What happened to my independent sleeper? 2 yr old

[Chicane]

Was it too good to be true? Over a year of perfect naps and lovely BTs minus the odd blip from illness and travel, what happened?

All of a sudden nap and BT are a major battle. I cant understand why. Normally we do wind down, BF, songs, kiss, mama goes and DS chats or sings himself to sleep. Now its huge angry tears and he wants me to stay in there rubbing his back until he is asleep...the last 3 nights he's woken up screaming and its been a struggle to get him back to sleep (have APd with boob and co-sleeping - highly unusual for us) Will only allow mama to comfort him...

Is this a routine thing? Does he need more A time? Normally he has around 6-7 hrs A time before a nap of 1.5 - 2 hrs. Sleeps 10 hours in the night all the way through.

What do we do? I am really upset by this turn of events. I really lack patience and calmness (its something I'm working on) usually DS is a textbook/angel really easy which is so lucky for me. But I am so tired at the end of my tether (thats another post but there is no Y in my EASY for various reasons)

please help me!

TIA

[Tweakster]

Hi Danni, Finn's sleep needs increased at 2yo believe it or not.  Your guy could be OT.  Are all the teeth through now? 

This exact scenario happened to us, must dig up the thread...

We went crazy hacking his nap and in retrospect, it was too much too soon.  We're now back to a 2 hr nap and a shorter day and he's getting more overall sleep. I would actually try to change your wind down a bit, make it longer and more cuddly and also try an earlier bedtime.

These phases just have to be rode out I find (((hugs)))  If you want to post his day we can see if anything is glaring.

[Chicane]

Thanks Wendy

I am not sure what the NWs were about the last few days. We try to be fairly media free here but he was watching the occasional little video on youtube so we have stopped all videos for the moment in case he was having bad dreams. He slept all the way through last night (just with the usual murmurings and talking in his sleep moments)

With the nap resistance and bad BTs...I am thinking a few things, not him needing more A time before nap, an earlier BT (which we will try tonight) and also I am thinking it might be a bit of separation anxiety...?

But if he has a longer A time then nap time gets too close to BT, kwim?

Today at nap time it took ages to convince him to get into the cot (no surprise there with a 2 yr olds) Then after songs and kisses he wanted me to stay and sing and rub his back, this time I tried a variation of WIWO, i stuck my head round the door and told him I would wait out side, everytime he called out for me I would call through the door that I was there and it was sleep time. This went on forever and even though he was frustrated there was no all out crying. Eventually, he started talking to his teddys and chatting and calling out to me every-so-often. BUT it took 1.5 hours for him to fall asleep. This is a usual day

6.00am wake up BF
7.00am family breakfast
8.00 accompany Papa to car say bye etc Mama showers
9.00ish start days activities (park, errands, play date etc)
9.30/10.00 morning snack
11.30 get home to make lunch
12.00 Lunch
12.20/1.00 start long journey to room for sleep, wind down, chatting and songs
1.00/1.30 - 3.00/3.30 nap
3.30/4.00 Afternoon snack and activity (usually try to keep this low key as too much arvo stimulation makes him a bit crazy)
5.00/5.30 dinner
6.00 bath and play with Papa on bed
6.30/7.00 stories, BF and songs

Normally asleep by 7.30 more or less although that has been getting closer to 8pm

What do you think? I am certain I just need a tweak somewhere as well as more reassurance for him at sleep time that I am close by

thanks again Wendy, you are an angel

xo

[Chicane]

So my plan was working until today nap time. I did the sit outside the door thing and reassure, the first nap time it took 1.5 hrs, BT took 45 min, next day nap time took 20 mins, next BT took 10 mins...looking good no? NO. Today nap time was over an hour of intense crying ('sleep time finished mama!') I knew he was tired, I know he needs a nap. I finally got him down with me in the room singing at 2pm. We went upstairs at 12.50, maybe I took him up to early and should have waited till 1 or 1.15 and aim for a 1.30 nap time?
Maybe I should have given up and brought him out and just got on with the day and compensated with early BT BUT nap time is the only me time, its the only time of my whole week where I get to do what I want (usually chores but also other stuff) I cannot give up nap, for me and for him - he still needs to sleep. So what do i do on a day like to day? He's asleep at 2pm do I let him sleep until 4? That seems so late and too close to BT.

