I can't go through this again!!

[scucci1979]

A few months back Madison went through a really bad bt phase where she was afraid to go to sleep. We got through that with GW and wi/wo. The other night, we had a bad storm and the thunder woke her up.  I tried for two hours to settle her but she wouldn't.  She kept getting out of her bed, crying for me. Finally, I got her to sleep on the floor in my room. Last night, it all started again! we did our normal bt routine, everything seemed fine, but the moment I walked out she freaked. She said she was scared of baby einstein. We went through this over and we have discussed her fears and she nows that she has her teddy to protect her. She doesn't want a night light but has a flash light in her bed.  Last night was thel first time we closed her door on her and that just made things worse. She cried until she vomited. That is how scared she was!  Hubby is not a fan of a gate or locking her door. I couldn't bear to see the fear in her face or hear the fear in her voice when we shut her door shut.  She normally sleeps with a crack of it open. Anyhow, hubby got her finally to fall asleep after 1hr of tears, negotiations and screams.  He actually yelled at her b/c he was due to go to work in 4hrs and hadn't slept yet. He felt very bad about it.  She had one nw at 2am and this took me about 10mins to get her settled. Come 5:30am, I saw her at the edge of my bed wanting to come up. I normally don't let her come in but I was beginning to get an awful headache so I let her in. I went to get Alyssa at 6:45am and the moment I left she woke up looking for me. Here we go again, with the fear and SA.

She knows the rules that we all sleep in our own bed and mommy is just in the next room if she needs me.

Any ideas/suggestions on how to help her face her fears at night and be more comfortable when it comes to bt?

[deb]

I let mine come to my room and sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor at the foot of the bed for a while. Once DH had gotten up and gone to work, I didn't mind a kid in my bed, but the rule was that the space had to be empty. Three in the bed just wasn't practical - I don't sleep so well that way, and DH is a big guy and takes up a fair portion of the bed.

To be fair, the sleeping bag solution did become a problem when two girls wanted the room and our bedroom is too tiny for more than one sleeping bag, but it was a nice temporary solution. And it ended for good only after I threw a HUGE strop....when Natalie was 5YO.

Can you maybe go around the room with her and do something like, say, spray lightly-scented water - water in a spray bottle with a drop or two of lavender essential oil? - around the room to help it be a more soothing place? Can you re-arrange her room a bit, or hang a special picture on her wall?

Melatonin has also helped us break cycles like this. We only gave Nat mini-doses when needed, but it bought us some time and helped us get out of the room with her sound asleep.

But if she's truly that scared, it doesn't sound like this is the time to enforce the rule and force her to stay in her room alone either..... will have to give this more thought.

[scucci1979]

thanks again. I have never tried Melatonin. 

I too don't mind her coming into my bed in the early morning hours when hubby is not there, but I always have that BW voice in my head saying "no, no."  YKWIM? 
Hubby is also comfortable with that idea of having her in our bed at those early hours, as long as he is not there. I just don't want her to wake up when I have to attend to Alyssa. I want her to sleep in more.

I will try the spray tonight. I did find that leaving her door open helped but then again, when Alyssa cries, she will easily wake up as there rooms are side by side.

[deb]

Once I had my second kid, I did find that my parenting shifted a lot more toward Attachment Parenting than it had with Josie.... and I wished I'd been more AP with her, in retrospect.

FWIW, I don't think Tracy would have advocated leaving a kid who's scared enough to cry to the point of puking in the name of Prop Avoidance.  It's more about knowing YOUR child and working with her. And if, for a time, that includes full-on AP with a particular child, then it does.

[*Becky*]

I too don't mind her coming into my bed in the early morning hours when hubby is not there, but I always have that BW voice in my head saying "no, no."  YKWIM?

Sabs, if you don't mind then go with it hun, don't beat yourself up over it. I do think it is important to be consistent though so if you let her come into your bed then be prepared that she will do it again and again and if you are ok with that then all is fine. Hugs xxx

[scucci1979]

thanks ladies. Tonight went better. Did our usual wind down-read a few books and sang some songs in her bed. She asked me to leave her door open so I did. Once she fell asleep and closed it(not shut). Mind you, she didn't have a nap today, so she probably was extra tired. 
Hubby and I discussed about the EW thing and b/c she doesn't do it often, I guess I will live with her coming into our bed for another snooze. Of course, if it becomes a problem, I will tackle it. I am hoping that with Alyssa gets older, she will go into her bed and then they can sleep together.
it is really hard to be consistent when you do nights alone. I need to get a double.   

