23 mth wants to be APOP to sleep all of a sudden

[B J]

I don't know what's happening with our DD. This past week he's been demanding to be held at nap and BT.  We do a wind down and get him nice and calm and he seems ready to sleep but as soon as we put him down he pops up and is asking to be picked up. He escalates to crying really bad if we don't.  So we've ended up having to walk around the house with him while he calms down, he won't just sit quietly in his room.  And then when it looks like he is really exhausted we sit with him in his room and he falls asleep in our arms and we can put him down.  Last night it took DH 2 hours to get him to finally fall asleep after 9pm and he was up this morning at 5:40 asking to be held!  I don't want this to become a habit.

I don't know if this is SA, developmental, teething, OT, or a routine tweak needed?

I think he was a bit OT last Sunday as he only had a 45 min nap in the car, so all week I've tried to catch him up with earlier naps and BT if needed.

We also medicate before sleeps and I do a DF of meds at 1:30 am every night.

Before this started happening he was also starting to take longer to fall asleep at night.  The norm for him is 30 min, but now it can take an hour-ish. 

His typical day, when things were "normal"

Wake 6:00 - 6:30
Nap  11:30 - 12:00 (depending on wake time, 5.5A, sleeps for 2h usually)
Wake 1:30 - 2:00
BT 7:00 - 7:30 (depending on nap length, asleep by 8:00)

For today's nap, we tried to put him down at 11:30.  I wanted to see if more A time would help him go down easier, but the same thing happened.  He was clearly tired but started screaming when we tried to leave the room.  Both DH and I stayed in there and said our sleep phrase but he kept crying and asking to be picked up.  Finally I calmed him down by rubbing his back and shhhing while he stood in his crib.  I wouldn't pick him up.  Then I got him to lay down and I rubbed his back and shushed. He was out within minutes.

DH and I are now scared at nap and BT.  Help!  Any ideas?

[~inbalance~]

I don't know if this is SA, developmental, teething, OT, or a routine tweak needed?

Could be any or all I'm afraid!    And often there is more than one culprit at work, i.e. SA is caused/made worse by teeth.

Is he teething at all?

Rather than fall into the AP trap, you have two main options here to get back on track while you are riding out the phase.  Here is a link outlining them:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

Usually when an LO has been an independent sleeper previously, you would use wiwo.  What do you think?

FWIW we did go through similar behaviour at this age.  For us teeth were involved, but actually is was mainly developmental I think as DS1 had a bit of a leap in language and comprehension.  I also think he was having SA for daddy in particular so we adjusted his wind down so that he got more time with both of us (but especially daddy ) in the evening.  It did pass. 

[B J]

I've used both WIWO and GW in the past when things were wonky and we were able to get back on track.  But this time his crying escalates really fast and it's worse than anything we've experienced so far.  I started off using WIWO when this started but he is crying so hard that his head is all sweaty.  He won't be soothed by our voices alone.

He may have his 2 year molars lurking but we don't see anything yet. I've been medicating for weeks now. 

I decided to try GW tonight since his crying is so bad that leaving him would just make him more upset.  But being in the room and doing nothing just made him upset too.  So I had to do the same thing - rub his back while he stood in his crib crying.  He kept asking to be picked up but I told him I'm not picking him up. He finally stopped and stood there for a while with me rubbing his back.  I told him to lie down but he wouldn't at first, but eventually he did and I had to continue rubbing his back and he fell asleep.  All this took about 30 min which is an improvement.  I told DH to leave as him being there may be making DD more upset since he mainly wanted DH to hold him.  Plus I'm able to hold firm in my approach where as DH would give in.

DD also has this new tactic where he asks for more water in his sippy even though it's already full!  So while he was crying he was asking for water but even if you go fill it, then he pushes it away all upset. It's very annoying. Tonight I just ignored his request for water.

Both DH and I do wind down together every night so he gets time with both of us.  His language is very good though, and he's able to put together short sentences in 2 languages, so maybe some of it's developmental.

I don't like to AP, but tonight it was better than dealing with the hysterical crying and it was less stressful.  I'm hoping he'll get the message that we're not going to pick him up.  But MIL watches him Mon - Thurs and I'm scared he'll start this with her and she will likely give in to him.  She said she hasn't had a problem so far, but it seems like it's gotten worse the last few days.

[~inbalance~]

I think what you are doing is fine, because you can take a gw approach and start to lesson the back rubbing as you go along.  So if you feel comfortable with that and it is working then I would go with it but it is important that anyone else who puts him down is consistent as well.

In all likeliness teeth are probably involved somewhat.  We actually didn't have trouble with 2yr molars, but we had this kind of behaviour with canines, and lots of moms have said that 2yr molars were horrible for them as well.  Darn teeth! 

There is probably some sleep regression that goes along with developmental leaps around 2yrs as they are common around birthdays and half birthdays.

What is your wind down like?  We had to adapt ours when DS1 was around 2yrs just to make it more age appropriate, and it really did help with our settling issues at the time.  So we actually made it longer and more relaxed, and let him decide more what he would do with the time.  So instead of having bath then heading to his room and doing his entire wind down there, we would let him come downstairs, maybe watch a show and have a bedtime snack and milk, then put on pyjamas, brush teeth, read some books, and finally up to bed where we might have a quick chat or song before tucking him in.

It does help to remember that it is likely a phase and if he slept well before than he will again once it passes.  The less AP you can use, the easier it will be to get back on track.  But in my experience, once an LO has developed really good sleep habits, they usually return to them again.