Pleeeeeeeeeeese help me- 3 month old won't nap

[survivormarybeth]

Please please help me, I'm so fried and desparate!  I have been nursing my 3 month old dd to sleep in a recliner and sleeping with her on top of me for a couple of weeks now.  She used to take good daytime naps but now wakes up early from her first nap of the day and after that won't sleep unless she has my nipple in her mouth.  Since I can't even come close to establishing an EASY pattern, I will just report what's been going on.  This is the typical day lately:

Today she had about 10 hours of sleep next to me in the recliner since about 10 last night.  She had a dreamfeed at 2:30 a.m. and 6:10 a.m.
8:50 diaper change
9 breastfeed
sitting and talking with mom & dad, tummy time, laughing, swaddle, sit, cry/rooting
9:40 breastfeed on our bed
10ish shush pat, put in crib, cry, pick up, burp, put down
10:15 - 11:00
11:00-12:00 shush pat, pu/pd, left when quiet, just stares ahead or cries when leave, shush/pat seems to keep her awake
12:12 breastfeed on our bed, still swaddled
12:15-sleep on breast if I try to pull out my nipple at any time, she starts sucking again
12:35 my nipple falls out of her mouth (deep sleep?)
12:55 dd wakes when I get up
dd sits & talks with daddy, smiles a bit, tummy time
1:50 dd starts crying, rooting
2 breastfeed in recliner, dd drinks a lot
2:11dd sleeps at breast and stops drinking  but if I attempt to remove nipple she roots frantically
2:30 nipple falls out of dd's mouth (deep sleep?()
2:55 frantic rooting/eyes open, nipple in, suckle, sleep
after 20 mins, nip fell out but she woke up when I talked and is still awake now after quietly staring ahead in her crib and then crying

[Khalam's Mama]

Oh Dear, sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.

When you say she has a dreamfeed at 2.30am, do you mean you fed her while she was still asleep (DF) or she woke and then you fed her (what we would call a night feed?)

Pupd tends to be for babies under 4mo so she may find that too stimulating at this age. So did she sleep independently at 10.15  after her burb?

Does she take a dummy/paci? She sounds like she is using you as a pacifier which has now become her prop to sleep. Can you feed her as soon as she wakes so she isn't tired to fall asleep on her breast? It may be worth introducing a dummy if she has a strong need to suckle? Alternatively you could introduce a lovey or help her find her thumb to suck instead.

1hr10mins does seem short A time for 3mo (my DS also 3mo is doing about 1.5hrs) so she may not be tired at 10am if she only got up at 8.50am. (Did she wake at 8.50?) This may explain why sh/pat keeps her awake. Is she crying when you do it? Only because it is to calm a crying baby, not to put a baby to sleep as such. If she is happy have you tried white noise/music, a dark room. Do you have a set winddown routine to give her cues it is time to sleep?

I would watch her closely and when she starts to soothe on your breast (when she stops swallowing and it feels more fluttery etc) I would take her off and give her an alternative to soothe her as I mentioned about.

[survivormarybeth]

Bless you for answering my cry!

It's more of a night feed I guess, but as she's sleeping on my tummy, when she starts rooting, I put her on my breast, so she doesn't wake much, but she seems to fall right asleep again and does take a full feeding at night.

She did indeed sleep independently at 10.15 after her burp, although I had to stay the 20 minutes and sh/pat her a little bit when she stirred a few times.  I know that she is definitely using me as a pacifier but I am having such a hard time breaking the vicious ESESESAAAES cycle. (extended awake times when I try to put her to sleep without bf'ing & will ONLY sleep with my nipple in her mouth) 

She spits out a pacifier.  We only tried to introduce one recently and she spits out all the different kinds.

She always has white noise (a portable a/c or fan) and she actually is worse when it begins to get dark out and at night so I'm terrified to make her room dark.

I definitely have to review the 4 s's for a better wind-down routine but literally haven't had ANY time to do so.  We always wait until she yaws to swaddle her though.

 I am trying desperately to set her into an EASY but nothing is going right.

Thanks again!

[DSAN]

Thats great that she did one independent sleep!! I know it doesn't seem like much but even if she only does it once a day you know she CAN do it.

One thing we did to break the AES cycle was to do a diaper change right after the feed and then put DS down, so he woke up a bit and then I helped him go down independently.

Another key thing was to start a wind down ritual (as PP suggested), which can be as simple as a key phrase (in our house it's 'sleepy time for sleepy babies'), dim lights, cuddle, swaddle, bed... anything calming/not stimulating really, as long as you are consistent. I even do our wind down ritual even if I'm going to AP a nap...

Quite honestly, it will be hard to change the eat to sleep habit. And it is hard to get into a consistent routine. And it is hard to keep that routine consistent as they grow and change... but it is worth it!!

She always has white noise (a portable a/c or fan) and she actually is worse when it begins to get dark out and at night so I'm terrified to make her room dark.

I would guess that it is not the fact that it is getting dark but the fact that it is nearing the end of the day that makes her 'worse' in the evenings... evening fussiness (or in my DS's case, screaming non-stop for an hour before bed every night) at your LO's age is pretty typical as they wind down and release the stress of their day.

