18 month old- hates food

[lizzib45]

HI everyone. My DS is 18 months (today !) and he doesnt like to eat. We just stopped purees before Christmas. And found feeding him on our laps off our plates worked best than the high chair. But really I think he doesnt realize food fills him up. Thus far, the most he has eaten in 1 meal is 1 waffle (not kid size). Some days are good like that and some he might eat 3 bits all day. I havent even attempted giving him a fork/spoon yet- he isnt fond of feeding himself just yet. He will sometimes . He is on the small side so I worry alot about his weight. Any suggestions on how to encourage him to eat? I quit making him his own special meals as he needs to understand that he eats what we eat.
Side note: he LOVES milk. Chugs milk whenever he can. So we give him milk AFTER eating hoping not to fill him up on milk beforehand.

[*Kara*]

Battle of wills   Stick to your guns and he will figure it out   Babies won't allow themselves to starve.

How much milk does he get in an average day?

[ZacsMumme]

Agree, also if he knows he will get milk to fill him up after eating and he loves milk he won't eat to get full up as the milk will do that KWIM? I suspec he's getting a lot of milk...FF, cows or BM?

[lizzib45]

Yeah he is getting 2 sippys during the day- 10 oz each- sometimes drink the whole thing sometimes maybe 8 oz? Then has 5-7 oz at bedtime. So yes he loves milk- oh cows milk. With his crappy eating we have mixed some pedisure in with his milk to make sure he is getting some more nutrients. We have his 18 month pedi appointment monday so anxious to see what he has to say. He has never been a huge eater even on formula. So i think its just him. I keep offering I just would have thought he would have figured it out by now.

[Shiv52]

I think the only way to get him eating more is to reduce the milk he gets.  From 6 months to a year the recommendation is 20oz of milk in a day which reduces as they increase their solids. they still need the equivalent of 1pint of milk in a day for calcium intake but after 1YO should be made up of milk, yogurts, cheese etc. 

He is still getting a lot of milk which is fine but if he's not eating solids then it is an issue.   I think you are doing all the right things.  Offer him table foods, don't make a big deal.  I would though keep him in his high chair and not on your knees.  I would reduce that milk down to maybe 3-4 oz and I would offer it as times away from meal so he isn't learning to refuse food and then get handed a big cup of milk.

Have you tried finger foods? My DD2 will not really entertain being spoon fed but will eat loads by herself. 

How was he with his purees?  Did he particularly like any of them?  Could you use them as a dip? 

[cuckoochick]

I would just keep trying to encourage him to try things. Make mealtimes a social occasion with you all eating as a family if you can.

I do think busy toddlers are often reluctant eaters. My nephew is a really difficult eater and my SIL had quite a bit of success having some things out for him to access as he was playing as he was also on the small side. Ultimately now though (he is just turning 3 and hardly eating anything) she has had to cut down on his snacks and really push mealtimes.

Good luck!

[Mashi]

Agree with all above.  Also at this age, milk is not really a "meal" ie/ drank in large quantities, but a drink that goes along with meals and snacks. So to get that 20 oz per day, if you give it to him twice as 10 oz drinks, then that is two meals.  But if he has a small cup with 3-4 oz in the morning, a bit with his snack, some at lunch, some with dinner, etc etc then he still gets his milk intake in, but it is not filling him and replacing a meal.  It encourages more to eat and less to drink to fill him up.

At that age, we did a lot of "encouraging" to eat and I wish we had not.  It takes the control away from him and puts someone else to try to teach him how it is done instead of figuring it out.  It was well after my DS turned 3yo before we realised this    If I could go back in time, at 18 months I would have just put his food in front of him and let him do with it what he wanted...eat, play, smush, not eat, whatever.  And not comment, not say much about it, just allow him to figure it out.  Regular meals with regular snacks, and allow him the choice. The older they are when you turn to this approach the harder it is for them to 'get it' IMO.  But if you start it now when he is younger, it will take him a lot less time to decide to eat until it fills him up.  As you said he does not know that eating fills him up and you have no idea when HE feels full...you are just guessing. He needs to eat on his own and decide on his own what that feeling of "full" is and how he got there on his own. 

