Feel like a FAILURE - please help me I do not want to let DD CIO - 9 months old

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Hi laura

Thank you so much - I'm feeling more in control now and less likely to leave her to CIO.

We had a really really rough night - waking every hour or less.  Apart from we had a 2 hour stretch from 1.30 til 3.30am.  She does have a lovie and she likes to suck it's ears!!

Everytime I went into her room she was stood up so I just lie her down and give her the lovie she is fine until I attempt to leave the room and then she starts complaining.  Unless it's a scream I have decided to continue to leave the room in the hope that she will self settle likes she does when she first gets put down for her naps and BT.  But I think she must be spirited cos the complaining generally turns into SCREAMS!!!

This morning so far

E 7.30am
A breakfast, playing and shopping
S 10.10am

I have sent my timer to go up at 45mins and try and extend this nap to 1.5 instead of the 1 hour we normally get.

I need to be strong, I know I do, sometimes I get so annoyed though :-(  I'm taking deep breathes to prepare for the continual PD I'm gonna get in a few minutes!!!!!

Wish me luck!

[Lolly]

Good luck!

If you can get to her before she wakes you should be able to put your hands on her with a bit of gentle pressure and a lot of shhh to try and keep her asleep.

{{HUGS}} for the difficult night. We had a lot of nights like that when DS was at his worst with reflux, it is hard work. My DH was better with him at night, but we both spent a lot of time lying on his floor because it was easier in the end than going in and out.

Let us know how the nap goes, remember if she doesn't sleep a full 1.5 hours you will need to kepp the next A time a bit shorter and try again. It may take a good few days to get better habits so don't dispair!

Laura

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I'm sorry I've had to walk away as I was getting really upset.

She woke as soon as I put my hand on her - I tried patting and shushing but she kept standing up.  I spent the next 10 minutes lying her down but she thought I was playing.  I then had to change her bum as she had done a poo.

So then back to her cot for more games of putting down.  She thinks it's funny but I'm so bloody tired that I am getting more and more wound up cos I don't know how many more nights of no sleep I can do.

I feel like I'm such a bad mum cos I just shouted at her go to sleep which of course has made her cry and now I've walked away cos I am crying too.

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So after 10 mins of calming down I went up and gently put her down and patted her and told her it was still sleep time and I think she is finally going back off.

This whole extending nap has taken half an hour so surely this is now classed as nap number 2 rather than extending number 1.

[Lolly]

Half an hour to resettle isn't bad at all - that's actually good for starting! It's still the same nap as she hasn't had enough A time to be classed as A time and she has gone back to sleep - that's great, well done!

If she is standing up try not to lie her down but get her to lie down herself, pat the mattress, use your voice - chose a set phrase and repeat it over and over so she is getting the message but you aren't engaging with her, so something like "lie down now, it's just time for sleep". If she isn't crying or upset you can leave her to it, she may resettle herself. Listen out for her and only go to her to help her settle if you can hear an "I need you cry".

Was she actually stirring when you put your hand on her? How long had she been asleep at that point?

How much family support do you have - can anyone have her for a night so you can catch up on some sleep?

Laura

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Thank you so much Laura

She had been asleep 45 mins when I went in - she was asleep but as soon as I placed my hand on her - ding went her eyes - I then tried patting and shushing but she just kept rolling over to get up.  She wasn't crying or upset so in hindsight you are right I should have just left her to it but I didn't want her to think I'd just abandoned her.  Although cos we played the put me down game and I got angry I ended up abandoning her anyway . . . .  this is soooo hard.  I never thought I would still have so many sleepless nights at 9 months as we have been doing EASY since she was 3 months old!!!

Not enough family support to have her overnight.  I am just going to have to go to bed early to try and grab at least a couple of hours undisturbed before she starts her waking up.

She wasn't crying or upset

Oh I tried to give her a bottle last night but she wasn't interested in it.  I cannot get her to have anymore milk than she already has although I have made up a bottle to give to her before her next nap.

I am really unsure how to combat this OT. To get 2 naps of 1.5 hours each day it will mean reducing her A time down to 3 hours and I had just increased it to 3.5.