Oh, and like PP suggested, 1hr10min does sound really short for A time at 3months old. I think the FAQ board has some sample routines for different age groups that you could look at. I think my DS was doing closer to 1h30 at that age...

One thing to remember is to be gentle on yourself and your LO. If the nap is going downhill and she isn't settling, don't be afraid to put her in a carrier and go for a walk or something. I STILL have to do that (especially now as we are getting over some major OT).

[deb]

10 hours is actually kind of a short night, especially if she's not napping well. I'm guessing there's a fair amount of OT at play. If she's waking for the day already tired, she will indeed be showing sleepy cues after only an hour or so A time, but then the short A time leads to short naps and so on.

We went thru 5-minute nap hell when Josie (my oldest) was around 3 months. We got a lot of good guidance from Tracy and while not all the information may apply to your situation - Josie took a pacifier and that was contributing to some of the nap trouble - some of it may ring true for you, especially her suggestions about routine. http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=649.0

[survivormarybeth]

When she yawns, I begin her wind down.  Should I be timing her A time by the clock instead?  What can I do to make her go to sleep if she's OT?  Will sh/pat still work then?  If not, what can I do?

[Khalam's Mama]

It took lots of persistence to get b to take a paci. One good tip i got was to pull the paci out a bit so they know to suck hard. Often it is the tongue thrust reflex that spits the dummy out rather than the actively decide they dont want it. I agree it is unlikely the dark rather the time of day she is objecting too. She is likely very ot by that time if she hasn't had a good day of napping.

[deb]

When she yawns, I begin her wind down.  Should I be timing her A time by the clock instead?  What can I do to make her go to sleep if she's OT?  Will sh/pat still work then?  If not, what can I do?

Rather than "timing by the clock," maybe just keep a sideways eye on the clock and see if you can stretch the time she's not-asleep by a leeeetle bit every couple of days. You might even want to just stay in her room so it's not so much a wind-down but a gradual slowing based on her cues. If you keep it quiet enough, her eyes will barely be able to stay open and it should be easier from there.

[survivormarybeth]

I think I waited too long today to put her down.  She started crying after her morning bath, but I kept her up at least 30 minutes more while I researched how to wind her down.  Then I nursed her and she started to fall asleep so I took her in her room, changed her diaper, swaddled her, and put her in her crib.  She was quiet until a couple minutes after I left the room when she started crying.  I went in to sh/pat her but she just stayed wide eyed and frantically rooted on my shoulder then started crying so I brought her to my bed and nursed her to sleep.  She slept for about 46 minutes before her eyes popped open even though I had put my nipple back in her mouth when her eyes were still closed.  How long should I let her cry in her crib as she is going to sleep?  Should I go in immediately?  I feel like Steven Hawking as all I do all day is lay around and think while she uses me as a pacifer to sleep.

[Khalam's Mama]

Have you worked out her mantra cry? If she is crying an "I need you cry" I wouldn't let her cry at all in her bed, but if it is more of a mantra cry then wait until it turns to a more urgent cry. This may help.
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=141660.0
How long was she up in total? I wouldn't jump her A time too quickly. What did you think of the link Deb posted - anything ringing bells with your situation?
If she is used to being nursed to sleep, even getting her A right won't necessarily mean she will suddenly go down independently. You may need to sh/pat in your arms at 1st and progressively put her down more awake over time.

[survivormarybeth]

The link deb posted helped me make a plan more, but I haven't had compliance yet.  She has been up for 7 hours and has had one 45 minute nap and two 30 minute naps.  I am so miserable and desperate to have a happy, well-rested baby again.  I am so embarassed to show her to anyone because she's always overtired and not smiley.

[Khalam's Mama]

Remember she is 3mo and has had 3m to get used to doing things this way. It will take a while to get her out of the habit so unfortunately you probably can't expect results straight away. Don't be embarrassed. I know it is easy to feel like your baby is the worst one when they cry but all the other Mum's are probably thinking the same thing - I do. It isn't a reflection on you as a Mum. What have you been doing for those naps? What does your plan look like?

[survivormarybeth]

BTW, thanks a lot for the link to recognizing baby cries!  What does "mantra cry" mean?  I don't see that on the link.  If you know that your baby is definitely just overtired and nothing else is wrong, how long would you let her cry before you go in?  Once you go in, what do you do?  Right now she's kind of babbling/whimpering.  She got in another 55 minute nap and then a feed.  She's been up for 1 hour and 5 minutes but knowing she's overtired I put her down (also because she started to fall asleep while feeding).  Here we go again...it's 8 pm here btw.

[deb]

If the babble whimper thing isn't a distress cry, it's likely a mantra cry. If she sounds distressed that's another story. 

[Khalam's Mama]

I wouldn't ever time how long to let her cry. If she isn't distressed i would leave her until she sleeps but go in as soon as she starts to sound distressed. I would try to settle her in the cot 1st with sh pat or a gentle voice but if she doesn't pick her up and try over the shoulder maybe.