We need some help with mealtimes please!

[<Catherine>]

DS is generally quite well behaved so I don't *really* have to discipline him a lot.....hence not having a clue what to do when I do have to! 

He's throwing food at EVERY mealtime now, and has been for a good few weeks. He's not doing it out of anger or anything, he just thinks it's funny. He'll start off eating really well, then after a while he'll start to throw. Usually the odd thing off his plate first, at which point I take it away and tell him he can't have it back if he's going to behave like that. He then often says 'I want to eat it nicely' and I'll give him another chance. This usually starts off ok again but almost always ends in more being thrown and sometimes the whole plate.

Should I just be removing it at the first sign of nonsense and that's it, end of dinner? If he's eaten a fair amount before the throwing starts then I will sometimes do this, but I've been reluctant to as he's not a huge eater and he's never been very big and I think I've noticed he's been losing weight recently. This may be a bit down to meals being cut short because of the throwing, or just down to him growing upwards but not outwards iykwim.

If I remove the plate and ignore him then his next trick is to wriggle out of the straps of his highchair and climb out of that  Which he thinks is an even better game than the food throwing.

And it's not just food that gets thrown. If I see he's about to throw and I grab his plate he'll pick up his drink and throw that, or his fork, or take his bib off and that gets launched across the room instead.

He's not throwing AT anyone, usually just off the side of the tray of his highchair, or sometimes over the back of the highchair.

How should I be handling this?

 

[~Sara~]

Hmm,...we're kind of going through this ourselves.  Mainly, I find that A will do stuff like this when he's bored, done with eating, or just in between bites.  We've tried a couple of things with some success so far:

-Aaron's really responded well to us letting him tap his fork on different things, like a drum.  He can do it on his food (gently though), on his cup, on another utensil, or on the placemat.  That keeps him occupied with something fun--when he's in between bites--and that DH and I find to be a workable solution for us (might not be for everyone).

-We will sing songs or redirect his attention with questions or a different line of thinking.  Something like: where is your nose/mouth/tummy?  Or what did you do today, and just walk him through that.

-We also emphasize where the food goes when we put it into our mouth: we swallow it, it goes down our throat, and into our tummy.  Food makes our tummy happy and keeps us from getting hungry.  A's responded really well to this technique lately bc he's really into the body.

As for what you've done, it's what I honestly would have--and have--tried first.  The above techniques don't work for us all the time, but like you, I hate to take away food as a punishment.  Hopefully others will chime in, too.

[<Catherine>]

Thanks Sara.

when he's bored, done with eating, or just in between bites.

Yeah, this is it really. Ironically tonight he ate every single bit on his plate perfectly. And it was a meal he'd never had before that I didn't expect him to like! So, turns out he did like it, and that coupled with it being new and interesting we had a good meal. But, he we do get the bad behaviour even when he's given a meal that he loves (admittedly he might eat more of it before the messing around starts though).

I really like your idea about explaining where the food goes, I think he'll quite like that too Will try that tomorrow. Do you find A still actually eats though? My first thoughts are that the distractions will be great to stop the throwing, but that he'll be too distracted to be bothered about eating. Food has just never been high on his list of priorities 

[~Sara~]

Do you find A still actually eats though?

Yes, sometimes.  But I think a lot of it is being a toddler and realizing how much fun it is to send your food flying.  Blueberries often get called "balls" and dropped accordingly

Sunday night, A was getting a bit fidgety at the table, so we had him take big bites (he loves thinking that he's taking HUUUUUGE bites on his fork) and each time he ate a bite we gave him a high five.  We normally don't have to resort to this, but he ate a great dinner and loved it (it was a meal he normally scarfs down). 

I think if you align the redirection with food/eating that might work.  So, right now, O throws his food.  But if you can come up with something else for him to do with his food, that might help.  Some days, I just expect A to not be as hungry...I think that can also contribute to getting creative with their food.  Depsite all the things I've tried above, I think trying to coax them too much or force them to eat isn't healthy either.

