How can I easily transition my toddler to her big girl bed before baby arrives?

[momtokennedyandhotdog]

Help

My 2.1year old DD has just moved into her new room and new bed.  We have a baby due in 7 weeks and I'm freaking out about the fact that she needs me to sleep with her.  Currently, we have a good bedtime routine which includes me reading in bed with her and laying with her until she is asleep.  I don't mind doing that, since it's really not long however when she was in her crib i used to read to her in my bed then move her into her crib and i would sit in a chair in her room, so perhaps I'll start doing that again.  The issue is that when she wakes up in the night I crawl back into bed with her and either move out when i wake back up or just stay with her until the morning...I can't really do this with a newborn though.  She only wants me as DH tried to go with her last night but she got out of bed and came down the hall crying for me.  She has a habit of needing to have her hand down my top to soothe herself!

She has never really been a great sleeper as we travel alot so there is constant change.  We end up just letting her come to bed with us or CIO for one night and she is fine again.  Can't really do that in a big girl bed though.

What steps should I take now to get her to sleep through the night and on her own? Should I move her crib into her new room for a while longer? ughhh so frustrated and confused.

Thanks. Sarah

[momtokennedyandhotdog]

Well, last night went a bit better.  I read to her (after the bath etc) in her bed then layed with her until she was sleepy but not asleep.  Then I got up and sat in the chair in the corner of the room.  Once she was asleep, I left. 

She woke up twice (11 and 3:30) and I intercepted her in the hallway, took her back to bed and layed with her for only 10-15 min then left. At 3:30 she whimpered a bit but went to sleep on her own. I know this is still not ideal but we're heading in the right direction at least with gentle removal.  I think tonight, I'll try to not get back in bed with her but rather sit next to her on the floor then move closer to the door each time....

Any other tips?

My post partum anxiety is creeping up to become prenatal anxiety BIG TIME!

Thanks

[<Catherine>]

Hi  Sorry you've not had any help.

CIO for one night and she is fine again.

Please do not allow her to CIO. BW does not support this, we aim to gently teach our LOs to sleep independantly. This wont be helping the SA she is experiencing at BT and during the night either.

I don't have a lot of experience with this type of situation, but I think using a method such as gradual withdrawal will help. You seem to be on the right track. There's some info here http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.msg696517#msg696517 , I think there is a better link but can't seem to find it right now, sorry 

I'd check out the above link and continue with gradually withdrawing yourself from the room, and see how you get on.

Good luck! 

[momtokennedyandhotdog]

Hi

Thank you for your post.  Yes, I hate doing CIO it's AWFUL and I really didn't do it often.  I worked with a pediatrician who told me that sometimes I need to. Regardless, we all felt better cosleeping so that's what we have done for about 80% of her life.  There were a few months there where she slept 7-7 but since we travel alot she is always disrupted...again, my fault so letting her CIO just didn't seem fair to me.

ANyway, I have a Spirited Angel baby and definately think the Gradual Withdrawl will work better than WI/WO.  I guess that is what I'm doing anyway and it feels right.  I enjoy those 10 minutes at night laying with her until she is asleep.  last night I sat in the chair before she went to sleep and she was fine...woke at 10 though with what I think was a night terror, uncontrollable crying but no tears and nothing I said or did would releave it until finally she just stopped and said she wanted to go to the bathroom so we got up, she pee'd (she has recently potty trained herself during the day but never has gotten up at night to want to go...I thought that was years away) and settled back to sleep again until 5 and she quietly walked out of her room and into mine, no tears nothing (new once again).  I then quietly took her back and layed with her but fell asleep until 7 when she woke me up with a kiss and a little song   So nice but the goal is to get out of the bed altogether!  I guess I need to try to sit in the chair a bit now after laying with her for a few minutes??....I'm just so tired (33 weeks pregnant). 

When do you think my husband should start going to her in the night?  After I've done it or do you think it matters?  I'm just so nervous that she's going to still be getting up in the night and not let anyone else go to her except me.  What if I go into labour in the night and she wakes up to have my friend there and not us??  That would be so sad and confusing for her! ughhh

Thanks for you support.

[<Catherine>]

what I think was a night terror,

Definitely sounds like it. This is one area I do have experience in as DS suffers badly with them (much better these days though thankfully). It is ALWAYS down to OT with him, always. Is she OT?

I'm just so tired (33 weeks pregnant).

I bet you are tired, but I think you will be even more tired if tackling this with a newborn taking every ounce of your energy too. You definitely need to get her sleeping independantly before your new LO comes along.

When do you think my husband should start going to her in the night?

As I said, I'm not experienced in SA or GW, but I would definitely say your DH needs to get involved. Whether you need to be there in the background to start with, or maybe the other way round - he is there in the background to begin with and gradually takes over with what you are doing. Does that make sense? For your own sake as much as hers, you need to get her to a point where she will respond to others as well as you - you are going to have another LO taking your attention very soon, you can't be in 2 places as once.

It seems to me as though you are definitely on the right track, keep at it, make sure you are doing things as it is suggested in the posts on this forum, and monitor the effect. Keep me posted and I will help where I can. If you need further advice we can get some other eyes in here, or maybe get a new thread posted on the relevant board depending on the issue at the time.

