Looking for support - toddler eating making me cry every day :-(

[Truly Blessed]

Honeybun...been there, done it. It is super stressfull and I have found it hard to chill out about but I just want to give you some encouragement. I decided to offer things DS likes (on a little compartment plate) and new things he hasn't tried. Don't replenish the things he likes just give him enough. DS went through weeks and weeks of almost exactly what you describe. He's now 22 months and around 6 weeks ago I gave him one of the meals he used to love (he had gone off all hot proper food) and I was expecting it to go in the bin after 20 mins..to my suprise he picked up the spoon and hate the whole thing  . There was no rhyme or reason to why  He just did it and has continued to do it regularly, but still has off days when he will eat hardly anything. He was one of those babies I felt smug about  eating all day and anything and everything then BAM!!! Take that Mother  . He used to love cheese and then totally refused it for 5 months! 2 weeks ago he saw cheese on a pizza box and said 'Mammy Cheese!!!' I said 'Yeah whatever  ' and gave him a very small piece of mature cheddar..he ate it and asked for more  and has been asking every day since.

Honey these are just 2 examples of what can happen. Try not to stress, I know for sure they pick up on it very well. Leave him alone to eat and don' even comment! it just pee's them off  . Even telling Sam 'Well done' could result in food on the floor for goodness sake 

One thing that has really helped me is to put Sam on Abidec multivitamin with Omega 3. I know that every day whatever is lacking in his diet he gets from just a few drops of Abidec. It ensures he is doing well developmentally and takes the pressure off.

BIG HUGS Honey.

Vicki.x.

[my3girlsjde]

Oh yes, ditto the multivitamin. Takes so much pressure off of trying to find the nutritional content of chicken fingers

More {{{hugs}}}

[Truly Blessed]

LOL Vicki  so true.x.

[cath~]

Hello,

Just wanted to offer more <<hugs>> to you.

You've already received loads of brilliant advice but thought I'd add something I heard last month in a documentary about 'fussy' eaters which you might find re-assuring (I hope!).. 

Apparently, it's perfectly natural for kids to go through a 'fussy eating' phase around about age 2-3.  It's just that some kids have this phase more 'intensely' than others.  This phase is, supposedly, evolutionary since this is the age where they become more independent and mobile and the chance of them finding and eating something poisonous (imagine 1000s of years ago...) is much greater.  So kids naturally become more skeptical about food and this is to stop them eating poisonous things.

Not sure I've explained that particularly well, but I hope you get what I mean.  Basically, fussy eating is a kind of natural safety mechanism. 

Perhaps if you think of it like this (i.e. that this is just a natural phase, not your fault at all) and follow the great advice you've received above you'll find it less stressful and upsetting for you to deal with?

<<hugs>> again

[cath~]

PS  I see you're in the UK...  ..the documentary I mentioned was called 'My child won't eat' and I just saw it's on again tomorrow night at 8pm on ITV2 if you're interested.

[*jazzberry*]

PS  I see you're in the UK...  ..the documentary I mentioned was called 'My child won't eat' and I just saw it's on again tomorrow night at 8pm on ITV2 if you're interested.

Thanks - I've just reserved that on my tv! x

[inoella]

I feel for you - been super stressed about my DD's eating too! But since she eats lost of fruit and veggies I've finally decided to let go a little.  You've gotten so much great advice, I really just wanted to send ***HUGS*** since I know it's stressful and just add a few things that I think work for us. I tend to offer her what I know she will like for breakfast and lunch and then she usually has a big snack after nap so by supper she may or may not be that hungry. I'll give her what we're having but if she doesn't want it I just offer whatever fruit we have on hand and leave it at that. I try to keep in mind that at this age one good meal a day is good - and remember too that the nutritional balance doesn't need to be right on every day - i figure if it balances out over the week I'm doing good.  One more thing, could it be the timing? my dd is usually hungry between 4-5 - before I've even started dinner sometimes! I was stressing about giving snacks etc. but now I'm trying just giving her dinner on her own some nights when she gets hungry (yesterday's leftovers) and then she just snacks at the table for our dinner. i figure this is just a stage and she won't need this schedule forever...
about the snacks - can you make smoothie at home? dd loves frozen fruit, yogurt, and a bit of honey all blended up - even in the middle of winter.

[katyusha]

{{{Hugs for you}}}

 My two LOVE chilli and kidney beans, I have a great recipe that I make from scratch so I can control the chilli input! If you want the link give me a shout.

I'd love a link! Ours is really fussy and dropped a centile from his chart. He is Dairy and soy free and this sounds free of both.

