he is now used to me coming near his crib :-(
In other words, I donīt pick him up, I donīt stay long at all.. but he needs me to get there.
And I always do, I give in. So do I just stay away for the whole night no matter the crying? This is why Iīm not sure what to do.... :-/

[~inbalance~]

That is tricky!

When he cries, does he really truely need you?  And he won't stop unless you go in?

How is his language, can he tell you what the issue is?

Does he have a lovey or a nightlight?

I'm thinking you need to work on soothing him with your sleep phrase but not going right up to the crib.  Start with standing close but not right up, and work your way further towards the door.  I guess kind of like a gradual withdrawl in a way.  He will probably be really upset by this and it might take awhile the first few nights, but he has to learn to do it on his own.

With regards to your thread title, in my experience it does get better after the first few nights once LO realizes that you mean business but you do have to be consistent and not give in.

[Maxmiliansmom]

Thank you Martina,
thatīs my experience as well. Sleep training when he was only few weeks old was a big success and sticking to the routines no matter how tempting it is to co-sleep sometimes as he is bigger now is something I am always willing to do.. So the being consistent part is easy for me only as long as I have a plan :-)
Which is what you are helping with now. Thank you!

No he doesnīt really truly need me, I canīt say that his cry is like that most nights at all. But it becomes that if I donīt go to him, iykwim. And he wonīt stop unless I go to him.

His language is poor as he is multilingual :-/ But he understands a lot! So no he canīt tell me what it is.

He does have a lovey which he uses to selfsooth. He has now 9 pacifires around him and can replug himself.

We tried a nightlight but it only seemed to disturb him more as he is used to pitch dark.

What you say makes sense, it toally does. the only concern I have is him trying to climb out of his crib as he gets so upset and knowing iīm there but not where he wants me. :-(

So I am prepared for a few really hard nights, I just want to make sure I am doing this the right way and knowing exactly what to do before jumping ahead doing it.


I really wouldnīt even mind this if I didnīt think it is something that is keeping him from even a better night of sleep. I think he has so much potential of sleeping through the nights now that teething has stopped and he is not sick or anything else is in the way. He eats well, so he is not hungry. He drinks water well, (ive tested a few times to see if he is thirsty, but he ll only take one sip). So itīs really all just a propp of him needing me to resettle at night...

[~inbalance~]

I think he will get there once he understands you won't come tuck him in.

Please keep us posted.  Remember it is tough at first because LOs don't like change and they will resist, but if you keep at it hopefully he will understand that mummy is always there if he needs you but that you cannot run to his crib all the time to put him back to sleep. 

[Maxmiliansmom]

Thank you, the advice and support has always helped me in the past!
Iīll keep you updated, yes :-D

XOXOXOX

I think he will get there once he understands you won't come tuck him in.

Please keep us posted.  Remember it is tough at first because LOs don't like change and they will resist, but if you keep at it hopefully he will understand that mummy is always there if he needs you but that you cannot run to his crib all the time to put him back to sleep. 

[Maxmiliansmom]

Sooooo, the first night after this, He was making noises, I didīt go to him at all, and he slept through the rest of the night.... But the past 2 nights have been like hell!! There is no way i can go through with this using my voice or walkin/walkout. It only seems to make his crying worse. The first night this started, he got so upset he cried for over an hour. I had to take him up and hold him in order to help him calm down. He was screaming, crying, throwing himself all over the place and at the end trying to climb out of the crib...
I feel trapped!!! And its not the worse case, I know, I am thankful for all the things that are good and working, but I wish that my comforting during teething didīt turn into a propp:-(

[~inbalance~]

(((hugs)))!!!  I'm going to see if I can get some more eyes over here to offer up some ideas for you. 

[sianie]

Hi there!

{{Hugs}}, breaking any habit is tough unfortunately, especially as LO's get older & wiser to things! 

I'm afraid that weaning him from you going in to him during the night will involve crying & there's no way around that, but I guess it's about understanding that the cries will be out of frustration that you aren't doing what you've always done if that makes sense?

The key to any sleep training is consistency, yes the first few nights will be hard but if you stick with it then it will pay off... for all of you.

Do you think that GW (gradual withdrawal) would work better for your LO? I think we need to try & come up with a plan that you are comfortable with.