Author Topic: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son  (Read 1388 times)

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Offline mummylovesyou

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Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« on: October 09, 2011, 19:32:33 pm »
My son has never been a good sleeper, about 2 months ago for two weeks he slept straight through the night and it was great. From then on it's gone downhill rapidly. He used to wake up 2 or 3 times in the night, I used to put his dummy back in and he would go straight back to sleep. In the last two months, it has gone from 2 or 3 times a night to every half an hour for the last 3 weeks, but the waking has changed, if i am lucky he will go back to sleep after putting his dummy in, but he wakes up hysterical. I have tried controlled crying, it doesnt work, he just gets even more hysterical, gets out of bed and stands shaking the stair gate at his door. I have tried putting lots of dummies in his bed so he can always find one but that doesn't work. I tried a night light in his room, made no difference. I have to hold him and calm him down, which takes a while, I put him back in to bed, go back to bed and it goes quiet for 10-15min then he starts screaming all over again. He refuses to sleep during the day, I am lucky if he goes down for 45mins in a day, I have tried everything to get him to nap in the day but I can't force him. He is on the go all day, doesn't stop but then comes 4pm and the hell begins, constant crying, clingyness, then dinner at 5 and he is ok for 15-30mins after dinner, then he is crying again, he won't sit and read a book, or sit and watch tv, he has to be stood up, and walking around. He likes to be in control, and doesn't like being in confined space. He hates being carried or hugged or being in his buggy, he has been in a bed since he was 8 months because he didn't like being confined in his cot. He goes to bed between 6-7pm, and once I have done his nappy he will put himself to bed, and goes to sleep instantly, my problem is keeping him asleep. I am pretty good with keeping him in his bed, but I sleep on the 3rd floor of my house and he is on the 2nd floor, so every half hour I am up and down the stairs, so after a few nights of spending every night up and down and not giving in and bringing him into bed with me, I have to give in because I don't have the energy to climb the stairs. I put him into bed with me and he sleeps straight through, but I rarely sleep when he is in bed with me, so either way I am not getting any sleep. I have spent so many weeks at home trying to implement strict routines and nap times and he just won't have any of it. I go back to work full time a week monday, and I honestly don't know how I am going to cope if I don't start getting some sleep. I really am at breaking point, I find myself so tired the slightest thing makes me burst into tears, please help someone!!!

Offline *foxy*

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2011, 19:44:35 pm »
All I can give is lots of hugs, we have a terrible sleeper too, its exhausting. I hope someone can help you get to the other side of this


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Offline clairebear79

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2011, 19:53:30 pm »
(((hugs))) It sounds like you are having a tough time atm so lets hope a few pairs of eyes can give you the help you need.

It sounds to me like he is probably rather overtired, which is leading to the repeated wakings at night & hysterical crying.  Babies of his age need one or two naps during the day totaling around 2-2.5hrs & will usually need day time naps right up to age 2 & sometimes beyond.  If he isn't napping then come late afternoon he will be very OT meaning he has a very restless night. 

I understand you are struggling with his naps & so we need to find you a plan that will work better for you.

When you say:
He refuses to sleep during the day, I am lucky if he goes down for 45mins in a day, I have tried everything to get him to nap in the day but I can't force him.

can you tell me what time of day you try to put him down for a nap & how he responds?  And also what time does he wake up in the morning?  This may help us to determine if he is UT or OT at naptime & hence why you are only getting a 45min nap at most.

And what strict nap routines have you tried so far?

I am also wondering if there may be some prop issues going on here.  WRT his dummy, can he re-insert it himself?  How often does he come into bed with you?  Is this a regular thing?  If so, there may be some work to do on getting him to sleep independently again.  But it is achievable with a little bit of hard work things will get better.

xx

Offline mummylovesyou

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2011, 20:02:48 pm »
I know he is OT, when he was a lot younger he used to be up between 6-7 and then be napping between 8-9 for an hour and then straight after lunch at 12 he used to go down for an hour. Now he is so wide awake in the morning, there is no way he will go back down for a nap, he just wants to play. He usually naps just after 11 or after he has had his dinner at 12. Today I managed to get him to nap in his bed, and even in his bed he only slept for 45mins.

If i manage to keep him in his bed the whole night, he will be wide awake by 5.30-6ish, if he ends up in bed with me like last night he doesn't wake up until 7-7.30ish.
He can easily find his dummies and put them back in himself, I have gone down to him screaming only to find he is screaming with his dummy in his mouth. He sleeps with me maybe once or twice a week, I have epilepsy and sleep deprivation is one of my triggers so I have to give in, because I need the few hours sleep I get when he is in bed with me,to help keep my fits at bay.

x

Offline clairebear79

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2011, 20:39:37 pm »
Oh (((hugs))) hun, so its very important to get this sorted out then - for your health especially.

The main thing is he needs to get caught up on his overtiredness.  I think if you can deal with this, the NW should reduce & hopefully even stop (unless of course he is becoming reliant on your help to get him back to sleep.  WRT the dummy, it doesn't sound like a prop if he can replug it, but IIWM I would stop replugging it for him)

Firstly, I have a few more questions:  when he got to the point where he wasn't tired enough to nap between 8-9am anymore, did you try offering the nap a little later e.g. 9-10am or 10-11am, or did you just drop it completely? Also, when he wakes at the 45min mark mid-nap, what happens?  Do you go straight in to him or do you leave him a while to see if he will re-settle? And does he wake crying/still tired or seemingly happy?  How do you try to resettle him?

