Dinner time drama

[Ambinsi]

My 17 month old is really giving us a run for our money these days with food....she's very particular about what she'll eat, and that's putting it mildly. She LOVES dairy and fruit, eggs are no problem, she loves her carbs, she'll eat chicken sometimes - I guess it depends on her mood and how its prepared. Other meats are very difficult and vegetables give me anxiety at this point. I can get them in her if they are disguised in the food, but even that is hit or miss.

Anyway, her best meal is usually breakfast (after her morning bottle which she still has, not sure if she should at this point), lunch is trickier and dinner has become nearly impossible. I'm trying to offer her whatever we're eating but she's refusing to eat a lot of things offered to her and throwing tantrums in her high chair - throwing food over the side and dropping her cup on the floor, etc. What drives me mad most of all is that she's barely eating what's being offered. Because I want her to eat something, I end up offering something else, something I know she'll eat, like fruit, etc.

I guess my questions are:
Is it time to move her out of the high chair?? She seems miserable in it, but only at dinner time. Breakfast and lunch are not really a problem with the chair.

Should I be bending over backwards to accommodate her in terms of what's offered? I don't want to be making her separate meals all the time, it would be so much easier for me if she ate what we ate, but perhaps this is in unrealistic at such a young age?

What do you suggest? And what do you do for your difficult eaters?? I'm starting to dread dinner time. 

[toffer]

I will be reading along...I was going to post the same thing except mine is just under 14 months.

[Shiv52]

Should I be bending over backwards to accommodate her in terms of what's offered? I don't want to be making her separate meals all the time, it would be so much easier for me if she ate what we ate, but perhaps this is in unrealistic at such a young age?

I'd say absolutely not. 

LOs learn quickly that food and eating is something they have control over.  My 11 month old eats what we eat and my DD1 definately did from at least 14 months so its not unrealistic at all. 

I've done alot of work with picky eaters and really the best guidelines are provide a variety of healthy foods at mealtimes and no alternatives.  Do not let them learn that mummy will scramble round the kitchen getting something else if I refuse to eat dinner.  Make sure they aren't filling up on drinks is another one.  Limit 'treat' food to a bare minimum. 

Best thing you can do is just keep providing her with foods, even just a few bites at a time so she can't chuck the lot away and offer more as she eats.  Provide a mix of things including something you know she will eat so at least you know she'll have eaten something but at this age wakening from hunger is generally never an issue. 

There is a big appetite drop after 1YO and I also remember reading that toddlers often consume most of their calories before 3pm.  That always made me feel better about dinner and I treated that more as a chance for her to try some of our foods and sit with us at dinner.  I always had fruit/yogurt/bread/cheese at that age as well as her meal so she was happy to sit and eat something.  Its important to look at what they eat over the course of a day and week and not concentrate on individual meals. 

I'm not sure about the high chair thing.   Am sure M was in her highchair for ages as she'd have been up and down like a yoyo if not.  Its something you could try and if its not working out then you'll know. 

Does your LO like dips?  We had good success with veg and meats if they could be dipped into something?

{{{hugs}}} 

[Texomamama]

I echo what Shiv says above.  She discourages you from making a separate meal for your LO, while at the same time, suggested you do always have a few things on her plate that she will eat so as to not set yourself up for failure.  This way, things start out more smoothly, and your LO does not see the cause and effect relationship between refusing to eat, and watching you jump up to accomodate her needs, therby eliminating some of the manipulation involved. Also remember, that like Shiv says,  toddlers consume most of their calories before 3 pm; looking at what she eats over a week's time, not a day's etc. That's all good advise.

I would say if you are doing well at breakfast and lunch, you don't need to worry so much about dinner.....2 out of 3 is pretty good after all

[Ambinsi]

Thanks for your replies....yes, common sense tells me we're not quite doing things the best way around here but its been so crazy as I also have a one month old and its been a little chaotic. I'm also so tired that I've been tending to take the easy way out (ie, offer something I know she'll eat when she refuses dinner, etc.)

Some comments and additional questions:
I agree that she'll never sit on a dining room chair, plus she's still way too small, so I was thinking of a booster seat so she can really sit at the table with us. She might be just as desperate to get out of that also, but we won't know until we try. As I write this she's eating breakfast in her high chair, happy as a clam. But I know that by the end of the day she just wants no part of it. Booster seat time??

So you're saying that I should offer multiple things in same meal? Some new and some I know she likes?? I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding, just want to make sure I get this right. For example, tonight DH and I were going to have chili and rice. Of course I want to offer this to her because you never know, right?? Every now and then she does surprise me so I don't want to assume she won't eat it, but I also want to be realistic. So I'll offer her some of the chili and rice, and then what? Offer some stuff she likes along side it? I feel like she'll eat that and ignore the new food. And if I wait to see if she eats her chili, and she doesn't, I'm back at square one. So what should I do here?

Yes, breakfast and lunch are not horrific but I have it in my head that she should be eating 3 meals a day, maybe not???

I also think part of our problem is this:
She has a snack before her nap, which is usually at noon, and then something additional to eat, a light lunch, after. We tried lunch before the nap, it was too early, and after the nap was too late...so this is what we're doing right now. She usually eats upon waking anywhere from 1:30 - 2:30 and by the time 4:30 or 5 rolls around she'll cranky. DH and I assumed she was hungry as she was motioning towards the kitchen or fridge or pantry (she knows where the food is!) so we'd give her a snack to hold her off before dinner. I'm sure this is interfering with her appetite....by the time dinner is in front of her she's had snacks to hold her off and is probably not hungry/interested in what's in front of her. I've tried to move dinner earlier but that doesn't seem to work either....So we need to avoid snack before dinner, I guess while I'm making dinner DH will have to distract her in other ways?? WDYT?

