Ok, first off DS1 is still in a cot. He could in theory climb out as he's capable of it and is usually a climber but so far hasn't attempted it.
His sleep went way off while I was pregnant, so much so that I started fiddling about with shortening naps and trying a later bedtime (DS has a very early bedtime at 6.15 - used to be 6pm - I'm counting that from the time that I take him and start stories rather than from the point he actually lays down BTW) but that just threw things off even worse. Needless to say I had an OT monster for most of my pregnancy.
The problem then (and what we seem to be headed for again) was that he would refuse to go off to sleep at bedtime. Sometimes he would scream and scream and others he would babble until gone 9pm at which point he would usually start screaming and it would become a seriously OT WIWO battle
. TBH I found it less draining when he started screaming straight off because at least that way I could actually start WIWO. Nothing seemed to work.
He instantly improved when DS2 was born (or rather once DH went back to work after his holiday ended). It was like once he realised I wasn't pg anymore he started sleeping again. He did protest at naptime a bit but after DH actually did WIWO for a nap he started going down perfectly.
He's recently had croup and I think it frightened him a bit. It also turned him into a bit of a tyrant since we were frightened to upset him as his breathing got so bad if he cried. So, I kept laying him down on time to preserve bedtime, but once the cough woke him up DH would take him into the put-you-up bed for the rest of the night.
He's now refusing to go to sleep when we lay him down at night so he's not going off to sleep until 8 or 9 in the evening and we've also been getting EW's and NW's (which we didn't have to the same extent when I was pg). He's starting the day at 5.30 the latest, usually closer to 4am
My problem is that since DS2 is a very frequent feeder and I'm BF'ing, DH is seeing to DS1 at night. DS gets far more worked up when he does the WIWO and even now he's got rid of the cough he cries so hard that he has trouble breathing. He also has a cute little trick of crying hard for only 20 seconds or so and then babbling for a while, then crying hard again so it feels like by not going in I am leaving him to cry and I'm stressing about when to go to him. He also will cry hard until he hears one of us on the stairs - as soon as he hears us he stops crying but when we head back downstairs he will start up again. So he's managing to keep us on the stairs all evening.
The HV told me that I have to stop thinking in seconds, and that I should start going in every five minutes. She was adament that I shouldn't leave him to cry but should go in when he hits 3 on a scale of 1 to 5. To be honest though, I have trouble knowing whether to go in with the WIWO because he has such short bursts of crying but they are ongoing.
I'm getting confused about just what to do. It's like he's sussed how the technique works (which I know he can't have done).
Does anyone know what adjustments I can make to the technique to make it work for an older toddler?
BTW, gw isn't really an option for us since he is unsettled with someone in the room (he usually starts chatting or throwing things). I used to try laying on the floor by his cot through boughts of teething but stopped and returned to WIWO as he would be awake the whole night with me in the room - the WIWO seemed harsh when I knew he was in pain but was the only way i could actually get him back to sleep.
Part of me is thinking that he has SA after his illness but to be honest he has never liked going to sleep (frightened of missing something) and I think he has realised that he has us round his little finger. He's not liking the fact that he can't 'stay up' now that he is better.
This morning he was low level crying fairly constantly and hard crying off and on for over an hour (the hard crying was never for more than 10 seconds) before I finally told DH that I thought one of us should go in to him as he had been crying for so long. When DH went in to him and he realised he wasn't going to get him up though he went absolutely ballistic. He almost turned himself inside out screaming until finally the sun came up on his clock and DH gave him his morning milk - it still took him a good 15 minutes to calm him down after. I'm questioning myself now whether it would have been kinder to let him cry on a low level.
I'm worried that I'm using the technique in a way more suited to babies and younger toddlers.
