Feel like a FAILURE - please help me I do not want to let DD CIO - 9 months old

[- butterfly -]

I am so at the end of my tether - we have been following BW since DD was 4 months old.  She has never really STTN but just recently it's worse than ever.  She is waking up almost every hour and she cannot self settle - she stands up in her cot and waits for me to go in to lie her down.  Sometimes she settles straight away but other times she doesn't and I cannot leave the room until she is asleep and even then she is waking within a few minutes of being getting back in bed.

the nw start anywhere from midnight to 1am and then every hourish until we get up at 7am - I AM COMPLETELY AND UTTERLEY SHATTERED.  She naps well and self settles in the daytime and BT.  I really don't know what else to do.

I have tried so many different things to help her sttn or at least more than 4 hours at a time.  I've even slept on a mattress on her floor but this made very little difference.  The most settled she is is when she's in my bed but I'm so against this.

someone please please help me as I really am ready to give up on BW as it is making me feel like a failure.

E 7am
A til10.30
S 10.30 til 11.30

E 11.30
A til 2pm
S 2 til 3pm

E 3.30 (bottle) dinner at 5pm
A 4 til 5 play. 5pm dinner. 6 til 7 - quiet play, bath, bottle, story
S 7pm

Thank you in advance

[Shiv52]

{{{hugs}}}}

It is very tough.  I think your LO is OT and i think there could also be a prop issue at play.

2 hours day sleep at 9 months is on the shorter end.  Generally LOs would be doing 2x 1.5 hours and if they've hit the 2-1 switch then one 1 hour nap and one longer nap of at least 1.5 hours.  Has your LO ever done naps longer than one hour?

What A time is she managing?  From your EASY it is 3.5 then 2.5 then 4 hours so you probably need to even those out to get a longer nap at one of your nap times.    My LO always preferred her longer nap in the morning but it depends on the LO. 

This is also the prime age for separation anxiety so there could be a bit of that going on too.   Is she clingy during the day too?

How many oz of milk is she getting in a day?

Any thing going on? Reflux, teeth, hitting any milestones? DOes she use a dummy?  Does she settle independently for naps and bedtime? 

Can your LO lie back down when she stands up in the cot?  If so I think you would be best not lying her down.  just pat the mattress and say your sleepy phrase and let her lie herself back down so that she can start realising she can do that herself. 

It WILL get better.   we'll have a think and see how we can help xx

[- butterfly -]

Thank you for your reply.

She has never napped for longer than 1 hour each but she does sleep independently for these.  A time is around 3.5 for each naps (typo on original post)

She is a bit clingy when left in a room on her own but other than that she is happy to be with other people (not just mummy).  She has about 16oz of formula a day and 3 meals and snacks also.

Milestones are 5 new teeth in the last couple of weeks.  Starting to cruise (hence standing up in cot).

I do understand that these periods will end but I've not had a full night sleep for over 9 months now and at the moment she is not sleeping any longer than 4 hours straight after midnight.

with regards to her standing in the cot - she can sit back down herself but she hasn't learnt how to go from sitting to lying yet - maybe this is something we need to practice.

Thank you again so much for your help

[Shiv52]

{{{{hugs lovely}}}}

I totally get it.  My nearly 1 YO is a RUBBISH sleeper and has only started doing 4 hour stretches recently.  I was so sleep deprived at 9 months that i could hardly focus.   Thankfully it has been getting better or I was threatening to put her in the bin! 

She has about 16oz of formula a day and 3 meals and snacks also.

I wonder is this the issue?  DO you think she is hungry?  LOs generally take 30 0z of milk at 6 months and it goes down to 24 oz when they are on 3 meals.   20oz a little bit after that.  I would say at 9 months a lot of people may have dropped one milk feed but would still be taking 3 good milk feeds a day (so 20oz at the least, probably more).   The continued waking could be hunger? 

[- butterfly -]

She has never been a big drinker of milk.

She has 8oz at breakfast.  mid morning bottle refused.  mid afternoon is between 2 and 3 oz and then 4 or 5 oz at BT.

It is a possibility that she is hungry but we dropped the DF at about 7 months as she was only taking a couple of oz. 

[Shiv52]

What quantity of solids does she eat? Would that be taking away from milk intake?  The issue can be that milk contains lots more calories per oz than solids at this stage and so even if they are eating lots of solids it wouldn't be the same calorie content as they would getting from the milk. 

