3yr old....Not your average night wakings

[bensmuma]

I say not your average because in reviewing the post about other lo's this age waking at night the average seems to be 2-3 times. Our lo sometimes wakes 6-7 times. This is not new. He's rarely slept through the night has almost always wakened 1-2 times but since he developed a memory (or so it seemed that's we remember). The first waking used to be @ 1-2am, then several times until wake up (630ish), now it comes @10pm. He has lots of nightmares, crying out in desperation, simply scared of the night other times, sometimes thirsty, or wants covers. All of which I understand to be normal for his age (3 in March)....but seriously >4 times sometimes? My question is WHY is he waking so often? The nightmares I get, but why does he wake so often?? I am considering taking him to the Dr because this cannot be normal. We've gotten so used to sleep deprivation which is probably why I seem so blazee. I have a one year old who had woken at minimum 2 times a night AS WELL up until 2 months ago.....need I say more? I think since she started sleeping 12hrs straight we feel like we're getting "more" sleep now when we only have to get up 4-5 times instead of 6-8!! I don't get it. Anyone out there have similar experience?  I've guessed and tried pretty much everything at this point. Nightlight, door open, fan, nap, no nap, taking it out, not going in, you name it. I guess I'm just looking for support.   
Thanks.

[~inbalance~]

Hi there, that is pretty tough!  Has he ever slept well?  Does he have any prop issues?  Can you post your current routine?  What happens when he wakes, what do you do and how long is he awake for?  Sorry for all the questions!

[bensmuma]

Hi Martina, he's never been a great sleeper. I can probably count on 2 hands the number of times he's ever sttn. He has a blankie but it has never caused a problem so no props. When he wakes and cries out, one of us go in comforts for a minute then leaves. Most times it's shot lived. There are other times when when he's scared and doesn't want us to leave so we'll end up sittin gin the rocking chair for a few minutes and slip out. We always tell him that we'll only stay for a little while then are going back to our own bed, so he doesn't expect us to be there when he wakes. Sometimes the short lived visits can be problematic because he'll continue to cry out every 15-20min or so...as if he can't fall back to sleep and gets scared. He's always slept independently at bedtime. We had some troubles with the initial transition to the bbb but that was short lived. Here's our current rountine:

0630 Wake
0700 Breakfast
0930 Snack
1200 Lunch
1230/1300 Nap (varies avg an hour)
1500 Snack
1730 Supper
19000 Books (we have a long wind down)
1930 Bed ( if no nap, then 1900 bed )

Let me know what you think. Thank you!

[~inbalance~]

My DS1 is almost 3yo and while he has been a good sleeper, he is waking a lot more than usual these days.  Usually once a night, occasionally twice.  He used to never wake!  So I am similarly frustrated.  Most of the time he doesn't need anything but reassurance, and I am in and out of there quickly after a tuck in and a kiss.  I don't know what is going on with him but I have noticed that recently he is scared of a lot of things.  He is always saying he is scared, and of the dark particularly.  We bought him a nightlight and for 2 nights he sttn, but then went back to waking.  So I am at a bit of a loss!  I am thinking that at this age they start to understand fear and being scared, and are very much affected by different things throughout the day.  i.e. scared of the dark, thunder, bugs, scary things on tv, intense movies, loud noises, etc.  I was going to post soon actually asking if this is normal for the age, which I'm sure it is.  It sounds like you might be experiencing something similar?  But it is worse for you it sounds since your DS never slept as well to begin with.

I don't think it's a routine issue, your routine is somewhat similar to ours in terms of amount of sleep.

Right now I try not to get too upset since it just seems he needs reassurance, kwim?  I am hoping it will pass!  Maybe someone else will have some more ideas for us! 

[babybarr]

I think waking 6 or so times a night would indicate discomfort to me personally.  I'm assuming all teeth are in?  What about any allergies or food issues?  Has it always been about evey hour from midnight?

[bensmuma]

Martina, I'm hoping it will pass too, unfortunately this is not a fleeting sleep issue. It' been on going for a long time. it's not 6-7 times every night or the exact same times every night. Last night for example he didn't wake until 250. I stirred him before I went to bed at 10 so maybe that helped. I do believe some of it has to do with age and stage...I've done all the research I could. But the other times...definitely not.

Babybarr, no allergies or food issues. He has a very warm room but the A/C is always on AND we have a fan in there. I don't think it's a comfort issue.

Deep down I suspect it's an unfortunate combination of things....sensitive kid, nightmares, night fears, age, comfort. I guess my question is does anyone think this warrants a visit to the Dr???

[~inbalance~]

I don't think it would hurt to go to the doctor if you are concerned, kwim?  It's not like it would do any harm just to ask. 

[babybarr]

I agree with Martina, there's no harm in seeking some advice.

[bensmuma]

So our Pedi din't say anything I didn't expect  the nighmares/fears will pass and the other night wakings are likely due to conditioning...AP basically! It seems almost that he wakes after almost every sleep cycle and calls out. We've ALWAYS responded even if only for a second. So finally last night after the past few weeks with him waking about 7 times a night (and my 1yr old also waking - in the midst of 2-1!!), we just stopped. he called out 3 times in one hour after which we were sooo over it. I went in and told I wouldn't be coming back if he yelled out again. He screamed "Mama" for more than 15min from his bed until finally he came out to our room. I took him back to his, over and over while he's screaming his brains out. I threatened to take 'Blankie' away (which in retrospect I wouldn't do again), and I actually did but gave it back fairly quickly. At this he got back on his bed, said thank you...sobbing and asked me to pull up his covers (which I didn't because that's how it all begins). Of course I"m sobbing outside his door because he's lying in bed doing that after cry sob/breathing thing sweetly asking for covers  Then he crashed until 530am...at which point he asked for covers again  This time I obliged without a word and he slept another hour. Tonight will be much of the same I'm sure except I'm alone until MN   Please help me have patience to see this through and pray it works...we've been sleep deprived so long I'm becoming a zombie, let alone a terrible parent 

[babybarr]

((((((hugs)))))) hun

I am sure we have all done things in the middle of the night that we regret.

I think you need to decide a plan for yourself so you're not caught off guard.  Perhaps when he wakes you call to him it's still time to sleep - perhaps from outside the door if necessary?  I think stop the going in but I think you need to assure him you are still around given it's been going on a long time.

[bensmuma]

I caved night two....I 've never been a CIO Mom and I can't start now. He had a much better night last night, woke only twice  . I have discovered that if we stay in the chair in his room when he wakes until he falls completely back to sleep, he sleeps longer periods! He needs what he needs and who am I to take it away from him? It's too hard to distinguish real fear from any manipulation so I'm just hoping the phase last less than ten years  .