Short Naps and Lights Out Phobia!!!

[cridai]

Hi

Our DS is 9 weeks old and we have been (trying to) following EASY for the last 3 weeks. I say trying because we, like many others it seems, have a problem with short naps and then I think subsequent OT. This therefore wrecks the 3-hour EASY and we tend to do:
E: 10 mins
A: 60 mins
S: 45-60 mins
A: 30 mins (too early to feed)
E: 10 mins
A: 20 mins
S: 45-60 mins

DS usually has 45 mins and then he wakes. We wait about 10 mins and he will often just chat away to himself at first and then gradually fuss and eventually cry. We then try shush/pat but I suspect it may be too late at this point. Should we go in sooner and try and shush/pat back to sleep before he starts to fuss? Once he sees us he generally seems to wake right up and usually he seems quite grumpy (which I take to mean he needs more sleep) and occassionally he is smiling and gurgling (which I take to mean he is ready to get up).

We also have an issue with getting DS to settle for his daytime naps. When we take him into his room and close the blind, he starts to squirm and usually cry. We also have his changing table in his room and if the blind is open or the lights are on, he is absolutely fine. He clearly knows what is coming once the light goes out, ie. nap-time! We settle him with a rock and a song and then the second he is lowered into his crib, his little face falls and he starts to fuss. We settle again with shush/pat and then leave the room. He has usually started fussing again before we are out of the door. We leave him for 5 minutes and if he has not settled we go back in and repeat shush/pat. Invariably he then settles ok but I was wondering how to break his apparent phobia for lights out? During the night, he goes straight back into his room and his crib with no fuss whatsoever, it is just daytime naps and bedtime when we have the fuss!

Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks very much

[creations]

Hi there
The most important thing to realise at this age is that sleep training takes time, it isn't something that happens overnight with any baby of any age, so try not to worry if you are needed to shush/pat sooth and resettle your LO, he is still very young.

I think your A time looks a little short, here's a link to guidance times for ages
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64158.0
You'll see at 2 months 1hr 15min to 1hr 20min is the guidance.  Always allow for your LO to be an individual when looking at things like A times though.  So, Your first A looks like 1hr 10 (if I am reading correctly, I added the 10 min E to the 60 min A) which is not far off the guidance time, but keeping him awake just a little longer might get you a longer nap.  It also sounds as though he might be tirying to tell you he is not ready for a nap by fussing and protesting when you shut the blinds.  he knows what is coming and doesn't want it yet.  I would increase the A to 1hr 15 for a couple of days and then 1hr 20 and stick there for at least 3 days.  Then let us know if the naps lengthen.

LOs learn to sleep at night before they learn to sleep well in the day so it is perfectly normal for him to need some more help in the day and resettle quickly and easily after a night feed.  At nap time when he fusses it's ok to shush/pat in the cot, even ok to shush/pat in your arms all the way to sleep at this very young age (and then put down in the cot and continue to shush/pat to re-settle in the new position on the mattress).  Learning to sleep in the cot and independently is a life long skill and takes some time to learn.  If the fussing is low level, a mantra cry then it's ok to wait the 5 mins, if it is a cry then you should return immediately to your DS, he needs to know that you will always come when he needs you, this will increase his confidence and independence.

I would also suggest going in sooner.  If 45 min naps are now the norm go in at 35 mins and position yourself to shush/pat immediately he stirs, you can even begin before he stirs, and continue to do it right through the transition and into the next sleep cycle.  There is no harm at all in continuing to do it until DS in in a deep sleep, this won't ultimately cause a problem as he is still very young and you are still in the early days of training.  This is teaching him that it is ok to transition and he is safe and soothed.  If you fear causing a prop habit here, don't, this sort of prop dependency is easily weaned gently over a short period of time.  If you can keep all that soothing in the cot then great, if not it's ok to PU.

Sounds like you have made a great start, well done.
Do keep us posted on how things go and do ask whatever questions you need.  There's lots of support here for you xx

[cridai]

Hi There

Thanks for the response, it was really helpful. We have tried a slightly longer A time this morning and our LO is still asleep after 1 hour 25 mins (yippee - suddenly our 3-hour EASY may work today, or at least this morning!!!). We had 1hour 20 mins A time and then the usual 3 minutes of fuss before he fell asleep. The "fuss" I would not really classify as proper crying - its waa waa waa and then goes quiet, as though waiting to see if anyone comes (not sure whether this is actually likely in a 9-week old, although obviously he is highly intelligent!!!) and then waa waa waa again for a shorter period and quiet for a bit and so on until he drops off. Is this what you would call a mantra cry? If he cries properly we go straight in and he usually stops immediately and is quite easily settled.

With regard to him not being ready for sleep when we dim the lights though, I think this may be the case sometimes but at other times when circumstances have meant he has been up for too long, we do get the same thing happening. It does seem he just doesn't like being put down for naps during the day, regardless of his UT/ok/OT state. But, I from what I've been reading on this forum, that seems fairly normal for his age. Yesterday I tried settling him in his crib with the light on just as an experiment, but it didn't really work as he cried as soon as I turned the light out and also it went against what I thought was an atmosphere conducive to settling ready for sleep!

I'll keep you updated on the nap lenghts. Thanks again

[creations]

Wonderful to hear you've had immediate improvement - WoooooooHoooooo!
Enjoy the success and the good naps, don't be discouraged though if every nap is not this good, it can still take LO a while to get into a settled routine and you can still get some short naps along the way.

TBH I wouldn't describe a mantra as waa waa waa, to me that sounds like real crying, however, if it is stop start and asleep within 3 mins and if you believe this is not a real cry then I'd say yes it's a mantra.
If you feel at all unsure stay in the room with him.  He's still very young and any 'bad habit' formed by you staying in his room will also be giving him reassurance and comfort.

Regards to putting down for naps.  What's your wind down like?   How long, what do you do?
I would stay with him if he is at all upset, he's very young and the most important thing at this age is to reassure him that you will always be there when needed.  This might involve shush pat in the cot or a longer cuddle and shush pat before you put down, or it may involve continuing the shush pat all the way into sleep (or just the shush if you can take your hands off and he remains happy) or just sitting with him.

Yes keep us posted on how things go x