Crying bloody murder at nap-/ bedtime & NWs (20 months)

[Chapo]

Hi wise Moms,
after countless months of uninterrupted sleep and constant routine we now have a huge mess.
Our schedule before things changed:
7-7.30 wake-up
12.45 - 14.30/45 nap
7.30 bedtime

Till now he loved to go to bed. Whenever we told him it is time for bed, he said everyone nite-nite and was running to his room. bath- and bedtime went smoothly.
Since ever then we haven't changed anything. Same procedures as every day. But a few nights ago he started having NWs. First night he was up for about two hours before falling asleep again (1-3am). Additionally he woke up a few times calling out for mommy. These times I could reassure him and he continues to sleep. The last few nights he had NWs, too. More of hysterical crying when waking up and it took him some time to finally fall asleep. even at naptime it's a huge battle. he refuses to get changed for his nap and starts crying once I tell him we go to bed. I tried already putting him down a bit later but it doesn't change his crying. He easily is upset and can't calm down on his own. I am using WIWO as staying with him while he is in his crib makes things even worse.
Today at naptime he wouldn't stop crying until I took him out of the crib which I normally wouldn't do. but I was concerned that he will try climbing (or falling) out of his crib. FInally I layed him down on our matress in his room, continued with WIWO and after a few minutes he felt asleep.
Nap- and bedtime he often wakes up crying out for me and is totally stressed once I get into his room (which takes me only a few steps).
Sorry for making this post so long, but I am confused, kind of stressed and feel helpless. Unfortunately he is not yet ready to clearly communicate about his feelings or happenings. During the day or after his nap I ask him about it with no success. he more looks like ashame of being asked why he cries in his bed. And believe me, I do't blame him at all!

Has anyone experienced similar situations around 20 months. What can I do to make him feel more secure in his crib (which he always loved)? What do I change to get back on track? With little of sleep he is simply not the happy boy I know and this makes me sad....

I know this is important to know, too - molars are coming in but he got meds to feel more comfortable about the pain.

Any advice, idea or nice words are highly appreciated.
Thanks

[<Catherine>]

Hi

Well firstly, this *could* all be down to those molars - thay can cause havoc with sleep.

Otherwise, it may well be that he's UT and is starting the long road (and don't panic, it does tend to be a long one ) of dropping his nap. DS started this at around 22 months I think.

It may just mean a shift in routine, or you may need to try capping the nap.

Have you tried putting him down for his nap any earlier? I was really surprised when this worked for DS. Moving the nap half an hour or so earlier, but keeping it at the same length was all he needed for a while.

[Chapo]

Thanks for your support and advice. Last night he went down pretty fast but just because he had a bad nap and was really tired. Luckily I managed to catch him on time before he was OT.
I tried to lay him down earlier today (about 30 min) but it didn't help. It was not about the sleeping itself (as he woke up a bit earlier than usual and due to his signs he definitly was tired not yet OT), more about a battle. Your advice changing my routine a bit, might be a good one. As he knows exactly what's coming next he runs away, he screams when putting him down to get changed, screams even more when he sees his sleepsac etc. Maybe with a change he might be too surprised to act immadiately ;-)
It happened the days before already that he refused every single part of our bed/naptime routine and finally was so upset due to his refusals that it ended in a tantrum.
Is it about this age that they want to have everyting under control? Or is it more about the awareness that being in his crib - alone, away from mommy, in the dark (well a night-light is on), for a long long time till the next morning - which makes him upset? Not sure what to focus on most..... NW or his behaviour before going down. Do you thing if he would love to follow his routine again , as he did for so many months, which would help to avoid tantrums before bedtime, he then would sleep much more calm? Probably I have to start the trail and error game for a while to figure out what works best...
If you have any other ideas or hints - I'd love to hear them.
thanks so much

[IzzyD's mom]

My DD has just started to flip out at bedtime. It was literally in the space of an afternoon. She went down for her nap without any fuss then bed time she fought and fought and it has continued. Prior to this I would find her in her bed at all hours of the day, playing and snuggled in her blankets with the door locked! Then suddenly she has done a big 180 and all naps and bedtimes have involved tears. Is this just a phase? Please tell me my happy to go to bed little girl isnt gone

[sineadlo]

Hi just a post to say my DS is 20 months also and sounds exactly like your little one.  Ive capped his nap for the past few weeks at 1 hr 30 mins and it seems to have helped a bit in terms of going to bed he is still refusing but not as much.  However we are still getting the NWs and he like your little one is waking screaming calling for me.  At the minute i am trying GW where i am sitting at his door and it seems to be working in that he will lie back down and go to sleep when i am there however i am wondering if it will stop the NWs.

Sorry i cant be much more help but i am in the exact same situation and if anything changes with us i will be sure to share what has worked x

[IzzyD's mom]

my DD has been on a 1 hour nap since she was 1 yr. She has always been really low sleep needs. Not sure how much more I can cap it? 45 mins? Her fussing is pushing back bedtime so I am going to try a slightly earlier BT and see what happens.

[sineadlo]

Hi just thought i woule let you no how we getting on since we were in the same boat.  Well i started of with GW for a few days and that turned into WIWO.  First few nights were terrible with frequent NWs and screaming.  I almost felt like giving up.  2 nights ago went to bed with a bit of fuss but not much i heard him waken at 1.30am and 2.30am but he settled himself then woke at 5.10 am screaming i sat on his floor with my back to him from 5.10am to 7am when it was time to get up.  Not once during this time did he go back to sleep but then last night he went down again with a bit of fuss but not much and slept through to 5.40am settled easily when he saw me and back to sleep to 6.40am.

Just dont give up as i very nearly did.  Seems things will get worse before they get better but they will if you stick at it x