Hope you have another good night

[momtokennedyandhotdog]

Hi

It hasn't really been going very well.  I still haven't been able to bring myself to sit on the floor, however, I am planning on trying tonight.  My husband is going to put her to bed (very rare) as I am going to go out and then I think I'll bring a mattress on her floor and try that rather than in her bed.

I'm not sure she is overtired, some say that perhaps I need to cap her nap at an hour...sometimes she naps for almost 3 hours.  I try to make sure she is up by 3 as she goes to sleep at 8/8:15.  She's in daycare all day so I've asked her daycare provider to wake her up after 1 hour today and we'll see how it goes this week, although if I'm trying something new at night too it may be hard to tell which is actually helping! ughhh, oh the stress!

On another note, I see you are from Wales.  My husband is Welsh, Cymru Cymraeg from West Wales (Lampeter) and speaks only Welsh to my daughter.  She is only 2 but has been to Wales 4 times!!

Thanks for your help.

Sarah

[<Catherine>]

Sorry it's not gone so well. Keep at it, and stay strong.

as she goes to sleep at 8/8:15

What is her routine at the moment?

speaks only Welsh to my daughter.

Wow! Does she understand him? I'm not actually Welsh, I've lived in South (East) Wales for nearly 5 years, originally from England (near Bristol). We moved here because of my DH's job (which moved back to Bristol 6 months later!  ). We like it here though. I've just registered my son with the local primary to start pre-school there next Sept, he'll be learning Welsh but wont be able to get a lot of help from us!

[momtokennedyandhotdog]

Hi

So the last two nights have been better.  Last night, she woke up at 11 and was sleep talking about wanting to wash her hands!  I just said, I'm leaving the room in 2 minutes Kennedy.   It's sleepy time now..then she started to snore.

She didn't wake again until 6:15am!!!  I then went in with her since she had a late night and i didn't mind so much needing go in there once it was morning. 

She goes to daycare so she naps around 12 and I have asked them to wake her up after an hour.  They say it is quite hard too sometimes though.

She wakes up anywhere from 6-7:00am and is asleep by 8:15 at the latest most nights after milk, bath, books.

Yes, she totally understands him and his parents.  She answers in English though except for the few words she only says in Welsh (butterfly (pilli palla), more (moy), work (gwyth), red (Koch) then she uses those ones.

It's funny, because I know some things in Welsh but sometimes when I can't figure out what she's saying I oftern wonder if it is a Welsh word! hahaha  I'm going to come over in the summer and take a Welsh intensive course.  Good for you for getting your son into a Welsh speaking preschool.  you won't need to know any; he'll just know to speak English to you.

I'm going to keep going with the sleep plan and hope she sticks to it also!

Sarah

[BeanBoo]

Hi there. I've read your comments and just wanted to add two things that may help you.

It seems that you yourself are feeling really anxious about distancing yourself from your DD at bed time. In my experience, if you are feeling any doubt in yourself, they pick up on that too. Perhaps come up with a specific plan for 3 nights and feel really confident that no matter what you are going to do it. For 3 days nothing will kill her and just see if your confidence helps the situation. There is a brilliant book about gradual removal called the 'No cry sleep solution' It takes you through how to enable your child to self settle without CIO.

The other thing is that my DD also has a long nap in the day. I've cut it down at times but it makes no difference and I think that some need to sleep more than others. In general 2 year olds should have about 13-14 hours sleep in total over a 24 period. If your DD isn't going to bed until 8.15 and getting up between 6-7 then she's only having 10-11 hours at night so it makes sense that she is needing a good couple of hours at nap time. Bed time is much more clingy when they are tired so I might say not to try to limit her nap times while you're trying to remove yourself from her at bedtime.

Oh, and another thing. You said that

She didn't wake again until 6:15am!!!  I then went in with her since she had a late night and i didn't mind so much needing go in there once it was morning.

. I would be consistent with her. Just because there are times when you are happy to go and lay with her might end up confusing her. There need to be clear rules for her to understand the new way of sleeping and she is probably too young to understand that sometimes it is acceptable to ask Mummy to lay with her and other times it isn't. I think if you want a real break through you need not to lay with her - fine to cuddle in a different setting and if reading a book but probably not to sleep in any way.

Good luck with this and with the new baby.

[<Catherine>]

That's great progress, hope it continues

I do still wonder if she's a bit OT, even if capping the nap is helping, an earlier bedtime may be worth trying too. It tends to help with my son.

[momtokennedyandhotdog]

thank you Clouds Mom for your input.  Yes, I definately agree with you.  It is totally my anxiety that she can sense.  We are very connected.  If I wake up in the night and start thinking about her, she will instantly wake up...it's the weirdest thing!  I have to will myself to not think about her.

Last night she got up at 10:30 and wanted to go to the bathroom but had already gone in her diaper and I think because it wasn't a night time one she didn't like the feeling (she's potty trained during the day) of being wet.  She then woke up at 1:30am for a few minutes (I fell asleep with her until 3 though! it's so frustrating being so tired that I just fall asleep.) and then slept until 7:30am!

I'm going to tell the daycare lady to let her sleep until she wakes up on her own.  I do think she needs it but I'll ask that she is up by 3pm at the latest.

I don't have to work tomorrow so I'm going to not get in bed with her even for a minute in the night.

Thanks.