[*Kara*]

That is entirely too much milk at his age   He only need two cups/500 mls/16 ozs a day and that includes cheese, yogurt etc.

If he gets two 10 oz cups plus 5-7 at BT that is certainly filling him up too much.  I totally understand why you are adding Pediasure, but it's a catch-22... it only serves to fill him up even more than plain milk, reducing his desire to eat even more...

I have learned through trial and error that you have to cut things first for them to take on more of something else... you can't wait for them to add in new things and then reduce something else... they only take in so much

[lizzib45]

Yeah we are buying him a little table and chairs for him to graze off of during the day. This morning he ate 1 bit of french toast. But didnt drink more than 6 oz after wards. For lunch he had fun with some mac n cheese adn a hot dog- yes I know its not the most nutrious but he eats it OK- and he ate a fair amount. I waited over an hour an gave him milk which of course he chugged down like its no ones business- around 7 oz in 5 mins or less. He wont have any more milk until bedtime. I guess I feel like reducing his milk will cause him to lose weight. he is continually in the 3-5% for weight so its a constant worry.I worry cutting milk wont do anything. his milk intake increased to that extent once I cut the purees out. Which he sometimes ate 2 jars per meal. but that was a struggle. you had to keep him distracted. I stuck him back in the high chair and let him play. we try to ignore him so its not added pressure for him to eat- which is hard for me as I need to know exactly how much he is eating(something I am trying to relax about). I never thought a baby/toddler would have such disinterest in food.

[lizzib45]

Oh i forgot to mention, if we give him milk on his tray with food, he skips food all together and just drinks his milk. so thats why we give him his milk after the meal. at this way seems like he has more chances of eating? thoughts on this?

[ZacsMumme]

What happens if you don't offer milk at all after a meal, but off more food ie a healthy snack an hour later? I really think he is reliant on e milk to fill up. Once he realizes food is good and fills him up he will e more willing to move from milk. You can even try some alternatives such as yogurt or a smoothie just to move closer to food without pushing the 'solids' as such.

[*Kara*]

I agree with Sara - he is holding out for that milk

[Lemonthyme]

I agree.  There's no need to give milk during the day at all IMO at this age.  I sometimes do as part of an afternoon snack when my son seems to be going through a hungry stage / growth spurt.

I'd say if he loves his milk, I'd just work with that and start introducing a 'milky' food per meal.  It might then not be too much of a change for him.  Also two snacks a day are often needed at this age too.

Some ideas for milky foods suitable at this age could include:

Breakfasts:
Oatmeal / Ready Brek
Bircher muesli http://mamacook.blogspot.com/2011/09/bircher-muesli-for-babies.html

Main courses:
Cauliflower cheese
Fish Pie
Chowder:  http://mamacook.blogspot.com/2011/09/cod-and-prawn-chowder-for-babies-on.html

Puddings:
A couple of tbsp greek yoghurt with half to one tsp honey added and mixed in
Yoghurt panna cotta: http://mamacook.blogspot.com/2011/05/yoghurt-panna-cotta-ok-for-babies-if.html
Sugar free rice pudding:  http://mamacook.blogspot.com/2011/08/rice-pudding-for-babies-and-toddlers.html

[Lemonthyme]

Oh, also creamy pasta sauces too:

http://mamacook.blogspot.com/2011/01/joy-of-cream-cheese.html

[lizzib45]

thanks ladies. I still feel worried how to change this. Today he drank about 7 oz after breakfast- about 1.5 hours after. Then his afternoon milk he was kinda blah about I think he ended up drinking about 4-5 ounces- about 1.5 hours after lunch and with a snack. then he took 1-2 sips with dinner so he drank about 4 oz at bedtime.  so definitely a decrease but no increase in food. I know it might take time but when he is clingy and whiney he wont eat he only wants milk.So seems to be a disconnect with him, he doesnt realize food will make him full. it feels like I'd have to withhold milk all together to get him to understand before reintroducing it. He eats yogurt and cheese fairly well so he will get some milk products in. ah. i feel like I have failed at the food topic.

