EARLY WAKING - how to break cycle??? (I'm exhausted.........)

[MummySF]

I am at my wits end. EASY has gone haywire.

At present my DD ( 21 wks) is waking at 4.45-5am. ( sometimes there is a NW before this and sometimes not) She is hungry so I feed her like a night feed in dark etc. She then is fully awake and will lie in the cot squealing, making noise etc so we are kept awake ( small house, room next door)
I then get up and start the day at 7am with a top up feed but she is tired by 7.30. I put her down for nap this morning at 7.45am, she is waking up as we speak 30 mins later. I feel SO confused by all I have read on here, EASY gone haywire as by the time she gets to 11am feed she is so tired and trying to fall asleep on the bottle. In the last few days she has had 1 hr 20- 1hr 40 at 12pm. She is bathing at 6pm, and feed, asleep by 6.45-6.50. I don't know how to break the cycle as she is so tired at 6pm she has to go to bed then.

Depending on which thread I read she is either constantly overtired due to poor naps, hence early wakings, OR going to bed too early  OR going to bed too late and therefore overtired. There seem to be so many theories.

Because she is not upset at 5am just awake I can't settle her - she does not need comforting. I have managed to extend some naps by PUPD. (ssh-pat does not seem effective with her). Yesterday I sat in the room while she had a nap, ready to settle her when she woke. But at 30 minutes she woke and was WIDE awake and grinning at me. It was like she is having a catnap in the morning and a longer nap later in the day.

If I accpet the fact that she has had enough sleep by 5am and that this is when her day starts then how do I run easy? Do I get up at 5am and start it then and bed at 5pm?

Yesterdays EASY:
E 3 am
Wake 5am
E 7am
A
S 8.15-8.45 (cot)

E 10.30
A
S 11.50-1.15 (cot)

E 2.30
A
S 3.40-5.10 (cot)

E 6.30

S 6.45

Wake 5am

I am exhausted, because when she wakes for a night feed at 2 or 3 ish then I have barely got back to sleep before she wakes up at 5. I can't get sleep in the day because her naps are all over the place.

Thanks

[creations]

I'm sorry I don't have the answers you're looking for, but just wanted to send ((hugs)) really as I've been there and know what it's like!  All I can really say is hang on in there, apparently there is a magical switch that gets flicked at the 6 month mark when day naps improve and this in turn will help with the night sleep.  My LO's switch flicked a few weeks ago (about 5.5 mths) and he started having good morning naps on some days, not on others but gradually over the last couple of weeks it's got to the point of good morning naps just about every day and now improving on ability to afternoon nap too and our EWs are much better than before.

So - if all else fails just keep telling yourself that this will not go on for ever, in another month the routine will be different.  Meanwhile, the afternoon nap looks reasonably good, try to get a little shut eye yourself at that time.  Or, as there is a 7-8 hr stretch of sleep from 7ish to 3ish organise things so that YOU go to bed at 7pm just for a few days to help get over your current exhaustion.  I know you can't do that long term, it's just impractical, but one or two nights might help you feel better.

Personally I wouldn't go 5pm to 5am because my LO was trying to move BT earlier and earlier like he was running on a 22 or 23 hr day instead of 24 and any attempt to give an earlier BT just resulted in even earlier EW.  But someone else might have a different experience.

You could try wake to sleep - which is to rouse LO an hour before the EW to get her into a new sleep cycle (difficult when you've also go the 3am feed though - are you sure she is hungry as there is only a 2 hr gap there!?)

At the 5am wake she is hungry but is she crying for food?  I'd hold her off if possible by a few mins each day so that over time she learns the feed is coming later and therefore no point waking for it until later.

Have you tried total blackout on the windows?

Have you tried introducing a dream feed around 10.30 - 11pm?  If you can get success with the DF you might be able to cut the 3am feed and at least get a stretch of time when YOU can sleep (11pm - 5am).  My LO wouldn't take a DF but I always lift him, change his nappy and feed at that time.  He is woken by lifting but stays sleepy and goes straight back to sleep.  Getting up at 5am is a drag but it's torture for you if you have a NF too!

A few ideas there, sorry can't be of more help but perhaps some more help will come along soon xx

[Spandanna]

Ooof it's horrible having EW with a night feed to conten with. If she wakes happy and babbling try leaving her to see what happens. If she's just babbling leave her to it eventually she probably will just resettle especially if she's had a feed two hours before.

One thing that does stand out is the long A time in the morning. After a 5am wake up she is boun to be OT by 8.15. Try getting her down to sleep nearer 7.15-7.30 to see if she does a longer nap. I know this means the whole day is out but that first A time really is too long and may causing her to acrew overtiredness throughout the day

[clairebear79]

Hi there

Firstly I want to give you some (((((hugs))))).  Because I know firsthand the exhaustion & frustration that EWing can cause. My DS started EWing at around 5 months old & it has continued right up to now (he's almost 11months).  I don't want to scare you with that, as we are  FINALLY having some progress in resolving it.  So lets see if we can all help you out.

PP is right in that day sleep does tend to improve around the 6 month mark & you are so close now so do hang in there.  However, it does look to me like you have a reasonable napper on your hands since you are getting some good naps of 1.5hrs long - GREAT!  

