3 year old and nws

[scucci1979]

Many of you know what little Madison is doing now. She has been having at least 2 nws a night and at each nw I bring her back to her bed and tell her I will stay for a few minutes but am going back to my bed.  Last week she was sleeping fine and now she is starting again!!   I am still giving her the option of sleeping on her Cinderella bed and for the past few nights she has been sleeping there after her second nw.  Why is she waking up? IF she naps or doesn't nap she still wakes up!! Shouldn't she be tired to sleep through the night. This girl was my solid sleeper and now she is waking up every 4 hours.
I am stuck here and hubby can only help me one night a week as he is working nights!  I am upset and very sad b/c I honestly don't know how to handle this anymore.  ATM I don't have the strength to stick with the silent return method. I know that is an option but with my mood lately, I just can't do it.

[Mrs Coops]

{{{{{Hugs Sabrina}}}}}

What are these toddlers doing to us? I think we're all being worn down to nothing

Has anything changed in her world recently to upset her? New nursery, friends moved away? Anything? Any new fears suddenly developed? S now has a spider issue

Is she potty trained? That really upset S, the confusion in her world was immense and we suffered. We still have issues there with constant EW's.

Is she upset when she wakes up?

{{{{{big big big hugs}}}}} tiredness is a real strain on both of you. x-x-x-x

[Shiv52]

I think its because we all wake up.  I slept with M the other night as her room was being painted and I heard her shuffle and wake a few times but she just went back to sleep.  It is normal to wake up a bit but I think M has got out of the habit of just going straight back to sleep. 

So i'll be really honest and say she's waking because we all do.  She's not going back to sleep because she is now in the habit of getting up and going to you. 

So I dont' really think you can do anything to stop the wakings but can only work on getting her to stay in bed when she does wake so that the habit is broken and she starts to resettle herself again. 

Probably not what you wanted to hear though!

[scucci1979]

Marsha, not potty trained. We are working on that. No nursery ATM. She goes to gymnastics and swimming. We do go to play groups but nothing happened that scared her.
She is afraid of everything now. I think she is afraid to be alone and of the dark. She has a light she can light up if she wakes at night, but I really think it is a comfort thing b/c when she sleeps on the floor in our room, she sleeps solid.    We are moving in April and we do talk about that from time to time. 
Most of the time, when she wakes she cries and runs out.

I am finding that I have been losing my patience with her more frequently b/c of the broken sleep. 
These toddler are indeed straining. 

Shiv, you make perfect sense, but how in the world do I train her to do this again?

[Shiv52]

{{{hugs}}}}

 I think its going to be a case of just returning her to bed each and every time with no chat until she gets the idea that she just needs to stay there.    I would only do it though when you have a bit of support or you are really sure thats the way you want to go because i worry by starting the process and then going back to the cinderella bed you are just telling her you don't really mean she has to stay in bed. 

If it were me I would be tempted to sleep outside her door and the second she appears at the door just point back to the bed.   I'm assuming you are out of sight and her door is closed over. After a few nights move your mattress to outside your door.  THen a few nights later get back to bed.    At that stage I really would be tempted to get a gate as a prompt for her if she does wake to know she is not to come to your room although i know your DH doesn't agree!  But TBH I don't know how you are managing on such broken sleep. I would be a zombie, a VERY impatient zombie!

If she wasn't such a rascal and won't stay in bed if you need to get up with A the cinderella bed really wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.  But i think if you can get her sleeping more soundly in her own bed the chance of the NWs being related to OT will be gone and that can only help things. 

{{{hugs}}}

[scucci1979]

thanks Shiv.
She goes to bed independently but it is just those pesky nws! Her door is not completely shut, it is a crack open. I am going to talk to hubby tomorrow and see what option would be best. I don't mind trying the GW and sleep outside her door. I need to convince him to put a gate. He doesn't have to deal with it, so he really doesn't understand how frustrated I am atm. 

[We Three]

This might be a little out there, but...

 Get a small strand of white Christmas lights...Millie has a small strand on top of her armoire, (30 lights in all) and it casts a beautiful dim glow in her room. Enought to sleep, but enough to see as well. I got them because they made her room look magical, but they ended up being so convenient for night feeds and such.  So we still have them, and tbh I think we always will. 
 So...you put them up high, (on top of her curtain rod, on a high shelf, around her closet moulding, whatever) and tell her they are so that they are there because if she wakes in the night, now she can see to find her lovey, her blankie, to see that all is well, to (fill in the blank).  Maybe when she wakes she feels disoriented, (especially if you were there when she fell asleep and now she is alone), and being able to see would help her.  ?

