My 3 year old keeps waking up and walking to our bedroom during the night!

[X-LUV]

I don't know what to do. My 3 year old has stopped sleeping thru the night and continues to wake up in the middle of the night (sometimes twice) and walks to our bedroom to wake me up. I have been getting up and telling him to go back to his bed since its still bedtime but he wants me to put him back to bed then stay there with him. So I get up and walk him over to his bedroom, tuck him in and then I leave the room. Usually he falls right back to sleep with no problem, but sometimes he complains that he is scared so I stay for a few minutes until he falls asleep.

But this has been going on for weeks! And as I said before, sometimes he does this twice a night! What is even more frustrating is that I have a 10 month old DD who is also getting up in the middle of the night and I have also been trying to work on getting her to sleep thru the night (but thats another thread   ) I am so tired and cranky these days because sometimes I am getting up 3 to 4 times thru the night between the both of them, making it super difficult to get up in the morning since I'm losing so much sleep. What am I doing wrong? Please help! I'll try anything! I thought this was supposed to get easier.  

Here's our schedule (for my 3 yr old DS):

7:30a wakeup
8:00a breakfast then play
10a snacktime then swim class or other activity
12:30 lunch then activities/learning
1:30 nap
3p light snack then outdoor activities
5:30 family dinner
7:30 bath then reading time
8:30 bedtime

[Roseii]

Hi there, the first thing that strikes me is the nap-is he still doing 1.5 hours? That's rather long for his age and he may be waking because he is UT. My 3yo (37 months) either doesn't nap or I only allow 15-20 mins every couple of days.
Do you talk to him in the day about this? I'd make a point of talking to him about his fears, perhaps introducing a special toy to help keep him safe and happy? And perhaps a nightlight he can turn on?

x

[X-LUV]

Thank you Charli! I think you are right. He may be napping too long. Typically he naps anywhere from 1 hour to 1.5 hours every day, but we sometimes skip naps if he doesn't seem cranky or tired in the middle of the day. I have been debating when to stop the naps and deciding if he is ready to stop napping but I'm still confused. Sometimes when its nap time and he does not look tired at all, I just skip it. But then there are other days where he looks so sleepy in the afternoon, I have to put him down. So, I think I will try no naps for a week, or just limit it to 20 minutes when he looks extremely tired. I will see if that makes a difference.

And yes, everyday I talk to him about his night wakings and I try to find out if he is scared. Sometimes he tells me about his scary dreams or that he thinks there is a "monster in the closet" (I always smile inside because I think its so cute), but I reassure him that there is nothing there. I bought him a nightlight a few weeks ago and I turn it on when I he is trying to fall asleep, but then I usually turn it off when he is fast asleep because I don't want him to become dependent on a night light since he never needed it before....but I will start leaving it on to see if it makes a difference. I will try anything that will help him sleep thru the night again. When we are ALL well rested, its a much happier home! 

[zeri]

Alex, I think we have the same kids, except my DD is the older one! My DS does the waking thing that your DD does too. Could it be developmental? IDK, but DD did this for a few months (she is 3 1/2 now) and it seemed she just needed some reassurance and then she was fine. Her imagination is really running rampant these days too. She doesn't nap, so I know she wasn't UT, and she has a nightlight.... One thing that is working for us in the month and a half or so is 'bedtime rules'. She recites them to me every night now - no talking, no getting up (except for potty) just sleeping! She is so proud of herself when she does a good job following them ('did I fall off the rules mommy?' lol) and I use lots of positive reinforcement with her.

[mum101]

Try reducing the nap.  Some kids are skipping naps at 3yo.

Also, it might be that he realises he's in bed alone and you guys are in another room.  I would offer for him to have special sleep overs in your room. My DD asks once a fortnight to sleep in our bed (used to be once a week). If we say yes, she's happy and doesn't ask for another 2 weeks. If we say no, she'll keep asking!  Also DS has a habit of coming in our room at random times (3 yo, no nap) with his pillow tucked under his arm and his water bottle  

One day they won't want to anymore, that'll be a sad day!!

DD is big enough now we do some bed changing, ie dad will sleep in her room.  DS manages to fit between us without disturbing our sleep!

You could also offer a new special cuddle toy or something to keep him company. Our cat now loves to sleep on DD's bed, and she likes the company.  

PS I understand that feeling of just needing a good night's sleep - hope you find something workable soon!! 

[We Three]

I think leaving the night light on is a great idea...after all, when he fell asleep, he could see around his room, but when he wakes it may startle hi that he can no longer look around, kwim?  My dd had slept with a night light since birth...I like it that I can see when I go in there to check on her, too...I don't see the harm in it, personally. 

 At that age, my dd did a nap every other day for a long time...and then maybe twice a week, then none at all.  That was a better fit for us than trying to wake her from a nap, which was impossible! 

[Roseii]

Yep waking from naps is near impossible here, DD1 always gets a "car nap" now if she needs one, less painful than trying to awaken them in their beds!

Re the monsters, I wouldn't just tell him there are none, I would say OK show me where they are, and make a point of really checking around the bedroom, in the cupboard etc, so he knows you're taking him seriously yk? I stuffed a monster up my jumper and flushed it down the loo the other day

DD1's nightlight goes off on its own but it's strapped to the bars of her bed guard and she can literally reach over and turn it back on any time.