[*Kara*]

Don't stress hun!  I feel like I failed feeding for toddlers on a regular basis!  They are such finicky little creatures at times!

[Lemonthyme]

I think the issue is you need to find an alternative way to calm him down and cheer him up and try to get the food into him before the meltdown?  I'm sure that's easier to say than do though.

[Shiv52]

You in no way have failed.  It will take at least a week I imagine for the hunger to shift to actual food.  I agree with you that the best way to do it is probably to cut way back on the milk. Maybe just am and bedtime.  So offer 3oz after breakfast and then bedtime do more but during the day just offer your meals  and snacks and make sure to have a cup with water available at any time.   I imagine he won't be happy initially but keep the goal in mind and it will help you stick to it. 

[We Three]

Great advice ladies.   
 I'm wondering what kinds of foods you're offering? Have you found that there is a particular food he likes, and eats willingly every time?  If so, you can try to "alter" that food a bit too add more nutrients. In other words, if he likes pancakes, add some ground flaxseed and blueberries too.   If he likes toast, try spreading some hummus or give him a "dipping pond"  of tomato sauce or apple sauce.  If he likes pasta, switch to whole grain for more fiber. Dry cereal was always a big hit with dd at that age...still is in fact! This morning she had a yogurt with some dry wheat-chex!
 If he likes fruit, offer some variety, cut up grapes, melon, apple slices.

 What does he enjoy?

[lizzib45]

Thanks ladies. We had his 18 month pedi appointment this morning. He is 21.4 lbs. so the 3rd percentile. Good thing he had a growth spurt so he is at 31.25 inches- 25%. So he is growing.
Food yeah we seem to be stuck on what he will eat- and not the healthiest either. He eats whole grain blueberry waffles, french toast, eggs, toast, mac n cheese, pasta with any sauce, grilled cheese, quesadilla, apples, yogurt, cherrios- we do the multi grain ones, gold fish, cheese, bologna, hot dogs, pizza, ritz crackers, blueberries, will suck the juice on oranges, peas. Umm I think thats about it. He isnt a fan of meat. So my plan so to speak right now is I am going to write out a meal,snack, milk schedule. I think doing like 4oz with breakfast and lunch, then around 3 oz with each snack, then around 6 oz for dinner/bedtime. That will lower him to 20 oz a day. Pedi agrees that if we reduce the milk he will eat more. But he had no problems with the amount he is currently drinking. DS also cut another tooth, so we have 1 more to cut and we are done until his 2 year molars, so hoping that will help food too.

[Mashi]

My DS was always 50th percentile for height and 2nd for weight - it means nothing. It is not a case of the lower the weight percentile the worse he is doing...percentiles are abotu averages and SOMEONE has to be the lower percentiles or it is not average!!!!!  If everyone was on the 50th percentile or above then the 50th woudl become the 2nd and everyone else would be bigger!!   Two better indications are 1) how big he is in relation to how big he has always been (meaning if he was always a 75th percentile baby and toddler and he started slipping to 25th then that is a problem. But if he was somewhere in the 2-10th and is making a good growth line along the second then there is no problem) and 2) his activity level - if he is happy and active and developing and growing in height and "brain power" then he is fine! I had an 11 month old on the 2nd percentile who was walking and 2 weeks later running and never stopped running...he dropped to 0.5th percentile and his paed said he was the healthiest toddler she'd seen, despite the fact that he had the appetite of a bird!  His activity level means more than any scale or growth chart  -  don't beat yourself up over his eating. I am sure he is fine!

[Lemonthyme]

Well quesadillas give you huge scope for putting in different flavours as do pizza!  And he eats blueberries, oranges and peas.  Some kids eat nothing healthy!