[scucci1979]

I think she was a little OT yesterday as she had a few nws.  Normally she gives me a 12hour night on a no nap day, but b/c her nights have been a little wonky lately, she must need more sleep. She was asleep by 6:45pm and had a brief nw at 9pm, then 4am she didn't want to go back to sleep. I assume this was an Ew. hubby was home and we tried for one hour to get her back down. She kept getting out of her bed and we kept bringing her back.  I think I caved in too quickly b/c at 5am I let her sleep on her cinderella bed at the edge of our bed. She slept until 6:50am when her sister started crying.  My goal is to eventually get her back into her bed. I think it is best b/c she needs to sleep in the early morning hours and I don't want her to wake up the moment I get up. YKWIM? I wonder if I should set her gro clock to 6am and tell her she can come into my room then.  She is so stubborn when it comes to waiting for Mr. sunshine. She loves her clock, but will not stay in bed and wait for it.

[deb]

One night when Josie couldn't settle and was feeling especially clingy, I gave her one of my own stuffed animals (yes, I have a couple I still have from my childhood! ) and she happily settled down with that. I gave the animal a big kiss and said she could hug and kiss the animal if she wanted any Mommy snuggles when I wasn't there. And oddly enough, she bought right into that.

I generally get up way before the girls most mornings, and if they wake I tell them I'm going to the bathroom - ALONE! - and I'll be back and they usually drop off again within a minute. I do check in on them just in case.

[scucci1979]

I still have a few from my childhood. going to find them in the basement. She is very clingy, especially during the night.

[scucci1979]

I have gotten myself in a little pickle. Madison will go to sleep fine at night but when she wakes up she comes crying for me and won't go back to sleep. Nws are averaging about 2hours and that is b/c I cave and either let her come into my bed or let her sleep on her cinderella bed on the floor at the edge of my bed. I need to make a plan on how to tackle this fear she has of being alone or away from me. I do nws all by myself. Hubby begins work at 1am.  Anyhow, I am sure is also OT with these nws as for the last three days she hasn't napped. Going to get her to nap today.  Last night, she woke up every two hours. I even tried staying in her bed until she fell asleep but she woke up and came running to me again b/c I wasn't there. Hubby is home tonight, so I really need a plan and some advice here.  If I give her the option of leaving her Cinderella bed in our room and tell her it is there if she needs it, I guarantee she will be there every night.  I caved last night and let her sleep with me at 3am.  It wasn't a pleasant sleep for me as she kept snuggling her head into my back.

help ladies.

[*Becky*]

Sabs, I can only tell you what I would do in your situation. Hugs first, I was up twice with Henry last night and his is pure OT too so I know how hard it is.

If it were me I would not bring her into your room. I would settle her in her room even if you need to stay with her to help her.

Does she have a night light? Does she have a special toy you could give her to 'look after' her?

[scucci1979]

She does have a night light but when I turn it on, she asks me to turn it off b/c it is too bright. she always liked it dark. I wonder if I should try a very dim night light. I have seen them at the dollar store. When I try to settle her in her room, she wants me to sit with her until she falls asleep. she asks me to sing songs and stay with her. I normally stay a few minutes, but the moment I get up, she begins to panic and cry. If I stay with her until she falls asleep and sneak out, she wakes up an hour later crying for me.  Do i stay with her the entire night or continue to stay until she falls asleep (until she gets more comfortable being alone again)?
She does have a lovey(teddy) and I tell her he is there to protect her. I keep reminding her that when she feels scared to squeeze him very tight.

[deb]

Can you set a time frame, say a week or so, that you will sleep on her floor with her all night. Then after that, you will fall asleep WITH her and go to your room (because of course the floor is hard and you need to sleep in your bed to be healthy and she needs to sleep in hers for the same reason ) and then she can be returned to her room if she's not totally scared of being alone (difference between not-wanting-to and true fear) by DH ("Mommy's sleeping, let's go back to bed now"), and work it out from there?

[*Becky*]

we had the same problem with the night light so I drape a muslin over it and put 2 teddies in front too. There is a light but it is more of a glow.

I think Deb's plan is great if you think she is genuinely scared but if you think this is more of a 1-0 issue and accumulating OT then personally I would tell her ok we have 'x' amount of songs and stay firm.

Only you can tell if this is genuine fear or trying to play mummy a bit - what do you think?

[scucci1979]

thanks for the night light idea.

I do think she is genuinely sacred as she comes out crying and I also think it is a SA from me. When we went through this a few months ago, we did GW and I thought I was home free. Now we are back as square one. She does seem to put up a fight at night. What gets me upset and sad is that when I stay with her during a nw until she falls asleep, she wakes up and comes for me.  So i really think she is scared to be alone, again!!!  OH boy, I really don't want to sleep in her room all night, but if it is what I have to do, then I guess I have to give it a try.