Also do you have a gro-clock? DD1 knows when it's blue she's meant to stay in bed (doesn't work 100% of the time but she is WAY better than before we had it) She knows she can call me if she needs me, but it has helped to stop her just hopping out of bed whenever she felt like it.

x

[X-LUV]

Haha! Thats so funny Lisa! We do have the same kids. I think it may very well be developmental because I was speaking to my sister in law, whose boy is now 4 years and she told me he also did the same thing around this age, but eventually grew out of it (but occasionally will wake up even now).  I think the recital of the 'bedtime rules' is a great idea that I'm willing to try out! I know DS will love to participate.

Thanks for the advice mum101. Every once in a while when he wakes up in the middle of the night (on a weekend) we will let him sleep in our bed, mainly because we are both too lazy to get up and walk up back to his bedroom  . But I thought that made things only worse, not better? ..because it creates bad habits? And to be honest I think that is why he keeps coming to our room. I think its out of habit and he is hoping we'll give in and let him in our bed. But he does have 2 favorite stuffed animals that he has slept with since he was a few months old, so I think that helps him.

Thanks for the advice on the night light Amelia. I tried it last night and left it on all night long (but he still woke up at 5am) . But I will continue to leave it on and see if it works. Also, I didn't put him down for a nap yesterday expecting him to be overtired and sleep all night so I am not sure what happened there.

Good point on the monters Charli. Good advice. I also thought about getting a clock that changes colors so he knows when its 'okay' to get up. Hmmm, something to consider. Thanks again everyone. I have a few things to try out now... trial and error!

[We Three]

On "no nap" days, try for an earlier bedtime to avoid OT...that worked for us....bed at 8-8:30 on nap day, but 7-7:30 on a day  where we skipped it.   Also...when you say he woke at 5am, was he up for the day? And also, was that the only waking of the night? 

[Roseii]

The gro clock is v helpful here

[X-LUV]

On days when he wakes at 5am, he doesn't stay up because I tell him its not time to get up yet. So he'll go back to bed and wake up at his usual 7:30am.

On days that we skip naps we always try to put him to bed an hour earlier, but it always seems so difficult because he stays awake in his bed for a long time before he falls asleep or he'll keep getting out of his bed... and before you know it, its already the 'normal' time we put him to bed. Its a hit or miss, because other times he'll fall asleep immediately.

We had a lot of things going on this past weekend and our schedule was completely off because of guests that stayed over. His cousin slept over and he stayed in his bed until 7am (a little early but I'll take that!) But right before bedtime I had a talk with DS about staying in bed and he told me he would stay until morning. So we will see how things go tonight!  Wish us luck!

[Katet]

Thanks for the advice mum101. Every once in a while when he wakes up in the middle of the night (on a weekend) we will let him sleep in our bed, mainly because we are both too lazy to get up and walk up back to his bedroom  . But I thought that made things only worse, not better?

We went through a stage where I just put a blanket on the floor next to my bed & DS2 (who was the one who walked in DS1 called out at that age) would go to sleep there & some mornings I'd wake & find him there, he didnt' wake me, he just climbed under the blanket with his pillow & went back to sleep... hasn't done it for years.

[HannaduPlessis]

Hello All, my very first time on this forum... only joined this morning, mainly due to my sudden problems with a previous super-sleeper. My daughter (DD?) is 34 months and we took her off the pacifier about 2 months ago (used only for sleep and naps). She took it very well - only awoke once on night one and twice on night two.

About a month ago, my parents came to visit and they bought her a big kid bed and at the end of their stay, which is now about three weeks ago, we introduced her to it. She took to it well for about three nights and it's been all down-hill from there. We have severe thunderstorms where we live in South Africa and she is suddenly very afraid of the thunder and lightning. For the past week, there has been intermittent thunder at night, so we used to just go to her, soothe her and she'd fall asleep again. When the storms were over, she would normally sleep through.

The last week or so, however, the pattern has changed for the worse. She now does not want to go to sleep in her own bed or even in her cot, but wants to sleep in  her camping cot (portable cot) in our room. She has also been waking up between two and three times per night, regardless of whether there is a storm or not. She cries, sometimes uncontrollably, or other times, she just whines. We have had her sleeping in our room, we have put her back in her cot, with one of us sleeping in her room. She still wakes up and cries / whines, even when one of us is sleeping in her room. She says she wants to put her slippers on, wants some water, wants to go to Mommy / Daddy (whomever is not with her at that moment), wants to sleep in her other bed etc etc etc anything just not to go back to sleep.

I am currently also 22 weeks pregnant with our second child (another little girl!), so I need to get all the sleep I can right now!!!

What to do? Is this just the result of a lot of things happening at the same time, or should I look into sleep training? Please help!!!!!

[scucci1979]

this is what happened with us. We had a really bad thunderstorm and it woke up DD1.  that week was not fun. She would not sleep in her bed. She was so scared. We have been giving her the option to sleep on the floor in our room. She first starts off in her bed then the first nw I can get her back to sleep by staying in her bed for a few minutes. The second nw(usually early morning) she wants to sleep in my bed. I tell her she can go to her Cinderella bed on the floor and she does. Over the past week, it has decreased but she is still having at least 2 nws, regardless if she naps or not. Could be OT! I know at this age there is a lot of fears and SA going on. I am hoping this phase will pass soon.

Have you tried staying in her room with her?

[HannaduPlessis]

Hi Sabrina, yes we've tried that. Used to work, but last night she woke in her camping cot in our room and whined for about an hour, even though there was no thunder/lightning. I went to sleep in her room; slept about 3hrs and then she woke again, not wanting to go back to sleep. I let her sleep in the big kid bed with me and only then did she calm down.
I don't want to start a pattern that's going to hard to break later on... or perhaps it's already too late for that...