[katyusha]

Lots to read here. Fussy eater on our hands. I am probably the mum you guys quote, as the don't like, wait till next meal. i am worried about weight issues and I am trying to work out what is offending DS in the meals but so far no real clue. He ate a jar again today but not my food. So lunch was 5 tea spoons and then he decied he won't have any so off to bed we go. Dinner was whole jar, plus toast with hummus plus juice plus carrot cake biscuit and then evn vomitted slightly from over stuffing himself. The jar in question actually looks like good home cooked food and tastes good. But why not my food? The other day I left him with DH and he ate my food fine defrosted and re-heated. So maybe power struggle or maybe toddler phaze. I try not to worry but am asking for a dietician  referral for DS and his restrictive diet.

[Annabelp]

Have set that programme on the tv planner!

[Katet]

FWIW I had 2 limited eaters at 2yo & now at 6 & 8yo, not so much, 6yo we are still getting there but it is happening.

A bit of history... 40 years ago diet would have been about 30 foods & parents would have given their children about 4 meals in rotation with seasonal veg & friut... now we expect our children to eat 300 & if they eat 30 we call them picky... they aren't... diet has changed & they still tend to prefer foods in season (rare to get these days with supermarkets etc).

It is also normal for toddlers to eat up to 80% of their food before their nap.

I have had a 5 foods on the plate rule for as long as I can remember, so 2-3 things that will definitely get eaten, 1-2 normally eaten & 1-2 new foods, they couldn't have seconds of a prefered food until 4 things were eaten/tasted. These days it is often 6-7 foods & they are expected to eat 4 or 5 depending on child/food . But when they were 2yo I'd often have say chicken, apple, bread, & 2 veg.  With DS1 I think he had to be exposed to foods about 200 times before he was interested (most books say about 20) Oh & my 8yo will eat brussel sprouts & spinach, but won't eat carrots???

Also children's taste buds are a lot more sensitive, Something like 10 or more times more, so food does taste stronger, so they do like the same flavours... so keep to the basics if they fit the healthy mix... if they aren't bored don't change things up.

[katyusha]

The exposure thing makes a lot of sense but child sensitivity as well. I was a really fussy eater texture wise and my relationship with my parents had too much unnecessary tension because of those cajoling/punishing experiences to eat food or being told off for not eating. Equally at nursery I remember sneaking off to the kitchen to chuck all the food off my plate in the bin before the teacher could comment. And flushing it down the loonat home. It was not about control I think because I was terrified of being told off or punished but I hated many foods. Mum says that she perfected the art of porridge to make it just so. So what I recall is that any lumps in porridge meant vomit potential. Butter felt strange unless well spread. Mince was good but all other meats to hard/grisly/ dry. Mashed and fried poatatoes good, but most veges not, except beets. And so on. Eggs were another palava, soft boiled or fried but that's it. I am mentioning this here because these were mostly texture issues rather than food issues. But of cause I could not explain it then. And  a 2 y.o. can't. So I think it is important to try and work out what it is that makes the child avoid the food. Annabel Carmel, the baby food guru became famous because she had a very fussy eating child. So it is not wrong in my book to try and work things out for the kid. It differs from those days where previously eaten food is rejected for no reason. not hungry? And there is a practical limit to what a mum can do. So I cannot personally do 5 foods on a plate but maybe going forward I will have to. We'll see. So at the moment I do what Shiv has suggested and for most part it works. I think my kid has an exposure issue as first he does not like it, but later he does. But if it was just particular thing that would make him wretch then of cause I would avoid it. FWIW what worked for me when I was a fussy then 7 y.o. was my nan's gentle approach, and yes, smiley faces on porridge, books or radio on, etc., lots of talking about my day, etc. so in the end a lot of attention. by 8 I was fine and am fine now.

[Katet]

So I cannot personally do 5 foods on a plate but maybe going forward I will have to.

I don't think 5 foods is hard, as an example, my DS1 had rice, the chicken casserole that DH & I had (so chicken, onion & sauce = 3 things) rice  & then he had brussel sprouts, pumpkin & cauliflower (7 total)... where as DS2 had rice, a chicken drumstick from the freezer re-heated, green beans, pumpkin & grated cheese.  I will honestly throw in a slice of bread or grated cheese or even cut up fruit to make the plate up, it often isn't cooked food it is just a variety of different foods... generally from most of the food groups.

[Khalam's Mama]

We tend to do 5 foods on the plate most days too. A couple veg, some carb and some meat or fish then some dip or sauce etc. K Will often eat all of one thing but it isn't always the same thing so i figure he eats what he needs at the time. I also remember having some really strong reactions to foods i like now. Lumpy mash or custard, any fat on meat or skin on fish or chicken would have had me heaving and leaving the whole meal. I remember hiding peas in a house plant at my friend's house because she said her ma would make us clear the plate.

[katyusha]

Ok, so you count things inside the dish as different foods... So if pasta had 5 types of veg and say protein it would be 6 things? Or 1? That is why I was saying I can't do 5.