What does he do if you offer other things alongside?  No pressure just "it's there if you want to give it a go"?

[Shiv52]

so the 3rd percentile

My 15 month old is on the 3rd centile.  But always has followed that curve so thats totally fine.  

I think that is a good list of food.  At that age I added fruit puree to porridge to get more fruit into my DD1.  Thats great he eats pasta with sauce.  There are some great hidden veggies pasta sauces so you could certainly try those and that would help up the veggies he is getting.   My DD1 was never ever a fan of fruit.  Just didn't like it.  But would eat puree or smoothies so rather than push it I just tried very so often and at 3.5 she now eats a  fair amount of fruit and is at the stage where I can ask her to try a new fruit and she will.  So just because he isn't eating lots now doesn't mean he won't ever IYKWIM?

I'd just kept trying. Decreasing teh milk will help.  And then just gradually expose him to new foods and if he eats great, if not thats also fine.

[*Kara*]

Just a random question:  how are his bowel movements?  that much milk can cause constipation and that could certainly make him less interested in eating...

[Lemonthyme]

Yeah I agree with the pp. It's easy to think that's restrictive but it's not all that bad!  I'd just keep offering.

[lizzib45]

again thank u all so much! I feel better just at meals times i get super frustrated. Its getting better though.
Yeah he decided not to let me feed him the last 2-3 days. I was going to add some fruit puree to his yogurt and or try the oatmeal again- which we always added fruit to. And surprisingly his bowel movements are normal 1-2 times a day.  I think the mentality that he has consistantly been in the 3rd-5th percentile makes me feel better. And he is soooo active. he doesnt stop from the moment he wakes up until the moment he goes down.
So... tomorrow he goes to my parents while we work. I am going to tell my mom to cut his milk to 14 total while he is there. Thinking milk with meals, water with snacks. Ohhh I do have a question- with cutting his milk, should I not offer anything when he wakes in the AM? He isnt someone who likes to eat right away so if he wakes at 6 he wont eat until almost 8 at my parents. offer water? or maybe like 2 oz of milk with 1oz water? that just increases his milk though.

[*Kara*]

I would give him half an hour to really wake up (no one likes to sit down and eat the moment they open their eyes ) and then offer some finger foods... I usually do Cheerios, grapes/blueberries/orange segments, and then once I get the coffee made, I sit down with her and offer her some yogurt as well.  She generally eats fairly well but by no means is it a huge breakfast!  She tends to need a mid-morning snack a couple of hours later...

[ZacsMumme]

Same as Kara here, though sometimes Z wakes starving for his toast

[Lemonthyme]

To be honest, I still give milk at wake up time and bedtime.  He's been without food for a long time so if you are going to cut back on milk, I'd cut back on it during the day when you can replace it with food.

[Mashi]

We always did milk and breakfast immediately upon waking. From 13 months onwards DS would be at the kitchen cupboard banging for his breakfast while I still stumbled around wiping sleep from my eyes.  At 3.5yo now he is up and sitting at his little table in the living room shouting for his breakfast within about 30 seconds of opening his eyes

I would offer him a sippy cup with 3-4 oz of milk and if he asks for more I would just hand him a piece of toast or a small bowl of dry cereal, a piece of fruit or something and say casually "there's no more milk but if you're hungry you can eat this" and leave it at that. If he says no, then just leave it at that and reiterate that there is not any more milk.  I don't think it is at all wrong or bad for a toddler or child to have a few ounces of milk upon waking, but there is no need for it to be huge, you know? We did this with DS and slowly it became that he wanted his sippy and dry cheerios at the same time and would sit and drink/eat them together as more of a breakfast rather than milk+food if that makes sense.

[Shiv52]

I actually don't see anything wrong with milk on waking.  My DD2 still has a BF first thing and then breakfast an hour later. So I think it would be fine to offer a few oz of milk on waking and then let your parents give him breakfast there. 