What do you do when she wakes up early?  Do you go straight in to her & feed?  Are you certain she is hungry at this time (esp. if she only had a feed at 3am)?   When you lay her back down & she is happy & babbling, what do you do then?  Do you leave her be or do you go in & try to help get her back to sleep?  I appreciate its frustrating when you can hear them squealing etc (we have exactly the same in our house too!) but I agree with the PP that IIWM I'd leave her to it & she may well drift off back to sleep.  Use of ssh/pat or PU/PD are only intended for if your LO is crying.  So if she's not, there's no need to intervene.

Other possible causes of EWing could be that she is too hot/cold, outside light or noise (e.g. birds). If you haven't got blackout blinds curtains I would highly recommend them & if the birds could be disturbing her you could always try some white noise.

WRT your routine, I also would not treat 5am as the start of the day.  If she is happy to lay in her cot in the mornings, leave her there until your normal start to the day.  In our house we agreed that we wouldn't get up before a certain time - we decided on 6am.  Until then, DS stays in bed, in the dark, like it is night time.    

In terms of her current EASY a couple of things stand out.  I think you are in an UT/OT loop.

1) Around 6 months (some earlier, some later) LO's are getting ready to drop the catnap.  This usually happens once they can handle A times of 3hrs.  The CN is just that - a short nap to tide them over til BT, however, your LO's catnap is actually the longest nap in the day (1.5hrs) & ends at 5.10pm.  This is a pretty good length nap & I would expect your LO to be able to handle near enough a full A time after it, yet she is going to sleep after only 1h 35 of A time.  My suspicion is that the CN is contributing to your EW problems b/c it is too long a nap, too late in the day, so she is not *quite* tired enough to go to sleep & have a full night's sleep, IYSWIM?

2) The short 30min AM nap appears to be OT.   This is b/c she is waking early & PP is right that her 1st A time is long for her age.  Normally A times are around 2-2.25hrs at 5 months, maybe up to 2.5hrs as they near 6 months.  Then she does an A time of 2h 55mins after this short nap before her next nap.  I'd say that is also too long an A time, especially after a short nap.  My 11 month old only does 2.5hr A time after a 30min nap.  

Just so you know, what is finally working for us is to push the AM nap out slowly but surely, so it starts later (preferably 9am or later).  As if you give the AM nap too early in the day it can just reinforce the EW as they use the AM nap to catch up on their lost night sleep.  

However, for your situation, doing this alone would not be the best idea b/c she is so much younger than my DS & she is already doing an OT nap at 8.15am.  Pushing the nap out at this stage would only make her more OT & we don't want that if we can help it.  It IS something that will need to be addressed once she is no longer OT though, as this could just cause your EWing to continue.  

IMHO I think I would try 2 things.  

Firstly, we need to get the CN to be the shortest nap of the day.  I'd probably wake her 15mins earlier, so she sleeps 1h 15 not 1.5hrs.  Put her to bed at the normal time.  This may be tough as she will be tired out from the long day - but hopefully 15 mins will not stretch her too far. Hopefully she might sleep a little later in the morning - which will then mean its not so long until her AM nap, so she shouldn't get so OT & therefore should start to extend her nap.  Do this for a few days - if there is no effect, shorten the CN a little more.  

Secondly, shorten the A time before her AM nap to see if it will get you a better nap. If she still does a 30min nap, put her down for her next nap a bit sooner than you have been doing. What we are trying to do is get her to take her 2 longer naps in the AM and early PM, and take her shortest nap - the CN around tea time.  As her A times then start to increase, the CN will eventually be dropped.

I suggest doing those 2 things in that order b/c if you can promote a later wakeup by cutting the CN then the 1st A time will naturally shorten without you having to shift the AM nap earlier in the day.  As I said an early AM nap can reinforce EWing so we don't want that if we can avoid it.  Also it avoids throwing your whole routine off for the day.

Ive put in a couple of links for you to have a look at:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=163926.0
also some sample routines you might find helpful to give you an idea of what you are aiming for:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64158.msg476652#msg476652
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164029.0

I also want to reiterate what PP said about going to bed early for a couple of nights - I did this when our EW's were at their worst, & this really helped me to feel better the next day as I wasn't so exhausted.  If you are better rested you will cope with things so much better.

Sorry for the long post - EW is such a complicated business!!!!

HTH.xx

[MummySF]

At the 5am wake she is hungry but is she crying for food?

If she has fed at 2 or 3am, NO, she is not hungry and so she is not fed, however if she wakes earlier she does cry for food.
 

Have you tried total blackout on the windows?

Yes, got all that!

Have you tried introducing a dream feed around 10.30 - 11pm?

We used to do dream feed but the longest period of sleep we would ever get was 5 hours, whereas when we dropped it get anything from 7-10 hours sleep so reluctant to reintroduce it though I see where you are coming from

What do you do when she wakes up early?  Do you go straight in to her & feed?

What I was doing was going in to check she was not stuck on her front ( another recent problem!)  so this morning I did not go in at all at 5am as she fed at 2, and she actually fell back asleep at 5.45. So this was a really good thing!

I agree that a long nap late afternoon is not good though I felt I had no choice because she was so tired. There is lots of things for me to think about and I REALLY appreciate everybody's help. I look forward to the magic 6 month switch!!!