(hugs) to you because I really appreciate your help.

[Lolly]

The thing is, for the moment to get her out of the OT you need to cut her A time, so 3 hours shouldn't be a problem if it gets you better naps and nights. Once you are getting better nights she will be better rested so you can increase her A time again.

See how the next nap goes, only go in if to her if you see her actually start waking up before 1.5 hours (although this may be too late now )

How long did she sleep for altogether this morning with the 2 part nap?

Laura

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Thanks Laura

She did 45 mins first part and 1 hour 2nd part. so she woke at 12.30pm

I have given her a bottle and put her down for 2nd nap of day at 3pm but she is currently still protesting - but seems to be made worse when I'm there so I've come away for a break again.  I can get her to sit down in her cot but not lie down so I am having to physically lie her down when I go into her.

If she doesn't go sleep until 3.30 which is 5 mins away!! so I'm wishful thinking I think!! and she sleeps for 1.5 hours then it will be 5pm when she wakes - what would be a good BT in this case?

xx

[Lolly]

As it's late in the day now, if she wakes after 45-60 mins I wouldn't try to extend the nap, but I would get her to bed for about 6.30 at the latest. She would still have had more sleep than she normally has so it should help.

If she does go to sleep later than 3.30 maybe don't let her sleep longer than 1 hour and make bedtime her normal time or even 30 mins later depending on what time she has the nap.

I would also give pain meds at bedtime tonight to see if it is teeth waking her through the night.

Laura

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I do give meds every night since teething is really bad.

Ok so I went into her because I could hear a banging and her whimpering.  She was sat in her cot with her lovie in her mouth - when I lay her down she went straight off to sleep.  So I think in the night when she wakes up and stands up, she can sit down ok but she then doesn't know how to lay down!!! How on earth am I going to teach that!!

I have a feeling she will wake at 1 hour which will make it 4.30pm but as I gave her the bottle before sleep I can give her dinner at 5pm and then look at BT at 6.30pm tonight. 

Does that sound like a plan?
How do I get her to learn to lay down?

Thanks :-)

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I spoke to soon - she has woken after 30 mins - I'm gonna try and put he back down for 30.

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no good - she is up.  So BT is going to be 6.30pm at the latest.

Still not sure how I'm gonna teach her to lay down. :-(

[Lolly]

You can spend some of her A time with her in her cot helping her to lie down. Maybe sit her in the middle and put things behind her just a bit out of reach so she has to turn and reach and may lie down accidentally and realise she can do it. Not sure if that makes sense!

Hopefully she's asleep by now! Did she eat well and have a good bedtime bottle?

Laura

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Hi Laura

Yes I will do that practicing in the cot - hopefully we'll have fun!!

Tonight has been DISASTER!!!!  She did eat well at teatime (4.45pm) but then I gave her a bath early, read some books and attempted to give her a bottle which she completely refused (6.15pm)

Put her down in cot 6.25pm and it took until 7pm for her to go to sleep.  She kept standing up, sitting down but just couldn't lie down.  She didn't want to be touched and me being in the room just encouraged her to keep standing up so in the end I sat outside the room and kept going in to lay her down.  She pretty much screamed herself to sleep :-(

Should I attempt to give her the bottle she didn't drink as a DF?

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Ok so I attempted to give a bottle as DF but she wouldn't take any - this was at 10pm.

At 10.30pm - she woke up!! only to be laid back down in the bed and given her lovie.

We then had 3 and 1/2 hours of sleep yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So she woke up at 2.10am  3.30am  4.30am  6.00am and then up for the day at 6.30am

These wakings were very brief - literally just laying her back down with her lovie.  Really wondering what the problem is!!

I feel better for having some sleep though.

This morning before her nap - we were playing in the cot and trying to lay down but she is so super active she just kept rolling straight over to her front, then up to knees and then standing!!

I thought I'd have trouble getting her to sleep for her nap but she went very easily bless her.  This was at 9am - after 2.5 hours A time.

Currently been asleep for 50 mins