 About a year ago, Supernanny had a family do this for a 5 year old who came into her parents' room every night, and (if you believe what you see on tv) it worked for them. They made a huge deal of it, putting up the lights, saying how her room was so magical, etc....

 Worth a try? 

[Shiv52]

We do similar with Maeve and she loves it but if i'm not mistaken I think Madi already has a special light and a teddy to keep her safe and something else?

[scucci1979]

She does have her teddy and a twilight turtle beside her that she can turn on. It lights up stars on her ceiling. I am willing to try the lights over her dresser mirror. 
She didn't nap yesterday and was asleep by 7pm. woke at 11:30pm so I sat beside her for minute and left when she was wide awake. 15mins later she came running to my room saying she heard a noise.  I then stayed outside her door and she was constantly calling me to come stay with her.  This went on for one hour. Finally, hubby woke up as he had to go to work and he whispered to me to let her sleep on her Cinderella bed as he was certain she was going to put up a fight tonight and I was in no shape to battle her.  I am soooo flipping ticked off ATM. I am going to try the Christmas lights first and if that fails, going to do what you suggested Shiv and sleep outside her door for a couple of nights. I can't do this forever. She won't even come in my room silently to sleep on her Cinderella bed. She has to wake me.

[Shiv52]

{{{{hugs hun}}}}

Yeah the fact she wakes you and won't stay in bed when you have to go to A makes the Cinderella bed impossible.  I think until you are ready to tackle it head on I wouldn't attempt to get her to stay in if she is going to at some point be able to sleep on the cinderella bed as it will make her resist the change even more when you really do mean it as she really will believe you don't mean it and that she can wear you down and she will be confused. 

When you are ready to tackle it head on I would put the Cinderella bed in the attic or somewhere that it is totally unavailable so that she realises that it really isn't going to be an option any more. 

I think its one of these things that you really have to be totally and utterly fed up with the nonsense and you will just know you aren't going to back down and then it will work.  I am slowly but surely getting to that point with DD2's NWs but not totally there so am not tackling them just yet as I know I'll give in!

[scucci1979]

Makes sense. Hubby is home tomorrow night so I am going to discuss a plan of attack.  I asked her if she wanted pink magical lights on her mirror and she said yes.

I really do want to tackle this but am just so worn down. YKWIM? 

[Mrs Coops]

Ooo I like the magic light idea, I actually bought some little pink butterfly lights for S over a year ago, maybe I need to get them up now!!!

Hugs Sabrina, this is such a strain on you. I would say that this isn't something you can tackle while you are so worn down. I realise it's a vicious circle but you have to be ready mentally or you will just snap and all effort will be wasted IYKWIM?

Does your DH work every night? Would it be better to wait until he is there and let him do it? Maybe you could take Alyssa away for a few nights while he does this?

We've tried the silent return thing and for the most part it does work eventually. But we've tweaked it a bit now to include a cuddle. The first time she gets up we sit by her bed on the floor and have a good huggle, then when she's ready she gets into bed and we leave. After that she gets put back repeatedly. Lets face it sometimes we all just need a huggle, whatever time of day it is!

Just another thought but does she know what Christmas is and that she's getting presents? Perhaps it might work to say 'how will Santa know where to leave her presents if she's not in her own bed?'

[Tweakster]

I like the Santa angle.  Santa can't leave pressies if everyone isn't in their own beds.  He won't stop at the house.

(((hugs)))

[scucci1979]

I saw some pink Christmas lights in a flyer today. I am going to make a trip.  She knows she has her turtle beside her and it lights up for 45mins and has 3 different colours to choose from.  I just don't get it.  Grrr.

Hubby is home two nights of the week-Tuesday and Saturday nights. 
I do talk to her about Christmas and presents. we have a reward chart and if she gets two stickers she gets to choose a toy. I have shown her flyers, brought her to the toy store, but yet she still comes out.
Last night she woke at 11:30pm. I brought her back to her room and told her I would stay for one minute. I then left and she fell asleep. I was waiting for her to come into my room. She then woke again at 6am and I couldn't bring her back then b/c A woke up screaming so I had to attend to her. I told her to stay on her Cinderella bed and she did for 10mins. She soon came to find me and stood silently in A's room as I AP her back to sleep. Deep breath!!!!

Going to give these magical lights a try. I really hope this phase soon passes.