And I really struggle to stay centered and in the present and to keep my temper under control in these situations because I catastrophise and think I am not going to get a break etc. And its moments like these that really bring on my feelings of isolation and loneliness - feelings which I generally cope with very well and accept with gratitude of all the other wonderful things our chose life brings us.  And DH is going away for a week this Friday omg. Which kind of freaks me out a bit as i will have no one to debrief with in the evening, but on a lighter note it will allow me to watch back to back Glee!

Thanks for listening xo

[Tweakster]

Hi hon, ok first take a breath   I can sense the struggle and he's going to sense it too.  You can't make him sleep.  I know he probably needs to, but you can't make him.  At this age they are just so very in control of what they will and won't do.  Can you get any other help to come in while this little glitch is going on?  If not ok, we'll talk you through this.

On a day of a late nap, I'd let him sleep.  If he's OT it sounds like he needs a catch up.  It gives you a break in the day and then he may be up later but you'll have back up then right?  When I need a break and truly feel like if I don't then I might crack, I go ahead and let the kid sleep.  Sure it may cock up our routine but really, I need the BREAK!  And then I will either sleep OR do something I enjoy to get relaxed enough to cope with the future.

So if he's fighting nap and bedtime then it could be the nap length.  You have to go cautiously when cutting the nap because it can mess up nights very easily since they only have one nap now.  Could you try 1 hr 45 mins?  or do you feel like he might cope with 1.5 hrs?  I actually think his nap is quite late for a 6 a.m. waking.  Could you try 12 or 12:30?  He might already be in second wind by 1 p.m.  10 hrs overnight is actually quite low.  It's pretty much what my kid has done and still does.  It's not really enough.  10.5 would be better.  11 grand.  Has he always done 10?  I just wonder if with his development at this age, it's not enough now.  How old is he?  How many months?

[Chicane]

Hi Wendy,

He is 2 yrs 1 month.

I am starting to figure out a few things...we have definitely entered the terrible twos and I am getting many more meltdowns over control issues (not wanting to put the pram in the car, not wanting to leave the market, not wanting to change nappy etc) The meltdowns are hard for me, as I've said in a previous post, I over empathsise and then I get angry. I am getting better at detaching, and in reality they do not last as long as some other kids. So this general atmosphere is feeding my anxieties over sleep times.

I think the cot is too small for him. So maybe its time to move to the big bed. He is currently sleeping in the big bed for his nap.

I do think he is OT. And tried to get him down earlier today, finally got him there with me in the room at 1pm...will try for earlier tomorrow. Part of the issue there is that many of the shops I need to go to do not open until 10am - and with his general dawdling often we do not get home for lunch until 12-12.30ish, then the dawdling to bed then the struggle and everything just gets late. You may say 'Go shopping after nap' but the shops close between 2 and 5pm and i can't go at 5 cause thats dinner time (the downside of living in Spain)

He has very rarely slept more than 10 hours at night. Very occasionally we get 10.5 or 11 and one golden day he slept for 12. I am going to try for an early BT tonight (7-7.30) and see if that helps. I will also try to get him to sleep in the big bed and see if that helps the NW...bit scary as he moves around a lot and I haven't got a barrier.

As far as help or support - there is none. I have some very good friends but they are all working mothers who offer me many shoulders but cannot do much else. I just have to suck this up. I am also still BFing which I really want to stop, I need to stop, but feel I can't do that till things settle down, so that's adding to the situation too...and now DH is away for a week.

ARGH! Things were so good, so smooth, i was so proud of him and us for having such a lovely independent sleeper.

I've also started to meditate again which is helping a bit, did you ever start? I found a good CD let me know if you want the name

thanks again Wendy (my angel!)

x