At my wit's end with food/dish/cup throwing 17 month old

[~inbalance~]

I have no idea to do with this kid and I don't seem to recall DS1 throwing stuff off his tray for this long.  He has been chucking food/cups etc for as long as I can remember, and it's just not getting better.  Maybe it's even getting worse.  It's so random, there is no rhyme or reason.  He'll be happily eating something then yell and throw it off his plate.  He doesn't drop it, he HURLS it across the room, or worse AT me.  Like, he looks at me and whips his cup at me.  We don't react, we've tried not to make a big deal out of it.  But now I'm getting frustrated, and tired of cleaning up milk and food off the floor (he throws his spill proof cups with such force that they often still splatter liquids everywhere).  I feel so disrespected, like why do I bother preparing food that he won't eat, or cleaning the floors when they're just made a mess of within minutes.  I still won't give him a dish of his own because of this, or cutlery.  He'll never learn how to uses dishes and cutlery because I won't give them to him, it's dangerous.  He's not an aggressive child otherwise, I don't catch him throwing toys around or anything like that.  It's just his table manners are horrific.  Help anyone?

[Mama2C]

My DD did this - she would chuck her dish, cup, fork etc. I eventually called into a parenting show and the parenting expert gave me the following advice: as soon as the child throws the dish, food etc, the meal is over. Even if they haven't taken a single bite. So for example, it's lunch time and your DS throws his bowl after a bite or two, IMMEDIATELY remove it all from him, clean him up and take him away from the table and say "We don't throw plates (or bowl etc)". If he asks for more food, he HAS to wait until his next meal. He can have a snack in an hour or two. If he does it again, then no meal for him again. He will learn - trust me! We were at a loss with DD doing this and she caught on VERY quickly that throwing things = no food. And kids want to eat!!! Just remember to feed him again an hour or two after his missed/shortened meal. This is when we started doing a pre-bed snack because for a few dinner she wouldn't have very much!!

And don't worry - he WILL learn to use utensils when he realizes that throwing things isn't going to get him anywhere but an empty tummy!

After DD learned NOT to throw her bowl etc she became a poster child for good table manners!! We often got compliments on her table manners!!!!

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

as soon as the child throws the dish, food etc, the meal is over. Even if they haven't taken a single bite.

This is what we did, and it worked (not that they were ever really into throwing, but maybe because I did this right from the start it never became an issue) Also, when they were able enough I made them help clean it up! Of course I had to go over it again when they weren't looking. 

Do you think giving him cultery (plastic at this point in case he does toss it) would be such a novelty that it might distract from throwing?

[~inbalance~]

Thanks!  I have been taking him down early because I agree that throwing means the meal is over (we did this with DS1 and he got the point), but I've always given him a chance to eat something first.  It's so frustrating.  I'm going to try that with him, taking him down right away.

I do try giving him cutlery sometimes, but it gets thrown and last night DH almost took a fork in the eye.    I've been trying to give him a plastic spoon with every meal but it is the first thing to get thrown. 

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

last night DH almost took a fork in the eye.

Yikes!  For sure I would take him down immediately...otherwise there is no cause & effect if he gets to carry on eating after throwing. 

[Tweakster]

I eventually called into a parenting show and the parenting expert gave me the following advice: as soon as the child throws the dish, food etc, the meal is over.

Was that Alyson Schafer??

[~inbalance~]

Ugh, that is the other thing.  We put him down early, then he goes and climbs up onto another chair (usually T's chair) and starts snatching stuff from the table.  This stuff may get eaten, or it my get thrown, or it may just get spread all over the place.  Frustrated with this kid is not the word!  On one hand I think he wants to sit at the table like the rest of us, but on the other hand he is not ready.  He sits on a booster on his own chair, but it has a separate tray.  Maybe I should try taking the tray off and pushing him up to the table.....

[Tweakster]

Martina that is what I was going to suggest, we probably should have done it earlier with F TBH because when we did, things got better (we had the throwing and tried everything too).  He felt 'connected' to the meal and what was taking place.  We also let him use the pepper shaker and add his own ketchup or cheese to his meal, so he would feel like one of us.  It helped a lot.  And if T is modeling some good cooperative behaviour he will see that as well and cotton on to how to behave at the table.

We also took cutlery away and got him to eat with his hands.  He quickly learned that if he wanted to use those things like we did, he had to leave them on the table.

[lilybug25]

We had the same problem with my daughter at that age, I took the tray away and bought her a place mat for the table, it worked for a short while then food/plate/cup started flying again. I also just took her from the table right away. It took maybe a week and no throwing of food at every meal (it does still happen though and every time she gets taken down from the table asap). I also taught her to push her plate forward when she is done as when she was done she would throw it on the floor  .

[~inbalance~]

I am trying to teach him to put his cup down when he is done instead of throwing it at me.  Or putting food down on the tray when he doesn't want it instead of throwing it on the floor.  I'm going to try putting his chair at the dinner table tonight and see how that goes!

[*Liz*]

Megan is dreadful as well Martina - although she is dropping rather than hurling it across the room - or feeding the dog!! I remember J improving at about 15 mths so M is definitely persisting for longer.

She does do better with a bowl and cutlery really - but when she dumps the whole lot I am beyond irritated. I just take her down really.

Oh - and M always eats at the table with us and still throws. She does best when it is just her and Jacob sitting opposite as she tends to copy him for a while. Or she lets him feed her  . Or the swap their dinners and eat each others  . I had to take the baby set of Megan's chair as she was too big and it is just a NIGHTMARE. She climbs on the table and all sorts during the meal  . Or I end up with them both stood on their chairs.

I try not to react much to stuff either - so I just sit them down with no words or remove Megan for throwing with just a quick 'oh you must be finished'. Megan def does stuff just to see the reaction.

[~inbalance~]

I think dropping wouldn't be so bad, but when he hurls a whole lot across the room it gets everywhere.  I'm just so tired of cleaning food and milk up from everything - floors, walls, tables, chairs.    I do hope we can get over it, it's getting old now!    But I am glad it's not just my kid!  lol

[clazzat]

If he is climbing back up to the table when you take him down, could you put him in a travel cot with some toys while you finish the meal? Then he will also learn that not only will he be hungry, he will also not be part of the family meal.

And what do you mean "17 month old" - f is only about 6 months, surely!

[Lana]

I agree with pp you need to remove his food and drink right away.  Is he strapped into his booster?  If so you could just leave him at the table until everyone is done.

[Lemonthyme]

My LO went through a few months of this and periodically starts again.  We're not quite as strict but we do tell him off, take that food away and explain he can leave it on his tray or give it to us when he's finished but then tbh I do normally give him something else if I was intending to give him something else (if I wasn't, that's it, meal finished.)