Now, WRT helping him overcome his OT: 

If you did just drop the nap, could you perhaps reinstate a morning nap on a temporary basis, to help him get caught up?  Given his age I'd probably try a fairly short nap Eg. 9.30-10am or 10-10.30am.  And then put him down for his big nap slightly later at say 12.30/1pm & let him sleep up to 2hrs.  Repeat that for a week & see if that makes a difference?  Another alternative is to put him down for a long nap late morning eg 10/10.30 & let him sleep as long as he needs & then try for an afternoon catnap, maybe in the car to get you through to a normal BT.

If he won't entertain going down any earlier than his current nap time, then I would stick with it, but go in his room at the 45min mark & do whatever you can to get him to go back to sleep.  If he still won't sleep then I would opt for a super early BT so he can catch up on some of his OT.  Don't be afraid to put him down early when he has done such a short (or no) nap b/c he needs to catch up somewhere.  He may still wake at the same time i.e. 5.30am, but at least he will have had a bit more sleep overnight IYSWIM?  And that will only help him to become more rested.  They say sleep begets sleep, so the more sleep you can get into him the more he will want.  Stick consistently with the same naptime too. 

If extending naps/EBT's don't work then I would possibly even consider trying pushing the nap a little later to rule out UT.  If they are UT for the nap they can short nap, leading to becoming OT at BT if you don't bring BT earlier, leading to NW/EW - its a vicious cycle.  I'm certainly not saying this is the issue, but it could be, & if catching up on his OT doesn't get you back on track, then ruling out UT is the next thing to do.

Do you also mind me asking what happened with his cot - i.e. how did you know he didn't like being in there?  And do you still have it???  I know he hasn't been in it for quite some time & this may be out of turn, but I do wonder if he would maybe be better off back in it, because at least then he won't keep getting out of bed.  Or as an alternative, could you put side rails on the bed so he can't get out?

Offline mummylovesyou

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2011, 18:27:13 pm »
I dropped the morning nap altogether, I did try moving it but he was just too awake so it didnt work. When he wakes up from his nap he is usually in his buggy in the hallway, and he cries cause he can't see anyone, so I go to him, the minute he sees me, he starts smiling and trying to get out and he happily goes and plays after that. I don't try and resettle him cause he wakes up so alert and awake.
The problem is that he goes to Creche everyday from 10-12 so I am not with him for those two hours, so it's impossible trying to get him to nap, plus I have stopped him going to creche and tried to get him to nap before and it seems to disturb him even more because its ruined his routine and he loves Creche. I will try the earlier bed time this week and try keep him awake til I get home so I can put him to bed to nap so it may be easier to keep him asleep longer, I am just worried that I will start doing this, this week, and then next week mon-fri 8.30-6 he will be with the childminder, in a new house, in a travel cot. So early BT's aren't going to happen. I can certainly get her to try getting him to sleep more during the day.

Raefe used to get hysterical when i put him in his cot, he used to scream the place down it was awful. Even if I left him to cry, he would smash his head against the side of the cot. He hated it, the minute I put him into bed he goes straight to sleep at BT, even know he gets straight into bed and is asleep within 5 mins, he just won't stay asleep. I stayed in a hotel a few weeks ago and I had a travel cot for him, he got so worked up and angry he managed to tip the travel cot up so he could crawl out. He is so strong when he is hysterical its scary. He has a bed rail on the side of his bed, that i placed in the middle so there wasn't enough room either side for him to get out, so he decided to climb over the end of the bed which i a bit higher than the bed rail. I got so worried about him climbing over the end because it is so high and theres a radiator at the end, i moved the bed rail so he can climb in and out of bed normally without risking hurting himself.

Offline deb

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2011, 19:08:59 pm »
Is he teething? He may be falling asleep from exhaustion at night but waking up between sleep cycles from pain if so. Eyeteeth/canines were our absolute worst teeth in Josie's case, took us 3 months of them coming in one after the other to get thru it. Had to dose her with pain meds before bed and again around 2AM when the first dose of ibuprofen/nurofen wore off. That was in the 15-17-month range.

Offline mummylovesyou

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2011, 19:05:21 pm »
He was teething but not anymore, I can tell when its his teeth and it is sometimes but majority of the time its not. I give him medicine before bed if he is teething, but my son refuses to take medicine in the middle of the night, he just spits it back out.

Offline Kay Dee

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #8 on: October 11, 2011, 20:05:18 pm »
If extending naps/EBT's don't work then I would possibly even consider trying pushing the nap a little later to rule out UT.  If they are UT for the nap they can short nap, leading to becoming OT at BT if you don't bring BT earlier, leading to NW/EW - its a vicious cycle.

I think Claire is on to something here. If you push the nap out will he sleep for longer? Both my kids were on a 1pm nap by your DS's age, any earlier and we'd get short naps (although all DD's naps are short at the moment, but that's a different story!)

Have you tried a later nap?

x
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Offline mummylovesyou

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2011, 17:12:16 pm »
Had a bit of a breakthrough two nights ago, mixed together controlled crying and rapid return and after an 1hr and a half he gave him and slept from 12 til 5 then came into bed with me til 7.30, and last night he was in bed at 6.15 asleep by 6.30 and slept straight through til 7.30, he did cry in his sleep about 4am, but i didnt go to him and only lasted 30secs, but he did have his jabs yesterday so wondering if thats it, but yesterday and today he has made it home after creche without falling asleep and I have put him in his bed and he slept for an hour yesterday and he slept for nearly 2 hours today. Hope it stays that way, although I fear Mondays upheaval to a childminder full time may jeopardise all this.


Offline Kay Dee

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Re: Nothing works- at breaking point with my 14mo son
« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2011, 19:07:12 pm »
Great progress! Hope you got some sleep yourself. Keep us posted x
Little man: June 2008
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