I Want to STOP!!! HELP!!!

[sunnysmom]

Avi is 19mo DD. And now she is a boob addict. 8 hrs of back breaking night feeds..uses me as a pacifier. if i attempt to remove..a temper tanturm is what i get.

All morning, noon and night she wants the boob!!!! I am TIERED!! i am NOT enjoying this ANYMORE!! sob!! i dont know how to stop. Twice, i have tried by applying lemon juice on my nips, and she dint touch it during the daytime for two days. Nighttimes are the hardest...she cried non stop from 2 am to 5 am that i  gave in.

Now she has a cold and terrible caugh. She wont take in solids i guess coz she cant taste it. and sooo..its the boob doing all the work and i want to stop cold turkey.

I dont know what i want to hear from you..since i seem to have decided to cold turkey..just wanted to vent i guess..

[Shiv52]

Hugs xx

Just be careful if engorgement for you if you stop cold turkey especially when feeding so
 Much. It can be hard to break any prop let alone when a LO is sick so I don't know if you'd be better waiting a few days until she is feeling better as you may have more success.

When breaking such an engrained prop you're going to need a plan as she obviously needs a new way to sleep. Does she feed to sleep? Or can she sleep independently?

I think at this age cold turkey is the way to go with the night feeds but it will be really hard and the most important thing is once you decide to start that you do not give in.  There will be a lot of crying and protest and probably very little sleep for a few nights but it will be worth it.

Have you any help this weekend so you can get started?

[sunnysmom]

Sorry for the rant. It was getting on to me. Actually i have enjoyed BF her upto maybe 3 months back. its been beautiful and i loved bonding with her thru this. So its not been as bad as i have made it out to be till 3 months back. But now its time i end it coz its taking it toll on my emotional health.

To ans your questions. She feeds to sleep, but i have seen that she she CAN sleep independently, but goes for the boob coz ITS THERE! Sometimes she sleeps in her cradle which i specifically brought so i can wean her off at least while sleeping. She naps in there fine, but night times she wants me! and thru the whole day. I dont even feel like going gradual with weaning. I just want to stop. period!

I am contemplating of packing her off to my moms house during the day and getting her back at night. She is going thru a terrible seperation anxity phase and wont go to anybody..but thats another concern all together i think. or is it?

[Shiv52]

18-20 months is a prime time for separation anxiety. The best thing you can do is reassure her and let her know you understand and don't force her going to someone else. It will pass much much quicker this way.

I'd say the boob is a habit at this stage. Do you want to tackle days or nights first? Or just do both together?

It will be tough because not only are you stopping BFing but you are teaching her a new way of going to sleep altogether.

First thing I would do is think of a winddown you will do for sleep times that doesn't involve BFing then stick to that consistently. That will help her realise sleep time is coming. Then it is a matter of putting her in her cot and settling her to sleep. I would sit beside her and reassure her. With my LO lifting her out to settle her didn't actually help as I think she thought she would get fed so then putting her back down was a disaster so in the end just settling in her cot and reassuring while rubbing her head, hand helped. My LO cried for an hour first time round but was only 5/6 months so be prepared for it to take a long time the first few tries. But if you start don't give in as it will make all the crying be for nothing.

I would start today not feeding before sleeps and just settling to sleep and feed at other times. Do not let her fall asleep on the boob. After that you can judge what you want to do tonight. I would be inclined to feed at bedtime then just resettle any way you can until morning without feeding. It will be hard but worth it. At 19 months she definately doesn't need night feeds and you can offer a sippy of water in the night.

Is DH about this weekend? I wonder would he be better doing the first few nights. My friend has just weaned night feeds with her 13 month old and her DH did all
The resettling for a few nights. The first night their DD cried for 3-4 hours on and off. Second night an hour. Third they had 2 short wake ups and by night 4 she slept all night and has since. He just sat beside her cot and said their sleepy phrase and reassured her until she was back to sleep. Would that be an option?

[sunnysmom]

Thank you for your inputs. I am feeling much better now knowing there is someone to help me out. The first time i tried cold turkey, the 3rd day and the 4th she woke up only once..and i should have encouraged that..but got very nervous thinking of the time she cried for 3 hrs.

She dislikes being patted down or being held, arching her back all the time and screaming. She wont let DH come near her and whacks him pretty good :/ but he is all help and will be willing to try putting her to sleep.

I will definetly start about putting a wind down step in place. Will give it a weeks time and then maybe let my mom take the day care bit.

[Shiv52]

If she doesn't want you guys touching her you can just sit beside the cot and say your sleepy phrase.  And pat her hand if she'll let you.   

It may help her if you are the one puts her to bed (without feeding to sleep!) but then get DH to do the NWs and just sit beside the cot and resettle and at least that way she will know there is no possibility of getting fed and there will be less confusion on her part.   It may take a long time and a lot of protesting for her to go back to sleep but stick with it.  get ear plugs for you if you need them and don't be tempted to go in if you decide to let DH settle her...don't want to undo all the hard effort!!  Or maybe you go and stay at your mums for a night and let DH get on with it!!

