12 Month old won't self feed at all, or hold own bottle...Please help!

[Rainey]

Hello! We have a 12 month old son and I am searching for some help because he has no interest whatsover in finger feeding, or in holding his own bottle.

I had his 12 month appt. and the doctor seemed a bit concerned that he was doing neither of these things. I'm trying to do all I can to encourage him to self-feed and to hold his own bottle...or switch to a sippy cup, but he is just not interested.  Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!

I'm stressing out of this and my husband just says to relax and he'll do it when he's ready....which is of zero help!
Any suggestions?
Lorraine

[deb]

Will he take food from your plate? Does he have a pincer grasp he uses for other tasks? Definitely something to look at and wonder about, although not be alarmed about just yet. But if he's super-hungry, if he will pick up a bit of food or reach for your plate if he sees you enjoying something, that's a good sign.

[Rainey]

Yes he has the pincer grasp...and he will reach for food from our plates, but nothing ever ends up in his mouth. 

[Lolly]

What's your routine like at the moment, how much milk is he having? If he is getting plenty of milk and purees then he may not be motivated to eat finger foods because he is full up. I wouldn't worry too much about not holding his bottle though, my DS didn't hold the bottle for himself until he was at least 18 months, he was quite happy for mummy to do it .

What type of sippy cup are you using? If it's a valved one I would try a free flow spout instead. Valved cups are very hard to get liquid out of and he may not realise there's anything in it! We uses the Tommee Tippee first cups and put it to their lips and tipped it for them at first until they realised there was something in it! We also let them play with the cups a lot which helps!

Laura

[Rainey]

Thanks, Laura.  I am just at my wits end as I feel like I am failing my son!   
I have answered your questions below....

What's your routine like at the moment, how much milk is he having?

He has between 20-25 oz of milk/day.  I feed him 3 meals/day and offer finger foods at every meal. I usually wind up feeding him everything as the MOST he will do is push a puff or cheerio into his mouth after I have just strategically placed it on his lips!   Usually 1-2 snacks, of yogurt or another fruit.

If he is getting plenty of milk and purees then he may not be motivated to eat finger foods because he is full up. I wouldn't worry too much about not holding his bottle though, my DS didn't hold the bottle for himself until he was at least 18 months, he was quite happy for mummy to do it .
This is reassuring!  I think this may be our case.  I am at his beck and call.  He is our first and I stay home with him, so he basically wants for nothing. I am going to try to wait longer before I intervene to let him feel more of the hunger, which may be a motivator. 

What type of sippy cup are you using? If it's a valved one I would try a free flow spout instead. Valved cups are very hard to get liquid out of and he may not realise there's anything in it! We uses the Tommee Tippee first cups and put it to their lips and tipped it for them at first until they realised there was something in it! We also let them play with the cups a lot which helps!
I have tried 3 different kinds...valved and non-valved.  The issue is that he won't even hold it to bring it to his hlips...:-( 

[Lolly]

Why don't you give him finger foods for his snacks instead of yoghurt? Keep offering fingerfoods with meals too, that's good! You can offer him less of the mush and make part of his meal the finger foods. Another thing you can do is give him messy foods like yoghurt on his tray and let him play with it, babies generally will put their hands into their mouth at some stage when covered in something!

With the sippy cup just let him play with it, use the free flow and show him how water pours out and leave him to it! My two were/ are very fond on letting the water pour out then splashing their hands in it!

You are doing a great job by the way - there is no right and wrong in this feeding game and he will be eating finger foods by the time he starts school honest !

Laura

[Rainey]

THanks, Laura.  So, I tried the yogurt on the tray strategy and he got it all over himself, including in his eyes. But I do believe he did get at least a couple of licks into his mouth!  Hooray!  Poor guy...he was so frustrated by the end, so I gave him the rest by spoon. 

Dinner consisted of pasta and meat sauce, bread and cream cheese, pears and water.   He only had tiny bits of all, and spit out all of the pasta and sauce. He didn't get any into his mouth at all, but his fingers were covered with food.  I wound up popping bits into his mouth so he would at least have some food in his stomach before bed. 

I cut out one bottle today, so I saw his food intake go up. On his first bottle of the day, I put his fingers on the bottle while he drinks from his high chair and I hold it with one finger.  He can go about 1 minute holding it on his own.  The rest of the day, I hold it for him...and I feed him his last bottle upstairs, in the snuggley chair before bed. 

Any other thoughts or suggestions from anyone?  I know this can be a long process, but I want to do all that I can do to help him to reach this important milestone.
Thanks in advance,
Rainey

[Lemonthyme]

You do expect mess at this age.  My son at nearly 13 months is a bit hit and miss on finger foods; can feed himself but sometimes can't be bothered (especially if tired). 

I'd switch to a free flowing cup anyway from this age to protect his teeth.  My LO can pick up his cup and get it to his mouth; doesn't mean he chooses to most of the time!  I think that's just boys for you!

As for important milestones; the important thing is he has a pincer grip IMO, if he didn't, that could suggest something is wrong.  Your son is just choosing not to feed himself.  That said I found my son wasn't all that interested in feeding himself until I discovered he loved peas and sweetcorn!  He was never all that bothered with larger finger foods but small ones get hoovered up!

