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Offline Gemmaj

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emotional upset and eating
« on: August 12, 2011, 08:42:54 am »
recently my 2 yo son has been unwell and my husband and I have separated.  as a result he is not eating very well at all!! I try not to draw attention to this and when he tells me he is done I just say the same thing I always say which is that it is ok but there isnt anything else till the next scheduled food time.

he is very upset and emtional right now and gets upset at the smallest thing - saying sorry mummy for who knows what!!

How to I get him emotionally stable again so that he will eat?!
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Offline Colin Macs Mom

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2011, 22:33:13 pm »
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry  :(  It sounds like maybe he feels responsible? Have you talked to him on his level about what's happening?
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Jessica
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Offline Gemmaj

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2011, 19:59:19 pm »
I try to - I try to talk gentle to him and say he doesnt need to be sorry etc but he just gets upset at everything!!
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Offline Lemonthyme

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2011, 13:07:35 pm »
Could you involve him in preparing the food?  Make it a game? 
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Offline Colin Macs Mom

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2011, 17:23:01 pm »
How are things?

I know this is a little off topic but I would consider getting some counseling for him if it continues much further. Poor LO sounds so heartbroken.
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Jessica
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Offline Lemonthyme

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2011, 20:01:11 pm »
I did hear on the radio a counselling expert saying that kids think automatically it's their fault if parents split up but that you shouldn't stay together just for the kids.  Hmm.  Not great advice because you can't really win.  Ultimately I was in a home where my parents were at each other's throats and my dad had a very open affair.  Frankly it did me no good even though they stayed together.  So in my very clumsy way what I'm saying is, don't feel guilty, it makes your child no happier if you stay together despite things being wrong.  I'm no counsellor but perhaps in a slight adjustment to the PP comments; perhaps you need some time to talk things through with someone?  I know when I feel a bit down, my son picks up on it and he plays up and becomes a little monster.  I realised after a while it was because when I feel down I give him less attention.  Perhaps food is a way of getting some control and attention?  So maybe giving yourself some time to talk it through with someone so you can have more energy would be a good thing?

I might be talking complete bo***cks so sorry if I offended because of course I don't know the full ins and outs of your situation, it's just a thought.

I hope things get better soon.
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Offline Gemmaj

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2011, 06:01:11 am »
counselling for a 2 year old?? how would that work?

I am trying to get a counsellor for myself but there is a 7 to 8 month waiting list!! so it is proving hard!!

I do give them less attention now than before - it isn't deliberate. and he is trying to control other things too but because he has just turned 2 I am not sure if that is part of it as well as the upset.  I have stopped potty training him to relieve some pressure on the poor lad and I am trying to gain back control in a good way so less shouting etc coz it isn't his fault at the end of the day.  I find that hard because my 9mo still has regular nw so I am SHATTERED!! so any tips on controlling emotions around the kids to make it easier on them would be very welcome!!

He actually ate a full meal last night for the first time in weeks!! homemade Chicken Curry!! so will have to make that again!!
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Offline Colin Macs Mom

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2011, 18:19:16 pm »
Great news about dinner!!

Where I live there are services available for a LO even as young as two, but I'm not sure if that's the same everywhere. But my goodness 7 - 8 months waiting for you?!?!?!?!
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Jessica
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Offline Lemonthyme

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2011, 19:52:13 pm »
Oh I know it's not deliberate, of course it isn't!  You're trying to hold everything together so you're probably busy let alone stressed out!

I'm guessing you're in the UK with that kind of waiting list, I reckon you need some time to be selfish so you have time and energy for your family.  If you're in the UK, it's worth contacting Homestart:  http://www.home-start.org.uk/homepage or if you're not in the UK or not in a Homestart area, try using your local health care professional for support (HV, GP, doctor).  Ask family too.  Is there someone you could ask who could look after your son for a couple of hours a week to have a bath, chill out etc?  I also really recommend getting out.  I find the day goes more quickly if I'm having a bad day if I get out; go to singing or reading groups (try your local library or surestart centre if in the UK), go swimming, go out to the park, go to a local farm...  All the fresh air will help you both and help his appetite.

I hope you get to see someone sooner.  It's not as good as seeing someone face to face but here's a link to an online CBT course.  http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome it might help tide you over.

Good luck.  I hope things improve soon.
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Offline Gemmaj

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2011, 18:50:55 pm »
i have just signed off from homestart as I was with them originally to cope with my daughters colic and sleep issues.  My volunteer is moving and I am hoping to move soon so we have left it for now to see how things go etc but if things dont improve I may ask for their help again!!

I have lost weight under the stress and as I am only a small person anyway this means it is proving more difficult to get out and about with the pushchair and I dont drive.  I have tried asking the docs if there is any other counsellors I can talk to but he said no and I cant join the university practice which have their own service because I am not a student (how stupid is that!!).

I think I can just about manage at home behind closed doors because if he starts kicking off I can sit him on the sofa till he calms down and then praise him for gaining control of himself but not sure how to handle it out and about!!  I am just not used to him having tantrums and not eating etc as he has always been so good!!

we had a great day of eating yesterday!! 3 full meals but then back to not eating much today.  had breakfast, some lunch then nothing from about 11ish onwards!! didnt even eat his tea!! I am trying so hard not to force the issue but I just worry about his weight and energy as he seems quite tired the last few days and not sure if that is coz of the eating, crying so much, not sleeping well coz of teeth or if he is having a growth spurt or just a combination of everything!!
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Offline Lemonthyme

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Re: emotional upset and eating
« Reply #10 on: August 18, 2011, 06:07:22 am »
Oh I'd ask for their help now!  It's what they're for!
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