I think the mentality that he has consistantly been in the 3rd-5th percentile makes me feel better. And he is soooo active. he doesnt stop from the moment he wakes up until the moment he goes down

I was always told so long as they follow a curve and don't deviate too much then it is fine so definately do keep that in mind!

[Lemonthyme]

I agree.  My son has been resolutely 'average' all his life; somewhere between 50 and 75 centiles.  It's like he knows the curve.  The HV are always happy when they see him but that's more because he's following what's right for him.  I'm sure the curve your child is on is right for him too.

[lizzib45]

So an update. We reduced milk down- but I think after recalculating where he was at before, I think it was really 30 oz of milk- yikes!
So we are at 4 oz at morning wake up, 6 oz with breakfast and lunch then 7 oz at bedtime.  Which is 23. its not 18-20 but I am having a hard time cutting out a few more oz. Up till today no change at all in his eating- still a few bites each meal. Yesterday, he had some goldish- well alot actually. He kept coming back for more. Today he ate a really good amount! He stole a bunch of my dads yogurt with berries for lunch.I just hope its not a fluke- since he does tend to have 1-2 really good eating days every few weeks. I also am about half and half pediasure and milk for extra nutrients he isnt getting with good. I might see how it goes in a few days and do 5oz instead of 6 for 2 meals but the morning milk I am having a hard time cutting down- I figure with being asleep and no milk for 11 hours he has to be starving. So we are working on it, with *hopeful* results? Hoping?

[*Kara*]

Great start for sure!  Don't be scared to cut down more hun... he will make up for it.  Offer water with meals and all will fall into place quickly

My DD took a good 3 weeks of me trying to cut her first morning milk out before she stopped having a meltdown about it   I just get her up and get some oatmeal ready ASAP and she is totally fine!
 
If he really loves that morning milk, let him keep it!  Just keep it at 4 ozs and the BT milk at 7ozs... drop the rest during the day.  Honestly, he is still getting far too much for his age, IMO.

[We Three]

 How do you give the morning milk? In a sippy? On the go? In his highchair? In your arms?  Just wondering what he would think if he got the 3 or 4 oz sippy along with a few chunks of fruit along side it, and maybe a few cheerios.  Say nothing, just put them all out together.  I think that's what I'd do.

[*Kara*]

Good idea...

[Lemonthyme]

Sorry, not sure if you said, is he having this in a bottle or a cup?  It's recommended to have in a cup by 1 and often people find they cut back milk intake a bit once they move to a cup.

[lizzib45]

Hi ladies. Yes he gets 4-5 oz in the AM by through his bottle- he absolutely will not drink out of a cup or sippy for bed time of MOTN- which for him is 430-530 when he wakes up.  I think this weekend will try the oatmeal or cheerios first thing in the morning. I am having a rough mental day about it. He definitely feels lighter But he actually got snacks and food out of the pantry at my moms and wanted her to make him food. But how much weight is OK for him to lose doing this? I have a scale(for my sanity) and I weigh him every friday night. He had alreayd lost 3 oz last week and I am concerned he has lots more this week. I am trying to remain positive that it may take a month to get him on track. We did reduce his day milk to 12 total during the day. but he WANTS it. he say the empty bottle and was ed off and I feel like I am starving him. The kid totally has my metabolism so I get its hard to gain weight, but he needs to eat. Its better but just having a hard time with it today. Ugh!!! Who would ever think that a kid wouldnt want to eat? that was definitely not in my brain at all when I was PG or when he was an infant.

[*Kara*]

Huge hugs hun!  He will be fine, promise.  Don't worry about a bit of weight loss - he will make up for it once he gets used to eating more.  The best thing to do with toddler eating habits is to look at their intake in terms of a week, not day to day. 

You are not starving him - giving him too much milk is what prevented him from getting a proper balanced diet - he may not like what you are doing now, but he WILL adjust! 

I would get rid of all bottles during the day and let him keep that bedtime one for now.