If you DID end up taking O's food away because he was throwing it, do you think he would ask you for more to eat later on?  You could always save it and serve it warmed up.

Bottom line: they do need to know that throwing food isn't what we do...just hope it doesn't appear nonchalant on my end.

[<Catherine>]

If you DID end up taking O's food away because he was throwing it, do you think he would ask you for more to eat later on?

No, he rarely ever actually *asks* for food. On the occassions that I have actually removed his plate all together it's only if I feel that he's had what I consider to be just about enough to last him through (I'm too terrified of him having NWs due to hunger!) and I do usually still give him 'dessert' (usually yogurt), again just because of the paranoia that he's not eaten enough. Also, it's not long after his meal that he's then bathed and he still has a large amount of milk before bed so he doesn't have chance to feel hungry, and the milk see's him through to the morning I suspect.

Perhaps it's just a phase and distracting him until the novelty wears off is the best tactic.

[Lemonthyme]

My son is nearly 16 months so a bit younger but with food throwing I was ignoring it, then I had enough one day, told him off and he's not done it since!  I was wondering whether he actually didn't know it was wrong!  I'm sure that's not the case though with your LO but at his age there must be something you have to do in the way of "I'm telling you not to do it and if you do these will be the consequences..."  Difficult not to turn mealtimes into a battle though.

[<Catherine>]

there must be something you have to do in the way of "I'm telling you not to do it and if you do these will be the consequences..."

Well exactly, I just don't know what.

I've used a very cross voice and he just laughs, if I ask him what he's done that was naughty he says 'throwing food on the floor', so he knows, but it makes no difference.

[*Liz*]

A 16 mth old flinging is kind of different to an older child - my 15 mth old is a nightmare for throwing (and feeding dogs!!).

My older isn't much of a thrower - but if he does it definately means meal is over and he is eating no more. One fling and I take the food. He would never ask for it back, and I just move on to pudding (90% of the time fruit and yoghurt) as that is usually what he wanted.

How verbal is O? Can he say why he is throwing? J will either say he is doing the same as 'little miss' or that his food was disgusting/ nasty/ horrible etc.

My DS is a poor eater so I do understand. He also weighs almost the same as my 15mth old (and she isn't a whopper either!). But I still think he needs to eat nicely - J is older though isn't he?? - and my expectations were lower at Os age I guess.

I wonder if there is a bit of boredom going on really. Have you tried a little picnic or something fun to change the scene a bit? Helps round here. Is he still fastened in a HC? We moved J to boosters and took the baby set off his chair when we was about 18 mths and his behaviour improved a ton after that. He does sometimes leave the table to check something (like what he did with the last toy he had) and then return, or sometimes leaves for good as he is fed up. And I guess I made my peace with that as it doesn't bother me anymore!

Now if only I could stop Meg doing it - if only telling her off would work - she just looks defiant and does it again. Or even worse - pours her drink behind the radiator   .

[<Catherine>]

He's very verbal, but I don't think I've actually asked him why he throws the food - I will do next time, I do wonder if i'll get a sensible answer though, he just seems to get silly with it, iykwim?

I do think boredom is the problem, but he's rarely eating on his own, we usually eat as a family and are talking to him the whole time etc. Will try and make things a bit more interesting for him.

With regards to the highchair, he just seems happier in it tbh. I know that probably flies in the face of what I'm saying here though!  He has a booster that we use when we're out, and I had been thinking about using it at home now too. I know he's a bit old to still be in it, but he's always been happy in it and still has plenty of room. Maybe the novelty of using that at home now will help to make mealtimes more interesting for him? I'm not brave enough to let him sit on a normal chair without being strapped in, I just *know* he wont be at the table for more than 2 minutes 

Typically he's eaten every meal very well since I started this thread, he even managed to just eat a huge bowl of rice crispies all on his own, and then ask for custard! And barely spilt a drop!