Thanks for all your help!

[Texomamama]

A couple of thoughts:

First off, if you have a one month old and are still making and eating dinner as a family- what you are doing is certainly not "taking the easy way out", IMO.  You are to be commended.  Give yourself a break.

Yes, I personally think offering her a few choices, including something you know she will eat is a good idea.  Maybe you can include just a little bit, as a teaser, alongside something new.  I understand your concern that if she does not immediately eat what you are serving the rest of the family, that giving her what she wants seems to be throwing in the towel.  I guess finding a middle ground is what I would suggest.

As far as her getting snacks, sometimes kids do better with 4-5 small meals a day, as opposed to 3 square meals.  If that is what works, then by all means, do it.  If, however, she is eating 3 meals a day plus snacks, then it is very possible that the snacks are interferring with the meals. 

Lastly, with regards to the highchair, I think maybe we moved DD1 to a booster around 18-20 months.  It doesn't hurt to get one and try, after all, it is something you are going to need to buy soon anyway.  But, if she is happily eating breakfast and lunch in a highchair, then I am inclined to think the issues at dinner are more from boredom or being full from a pm snack.

Good luck!

[Shiv52]

First off, if you have a one month old and are still making and eating dinner as a family- what you are doing is certainly not "taking the easy way out", IMO.  You are to be commended.  Give yourself a break.

^^^This.  You're doing great hun xx

So you're saying that I should offer multiple things in same meal? Some new and some I know she likes?? I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding, just want to make sure I get this right. For example, tonight DH and I were going to have chili and rice. Of course I want to offer this to her because you never know, right?? Every now and then she does surprise me so I don't want to assume she won't eat it, but I also want to be realistic.

So when I do chilli I offer my DDs chilli and rice separately and then they have the option to mix it or not.  I usually do a side of garlic bread, grated cheese and do a veg for them so that means there is essentially 5 things they could eat.  I could be guaranteed they'll eat the garlic bread, cheese and veg and most likely the chilli but maybe not the rice.   So do offer somethings that she will eat but not enough of it that she'll fill up and not think about trying the other things.  She may ask for more of a particular food and you can work upto saying 'no more until you try x' but shes a bit young for that.

So we need to avoid snack before dinner, I guess while I'm making dinner DH will have to distract her in other ways?? WDYT?

I had to start doing this and it really helped what she'd eat at dinner.  You could try giving a bit more at lunch or maybe try a box of raisins or something small about 3.30/4 to tide her over to dinner.

I think the highchair isn't really the issue.   I think if her appetite is better for dinner you'll have less bother.  We have a booster and she can still be strapped in so maybe you're DD would like being at the table?  But for my sanity I needed my DD1 to not beable to get up and down!

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Ambinsi]

Well....turns out I never made dinner last night after all. I forgot I had a doc appt in the evening and it just didn't happen. Tonight is my MILs bday so again we'll be slightly off our routine. I'm hoping to get back to business tomorrow night and I'll definitely let you know how it goes. We're going to try the chili and rice, which I will offer my DD. So just to make sure (sorry if these seems like its not sinking in with me lol) I will put chili/rice on her try, plus a food I know she likes at the same time?? I just can't help feeling like she'll eat the usual fave and ignore the new food, especially since she's so picky with meat!!

And thanks for your kind words, it means a lot. I felt bad when I didn't get to make dinner last night and reading your comments helped me put it all in perspective. I have a newborn! I need to give myself a break, right?

[Shiv52]

And thanks for your kind words, it means a lot. I felt bad when I didn't get to make dinner last night and reading your comments helped me put it all in perspective. I have a newborn! I need to give myself a break, right?

Don't feel bad.  You have a newborn.  I wasn't back to making consistent dinners for ages after having number 2.

With the chilli, I'd offer it and maybe some bread or whatever.   Just something small and don't put too much pressure on yourself.  I do think though if you cut that PM snack you should have more success with dinner.  I also didn't mix the rice and chilli so if she didnt' want the chilli at least she'd eat the rice. KWIM?

[Texomamama]

Well, my hubby gets on these kicks where, for several months, he wants a small dinner.  So, right now, he is into eating big lunches out and just something small for dinner.  So I only have to cook (and more importantly, clean) about 3 times a week.  You think I am going to complain about that, no way

I am sure things will go well for you.  I can only imagine how messy chili can be with a 17 mo....

[Ambinsi]

Well, I did end up doing the chili and rice last night...taking your advice, I offered chili and rice on the same tray but separately. I then offered some shredded cheese since she tends to motion towards whatever WE have on the table. I also offered some cucumber sticks (one of the few veggies I can get her to eat and she usually loves them!). She would up picking at everything, and mostly eating the cucumber, cheese, a little of the meat but not really much at all, and a little tiny bit of rice (it was white rice and kind of bland honestly). Then she was motioning toward the sour cream on the table...my MIL was like, she wants that. I kind of blew it off but wound up putting a dab on her tray and she loved it. So....she also wound up having a nice amount of sour cream (I was able to mix in a little rice). Sigh......the saga continues. Sour cream and cucumber. Is this a normal dinner, I ask you???

[Shiv52]

That sounds fairly normal to me!  She wil start to eat more but that was a great start given she tried everything!!

We just had chicken pie, roast potato and carrot.  I'd say DD2 ate about 10 bites of pie, mainly the chicken.  Half a roastie and about 5 carrots.  The rest got fed to me or chucked.  She then had a yogurt and taht was that!

[Ambinsi]

I'm probably stressing more than I should, I guess the high chair tantrums were really upsetting me. Plus the picky eating, plus the lack of sleep on my end....ugh. I hope it gets better, will definitely be checking in. Thanks again!