[Lolly]

I agree with Shiv that it could be she's not getting quite enough milk calories. You could cut out the snacks in favour of milk too, I have two refluxers who were on the lower end of milk intake and they have never been able to have much in the way of snacks or they just don't eat their meals

You could try giving her milk before her nap rather than after it, give dinner a little earlier if you can and she should be a bit hungrier for her bedtime milk and take a bit more. If she has a decent bottle before her nap it may help her to sleep a bit longer too, milk before sleep seems to be ok at this age just watch you don't actually feed to sleep.

If you aren't using the fastest flow teats that would be worth changing too.

What do you think?

Laura

[- butterfly -]

I moved DD onto solids when she was 5 months because her milk intake fell to 20oz.  For her still to be having 16oz alongside 3 meals and snacks is actually really good for her.

I have tried reducing solids but her milk intake does not increase.  She is on the fastest teats.  She just never been a big fan of milk even when she was breastfeeding she fussed alot.

I was sooo tired last night that I APOP and brought her into bed with me but even this didn't work - she continually kicked and fidgetted all night.  The only time she really slept was when I wrapped both arms around her to 'swaddle' her and then she slept!!!

Anyway after that I'm not brining her into bed with me again as it made no difference to the amount of sleep.

I'm just completely lost now . . . . .

[Lolly]

Does she show any signs of reflux at all? http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=654.0 I do tend to see reflux everywhere from experience but fussy feeding, low milk intake and sleeping issues can be indicators that there are digestive issues.

Have a look at the link and see if anything rings a bell.

Laura

[- butterfly -]

Hi Laura

Thanks for the link - I really don't think it's reflux.  Thanks so much for trying to help me and my baby.

She seemed to be really struggling with her teeth today so maybe there are some big ones coming through at the back.

How am I meant to get through this?

[Lolly]

Are you medicating for the teeth? I always found that ibuprofen at bedtime and then a dream med of calpol helped when things were at their worst.

{{HUGS}} though. You will get through it, finding the right routine will help but it's not an easy thing to do unfortunately.

Laura

[- butterfly -]

yes have been medicating.  did give a dream med also and then more meds when she woke in middle of night.

I've been reading through some other pages also - looking for inspiration!!!

Her naps are only 1 hour each so she is having 2 hours total sleep per day.  Do you think this needs extending? if so how do I do it?

Thanks for the hugs! :-)

[Lolly]

Yes, I think you need to extend the naps. Babies sleep in cycles of 45 mins so anything less than 2 cycles, about 1.5 hours really isn't a restorative nap. The better they sleep in the day (at this age 2 naps of about 1.5 hours) the better they sleep at night. If the get over tired during the day is has an impact on night sleep.

I have always used shh/pat with my two and a bit of PU/PD (more PD at 9 months). Are you familiar with these methods? If not, here are some links which will explain them, the shh/pat is for younger babies but will give you an idea.

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.0

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=208990.0

This should be useful too http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=85498.0

When you put her for a nap, I would be hovering near her room around the 45 min mark and see if you can get in and gently shh/pat her in the cot just as she is starting to stir. The aim is to help her from one sleep cycle to the next before she wakes too fully. I wonder if you would get better results if you shorten that first A time a bit too, she isn't sleeping well at night so she could be getting a bit OT before her first nap. Average A time for 9 months is about 3.5 hours, but if she isn't rested she needs a shorter A time. Have a look here for examples of routines http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164253.0

What do you think?

Laura

[- butterfly -]

Thank you.  I have nothing on for the next 2 days so I shall look at extending those naps.

She is currently crying and has only been in bed since 7.15pm so am I right in thinking this is OT??

[Lolly]

Generally speaking nightwakings in the early part of the night do mean OT - with my two it definitly does along with early wake ups and restless nights . They don't warn you about this stuff do they

Have a look at those routines I posted and start tomorrow really watching her cues and the time and see if you can get her down for a nap before she gets OT and extend the nap to hopefully 1.5 hours. Remember too that the A time is awake time, not just activity so it's all the time from eyes open to eyes shut. If she has a restless night she will probably need her first nap about 3 hours after she wakes up, maybe even a bit earlier.

Does she have any props like a dummy/ paci by the way? Has she got a lovie that she sleeps with?

Laura