refusing to eat

[toffer]

My LO is almost 14 months and has 2 new teeth coming in and has started refusing to eat. It has been coming for a while though...I offer finger food for 10 min or so at start of meal then spoon puree after that. He is not keen to be spoon fed so I distract him with things like his own spoon to hold or cheerios to munch and as long as he is distracted it worked. However he will now not take spoon and as soon as I offer he slaps it and throws finger food on floor. He says no and shakes his head at me. He was eating tons before and a good variety but now meals are terrible, stressful and long with little food being eaten. I decided yesterday that I will honor when he says no and stop feeding, even if he is still hungry and offer finger foods for longer with different variety of stuff. This does mean he will go hungry even though he said no to food. Does this sound like a good idea? I am sick of "tricking" and the frustration. My husband thinks we should hold his face and stuff it in him anyways  which I won't do, though it is somewhat tempting....
He is nursing 3 times a day also. Should I stop the middle of the day nurse? or wait to see if it is all because of teeth and passes on it's own? If it is teeth I would rather know he is getting that milk at least...
So FRUSTERATING!!!
Yesterday my mom fed him and he ate every drop while she made choo choo noises with spoon and he loved it. Of course he looks at me with scorn when I tried it....

[Colin Macs Mom]

It's totally normal for a LO's appetite to drop off after 1 YO. They aren't growing as fast and just don't necessarily need it like they used to. Your LO is not going to starve himself and will eat when he needs to. It's really not worth stressing much over.

My husband thinks we should hold his face and stuff it in him anyways

I really have to say    That is absolutely not what you want to be doing.

[Sam-n-Max's Mommy]

Hi toffer,

BTDT and I will tell you it passes.  My DS is almost 18 months and we went through a rather lengthy period of these mealtime difficulties.  Teething makes it absolutely worse.  Things have gotten better and part of me wonders had I relaxed a little bit more earlier if it would have passed sooner .  My best advice is to try not to stress -- even if you don't force the issue with him, he may be able to sense your frustration.  It is hard to "fake" not being frustrated, so what will probably happen in due time is that you really won't be frustrated anymore, and will naturally relax about it and he'll start eating.  The biggest thing I have learned and what has helped me let go is that they will eat when they are hungry.  I used to resist that idea, but once I got comfortable with it, things changed.  Don't get me wrong, my DS still doesn't have a very varied palette, but he will at least try new things once in awhile and isn't constantly throwing things on the floor.

I decided yesterday that I will honor when he says no and stop feeding, even if he is still hungry

This is the best you can do right now.  He will eat when he is hungry. 

Another thing I've noticed (and I believe this goes along with the "no pressure" theory) is that if I offer something to DS (like a snack) while we are out, he is more likely to eat it whereas he might not have tried it in his high chair.  So, I've made vegetable muffins, baked corn fritters, etc and have often had success getting him to try things like that there and then eventually incorporating them into meals.  Or, if you don't have a no food anywhere other than the table rule, try putting a snack out while he is playing and see if he'll try something new that way.  Once he starts to eat it and like it, he'll probably eat it in his highchair at mealtime.  Nonetheless, there are some days or weeks where they just throw and the best you can do is not react and not stress about it.

I KNOW how you feel.  It is such a frustrating phase. (((Hugs)))

(Sorry if this is a bit rambling, I'm doing a few things at once LOL)

[*jazzberry*]

I absolutely agree - forcing him to eat is NOT the way to be going. DS1's appetite dropped off at about that age, and tbh he still doesn't eat much to this day and his tastes are fairly limited. DS2 was a different story - I never paid much attention to how much he ate, I was so much more relaxed with him, and to this day he is a great eater. Coincidence? I have no idea, but I'd try to be as relaxed as possible (and I know it isn't easy!), remove the food when he decides he's finished and don't worry about it - no baby/toddler/child will starve themselves, I promise!

[Lemonthyme]

Can I ask why you're still giving purees?  They don't need purees at this age.  Have you tried giving things like pasta which can be both finger food and spooned if that's what he wants?

I'd just ride out the teeth though, if that's a factor, it does pass.  No need to make mealtimes stressful in the meantime.

[toffer]

I feed him as much finger food as he wants then feed puree after if he doesn't eat much FF. So, I am basically making 2 meals then throwing away part of each. He started out not eating much FF now it is more FF and not much puree so I am making less puree now and will reduce as FF increases. He has been eating much better yesterday and today again.

[*Kara*]

I would stop with the purees and drop a BF - he could be too full of milk to eat.

[Truly Blessed]

Hey Hon,

Just chipping in with been there done that and still doing it  . DS is 20 months and we are at the 4th phase of the same thing. I have stressed myself to the hilt over this problem. I have been a conveyor belt of offerings and picked up more food of the floor than the average family dog  . I have also researched fully and have found that the following is the best way:

Offer things that you know he likes. He is becoming more independant and it's perfectly natural for him to want to do it all himself now. Along with his favourites offer new things, incuding vegetables at every meal (even the ones you hate  ) When/If he's finished the things he likes try and avoid giving him more in order to give him the best chance of trying another thing. DS has just eaten broccoli this week at roughly the 13th offering  . If it goes on the floor don't immediately pick it up and give it back, it just adds fuel to the fire, but when you get him down from the chair encourage him to help you pick it up with you, even if he just does a little bit, it helps him to understand the consequences of mess making. Buy him some new exciting plates and cutlery, this worked for us, DS loves his spoon with the penguin on it  .  Nutritionalist and paediatricians say 'It's not our job to make children eat, just to present them with a variety of good and healthy food' Also as PP said bear in mind there are spells of growth when LO's will eat more. We have just been through 5 weeks of what you're suffering and just yesterday DS started to eat like a horse  I suspect a growing spell.  Never ever force feed (sorry I know that's DH idea) it will enforce all kinds of future anxiety and problems. It sounds like DS is picking up on the stressfull atmosphere in your house Hon with you saying he ate at Nana's, maybe he felt more relaxed  Sometimes if you box clever and put his food on a plate for you and sit next to him he will want it because it's yours (in times of desperation on your part LOL) Don't make mealtimes too long, generally if he hasn't eaten it in 20 minutes it aint gonna happen. Try and cut down on filling snacks if he has 3 set meal times but if he doesn't eat much at lunch time (this is common) then allow him to graze in the middle of the day, that's one less stressfull mealtime for you. Oh and one more thing, when you give him his food leave him to it. I have found being spectated is the number one way to make DS eat zilch!!! Of course if you're all at the family table eating together that doesn't apply.

Hope some of this helps Hon. Chin up.x.