How often is she feeding in the day?  Are you stopping that too?  If you aren't I would start putting at least 4 hours between feeds so she starts getting the idea that she is not getting milk all the time.  Use the same phrase so she gets used to hearing it and that should help the whole process.  I also wouldn't offer if she's crying and screaming and try to only offer when she is calm.  Although if you are stopping altogether this may not even be an issue.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[sunnysmom]

thank you so much for being there. meant a real lot to me... i will do as you have suggested...need to be strong here.

[Shiv52]

Will be thinking of you.  Keep your goal in mind.  Even stick a sign up in her room so you can see it and it'll remind you not to give in.  Something like 'in 2 weeks time we will all be sleeping all night...hurray!!'

{{{hugs}}}

[sianie]

Hi there...

I can see that Shiv has already given you some great advice!

I would also start upping her calories during the day so that she's not hungry at night.

Has she ever been an independent sleeper or has she always been fed to sleep?

[*Ali*]

I agree with everything Shiv has said. I thought I'd pop on to add that my sister was feeding her DS to sleep for 23 months including several night wakings and in the mornings if he woke after 5am she had to keep him on the boob to keep him asleep, sometimes for 2hrs or he would wake! He was also on her all day pulling at her and actually lifting her shirt trying to get the boob out himself and yelling "mum boob" out in public and he could not be distracted.
One day she decided she had had enough and (and I'm not sure I fully agree with this bit but...) she told him that her boobies were sore and the dr said she could no longer feed him so he was going to have his milk (cows) in a sippy and just have cuddles from mummy. He was a little older than your DS but not verbal AT ALL but he did seem to understand really well and just accepted it. And he never asked again!!! She cuddled him to sleep for most NWs and just sat by his cot to put him to sleep at BT (she isn't into BW BTW). He still woke a night for a while but only once or twice for a quick cuddle but now 6 months later he is mostly STTN with a NW maybe once a week. I partly wanted to tell you this story just so you would know that others have been in your position and got over it and partly as a suggestion that you maybe explain to your DD that she won't be getting her milk from you anymore and give her a reason why. You could say something like she is a big girl now so mummy's boobies don't have milk in them etc. Maybe to start with you could offer her a yummy food/drink alternative like diluted milkshake or weak hot chocolate so she has something positive to focus on.
When we weaned our NF at 12.5mo DH did it and dealt with all NWs and it worked well for us because DS1 knew the BF was not an option with DH. My DH was used to putting him down at BT and dealing with NWs though so DS was comfortable with him.
HTH.
Good luck.   

[sunnysmom]

Well, guess what? will wonders ever cease. I was getting ready for a big showdown today with her going all "dhudhu"(boob for her)..i applied a bad smelling neem oil near my breasts and when she came near me i told her that the dhudhus had gone bad and let her smell me. She copied my bad tasting look and wrinkled her nose, repeating.."dhudhu bhah!" and then NEVER ASKED FOR IT THE WHOLE DAY!! wow!! what happend? i hope i am not jinxing myself here.

the first tim ei tried weaning her, i was not ready, the second time she wasent, now i guess both of us are. and i an so happy. Her naps were in the cradle..her evening nap was a little bit of an issue, but she never once asked for "dhudhu". I am so relieved

but..she hasent eaten anything much since morning. mostly on a fruits, water and potatoe crispies. NOW i am worried again..for a different issue. I dont know what to feed her. She is not having her usual solids of rice and lentils. Her last nap was late in the evening, and i know for sure she will wake up cranky and wont eat a thing. i should not give in the temptation to feed her then. but will that mean she goes to bed hungry? oh!! what now!!?

[Shiv52]

Great progress. I would stand your ground and not feed in the night. She will not be starving and it means will she's up tomorrow she will have more of an appetite for solids x

[sunnysmom]

quite a night! as you said she found it hard to settle. but with a lot of help from the cradle..she did sleep albiet waking every hour or so. morning she just dint know what to do and made us go from one room to the other till we got exhuasted carrying her. When she still kepton whining i gave her the boob.. you could see the surprise look on her. however after drinking a bit she voluntarily let go and said she dint want it. Now it was my turn to look surprised!
well, wont encourage that today. she did eat however after she woke up from her nap last evening. thank the good lord for that! and she ate quite well this morning too.. but still gets a little cranky now and then.

my breasts were not that engorgged yesterday..but today its painful..well.. on to another day! thanks shiv and ali!

[Shiv52]

Great progress!!! Hope today goes well too xx

[sianie]

my breasts were not that engorgged yesterday..but today its painful.

Have you got a tight sports bra or something similar that you can wear? I found this really helped when I stopped BF'ing.