[Rainey]

Thanks, Lemonthyme.  I agree that he likes to be fed and sits back while I pop in the food.  I guess the challenge is how much do I let him wait and get frustrated (cry) before I intervene and feed him?  I hate to see him have a melt down, which is more my issue than his.  Any suggestions on finding the balance between waiting and intervening?
Thank you!
Rainey

[Texomamama]

I agree with PP's.  I think if your LO had some issues with his gross motor skills that affect his feeding, then there would be lots of other clues already- not crawling, standing etc.

As far as not holding his bottle, I personally do not think that is at all important.  My DD1 never held her own bottle at any point because I wanted to control her bottle feeding.  Sippy cups take lots of practice. For DD1, I seem to recall it was a few months (although she did have it down by 12 months, but that was only when I got rid of the bottle).  I am just now starting to give DD2 a sippy to play with at 9 mo, and I am sure it will take her a while to figure out.

[Rainey]

Thanks, Texo. 
One more item I forgot to mention....DS was 5 weeks early, so technically, he is just entering his 11month now.  The doctor mentioned that some preemies have "low muscle tone", which may be an issue for him.  He is standing and pushing up and starting to cruise, although that has only happened in the past 2-3 weeks.

 

[Lemonthyme]

Personally I really wouldn't push him.  I leave my LO to feed himself while I do things in the kitchen or eat myself (eating with him might help btw) and if he's not getting much or if I want to feed him something which can only be eaten off a spoon then I feed him but also give him fingerfoods like vegetables alongside it.  I'd just relax tbh. 

[Rainey]

Thanks, Lemon. I know I need to relax....I know, logically, that he will likely pick this up soon. 

The problem is that when we are around other babies his age (or younger!) they are easily finger feeding, holding and drinking from sippy cups, and almost walking, while my little guy is doing none of the above.     Makes it hard not to worry. 

I guess I just want to do all I can on my end to help him reach his milestones and get him any extra help he may need. 

[deb]

Give him lots of opportunities to pick things up and he'll get it. You can make mealtimes interactive - My turn, Your turn, My turn, Your turn again! - stuff like that.

For cups, we gave Natalie super-small cups (like shot glass size) with water when she was quite small - they were little plastic ones from IKEA, they came with the kids' tableware set and were maybe an ounce each, but at a year old your might be ready for a plastic shot glass. When Nat was still learning, we'd put maybe 4-6 of them half-full of water on the table for her to practice with at mealtimes and she got really very adept at drinking from cups. It took a few months, mind you, but since it took her older sister till well past her third birthday to get the heck off sippy cups and we didn't want to do that again, we allowed for the mess and gave her as many opportunities as we could to try them, to see us try them, to imitate us, and so on.

[Rainey]

Thanks, Deb.  I actually considered skipping the sippy cup and going right to a little cup because they seem like such a pain (I hate to seek kids toting them around all the time). But, with his attachment to the bottle, I thought the sippy may be easier for him to adjust to.

Hubby and I have started having a family dinner time (DH now gets home a little earlier so we can all eat together).  And, I always have my breakfast or lunch with DS.     

I guess it's the process part that is unnerving.  I "think" he's making progress, but when you're with him 24/7, it's hard to even tell anymore.

Personally, I love the bottle feed time at bedtime with him.  He snuggles right up and we have some nice quiet time together.  So, this will be the last one to go.

[deb]

Nothing wrong with hanging on to a bottle feed when it's just a milk feed. But for the table, you can transition to a cup more easily, especially as it's what he'll see you and DH doing.

[weaver]

Hey Rainey,
really don't stress about the food, especially if he's only at 11 months developmentally.    You'll probably find that just one day he'll just go for it, especially when he's watching others doing it.

I was just thinking you could have a look at what he gets up to when he's playing...does he pick things up and aim for his mouth?  Does he get them in?  Maybe if you track what he's doing in that way, it might take a bit of stress out of eating by lowering expectations.

But do be prepared for lots of mess! My LO is reasonably good at picking up finger foods (when he's in the mood) but he really enjoys putting his hands into apple purée or soup or what have you and then sticking 'em in his mouth.  And his hair...that'll be your guy soon enough!

[Lemonthyme]

Oh my LO likes picking up things then leaning over the side of his highchair and dropping them deliberately.  He sometimes then cries because he's dropped it.  Hmm.

[Rainey]

Hi Ladies,

I'm happy to report that DS held his bottle ON HIS OWN for about 2 minutes this morning!  I gave it to him in his high chair, helped him get his hands around it, then walked away!  I bustled around the kitchen and to my delight as I kept peeking over at him, he still had his hands on his bottle and was sucking away!  This is a HUGE victory in our house! 

Still no progress with finger foods, but I feel very encouraged with the bottle. So proud of my little one! 
Thanks, Ladies, for all of your encouragement!
Lorraine

[Lolly]

Yeah! That's great!

When my two held their bottles they were always lying in my (or DH's) arms so it was a lot easier than sitting up to do it!

Laura