I think I'm going to try and make mealtimes more exciting for him, and also move him into the booster. If he starts throwing then he can have one more chance (if he wants it back), otherwise straight on to pudding, and just see if I'm consistent with that he may begin to get the message.

[Lolly]

Cath - H is still in a high chair so I don't think they are too old for it. Hers is one that doesn't have a tray so she is right at the table, she will be using it for quite a while as it's one of these wodden ones you use as a chair when you take the safety bar off the front. T is still sitting on a booster seat because he just isn't big enough to be able to sit comfortably to eat, he does when we eat out and he just can't keep still. She does just sit on the chairs when she is drawing or doing play-doh but she couldn't eat like that!

No help on the throwing, mine tend to shove stuff away, which is always fun when they knock their drinks over

Laura

[*Liz*]

Not explained what I use for J very well  - it is a stokke chair - so they outgrow the baby set at about 18 mths (I'm struggling to get M in now at 15 mths  ) - then it is like a wooden HC with no straps straight at the table. J couldn't sit in a normal chair either. But he can get down  .

Having him sit at the table with us really did help at one point though  .

Must admit I have no idea what to do with Meg though as I need to take the baby set off and I KNOW she will just climb onto the table. Yikes!!

[Lolly]

We have a cheaper version of that seat Liz - we have a Baby Dan one! The baby bar has 3 settings on ours and it has been on the second one since we started using it at 6 months, as she got longer it was easier to get her in and out! There's no way she would sit still if she could get up and down by her self so the bar is staying on! I caught her climbing up it the other day and trying to get in "I did it mummy, look!"

Laura

[*Liz*]

Baby bar is fixed on mine and if I lower the seat the bit between the legs doesn't fit  . I actually have a harness and side fasteners *somewhere* but can I find them??!!

But pure freedom is NOT appropriate for a real climber  !

Sorry Cath - I wandered OT  - glad your LO is eating better - maybe a GS and the previous was just a dip in appetite?? J seems to do this sort of thing.

[<Catherine>]

Ugh, dinner went straight onto the floor. The whole plate

He was really enjoying it too. Had had a fair few mouthfuls, but by no means enough. I hadn't given him much to eat this afternoon so he would have been hungry. And my Dad was with us so he wasn't bored at the table. But the whole plate just got 'scooped' onto the floor. The whole lot was ruined so that was the end of dinner.

He was straight out of the seat so I couldn't even just ignore him afterwards. Had to take him into the lounge and sit him in front of the tv so we could finish our meal. When we had finished I brought him back in and gave him yogurt and some raspberries so that he had at least eaten something.

Will move him into the booster seat tomorrow i think. If nothing else I at least think he will find it harder to get out of that so I can keep him sat with us for the rest of the meal. I think if he has to sit there whilst we finish it may help him to realise that he needs to eat his and doesn't just get to get down.

I tried to ask him why he does it and he wouldnt say a thing. Just grinned! Blooming monkey.

[clazzat]

I might not have huge words of wisdom, as I haven't had this particular problem, but my first thought is that if he is throwing the food then he has had enough and it is okay to take it away - it is not a punishment so much as a natural consequence: "you clearly don't want this so I will take it away". If you give him the rest of his dinner after that then you are not punishing him, ykwim?

Another thing - he won't wake from hunger at this age. They are much better than we give them credit for at regulating their own intake, and given that he has bedtime milk he will have enough to keep him going. I went through a big phase of no eating with dd1 and even on the days when she simply wouldn't eat anything for dinner (and sometimes lunch as well), she didn't wake up from hunger. One of our main saving graces was that she always had a really good breakfast, and we had some snacks during the day to make sure she could get through - perhaps if you are genuinely worried about what he is eating you could look at what he eats when he not at the table and see if he is making up a bit there instead.

I think that if you are consistent with the way you deal with it, and explain it to him every day, then he will get the message - and he won't necessarily stop throwing the food but you will know that he is doing it deliberately, yk?