1 yr next week and so many sleep issues, exhausted mum needs help

[ZacsMumme]

Post here hun Your main issues are around sleep, but EASY is a big part of this. If we can get a good routine/pattern going then the rest will be easier to manage as  there is still the issue with props.

[baileyscommet]

Thank you! Okay...wait for it....we have a non-existant EAS and EVERY day is different but....

4am - 6am: Wake Up (no consistency and completely up for the day)
7am: BF
8am: Breakfast
9am - 11am: Nap (no consistency and can last for anything between 30 mins and 2.5hours! Sometimes he won't have one at all)
12noon - Lunch
1pm: BF
5pm: Tea
6pm: Bath
7pm: BF (to sleep and will take anything from 20mins to 1hour)

will then wake 1, 2 or 3 times throughout the night. I try to only feed once. Its a pain if he wakes at around 4am because I'll feed him then to try and get him back to sleep but then if he won't go back to sleep, I'll have to feed again at 7am to start the day.

I'm also confused about what I should be doing around lunchtime because up until recently my lo was having 4 feeds a day every 4 hours so he would feed at 11 then have lunch about 12. However, recently I became aware that he probably didn't need 4 feeds a day because he wasn't asking for them I was just offering.

I feel embarrassed with this EAS

[ZacsMumme]

I feel embarrassed with this EAS

don't feel embarrassed hun, we all have to start somewhere and TBH its not that bad!!!

So..I have a few immediate thoughts of what we need to do to get out of this - as a starting point.

1) The day can not start at 4am...pick a time you are happy to start the day and anything before that needs to be treated as a NW. If your LO screams thats okay, stay in the room with him, in the dark, or do WI/WO or GW...but do not start the day. He needs to learn it is still night time.

2) Work out a good structure for naps or 1 nap. This could be a hard one, but do you think he is ready for 1 nap or needs 2? I think maybe you may actually be in the middle of the 2-1 which makes things messy anyway. My thought is start with 2 naps and we can move to 1 as these EW make the day too long for 1 nap.

3) Consistant BT routine.

4) NW Feed. If you are going to feed 1 that is okay for now - we can wean that later. But you need to be consistent with when you feed ie only after 2am or only after midnight and be strong on not feeding at the other NW.

4) Get DH on board with this...you are going to need some support.....

5) Get out a calender and mark out 4 weeks...I am 99% sure things will be at least 70% better by then It wont happen overnight but it will happen

What do you think?

LouiseV and Hollysmummy what do you ladies think too?

[HollyMummy]

I think that looks great Zacsmumme! I think working out the naps could be pretty key... if he is only having one and it is first thing, that's a long stretch of A time before bed. And the night feeds.. when I first cut these out like I told you, we saw amazing changes quite quickly. By this age you can be pretty sure they don't need the feed because they are hungry, only as Zacsmumme said because they are used to it and also as a comfort. The more of these props you can eliminate in the night, the more he will learn how to get back to sleep on his own!
I am envious of your step by step plan.. if anyone fancies giving me one I would be so grateful! (I have a thread going on this board too). It is so much easier to have something to work with. I am reading your thread with interest as my LO is also one next week and although we initially had great success with weaning BF in the night and patting to sleep, teething and an ongoing cold have proved to make things very very difficult and we are back to having long NW.
So... I think you have some great starting points above. Good luck and I will keep reading with interest!! xx 

[baileyscommet]

Zacsmumme, this looks great, thank you so much. Just a few questions if that's okay as I don't want to get off on the wrong foot:

1) I would normally sit with lo on my lap in the rocking chair and rock/sing to sleep. I stop this immediately. I have decided to go with GW, so I would stroke/pat etc until he is asleep in the cot but I do not lift him out - correct. I think I'm happy to start the day at 5.30/6am so will stick to keeping little man in his room until then.

2) Naps - lately he has been having a nap in the morning (within 3 hours of waking), he won't nap again unless he is feeding. My gut feeling is, is that he won't take 2 takes as he never has unless we are out in the car. So should I try to move his nap time out to closer to lunchtime? Do I do GW for these also and how long should I do this for (I'm confident that he will resist this the most) before walking away. Also with GW would I lay him down if he gets up to stand in the cot?

3) With the consistent BT, given that I want to stop a feed to sleep association should I change our BT routine as of tonight also? So normally we would have tea, bath, quiet play, feed to sleep. Would tea, bath, feed, stories work do you think? I have no idea how I'll wake him up though because as soon as he latches on he's alseep.


Given what you have said about nightfeeds HollysMummy I'm wondering whether I should try to cut the night feeds out also at the same time or do you think this would be too much for my little man?


So to sum up as of tonight:

I will be changing our BT routine so we are not feeding to sleep
Be carrying out GW for any NW's (I will be stroking/patting but not lifting him out is that the right thing to do?
Possibly weaning NF?

I sincerely appreciate all your help ladies...

[ZacsMumme]

So day starts at 5.30/6 anything before that unless he is crying leave him in his cot. I he starts to cry for you then go in, shh/pat or if there is no way he will sleep sit with him in the dark quietly until then, then start the day, lights on etc.

I would try this for the naps, feel free to move from this, it's a starting point right
WU 5.30
Nap 9.30-10 wake at 30 mins
Nap 12 for as long as he likes. If he wakes before 1.30 keep him in his room and try to get him back to sleep, or if he loses the plot, sit in the dark. Nap is 1.5 hrs long minimum.
BT if he short naps then 6pm BT if he sleeps past 1.30 then BT is after 5hrs A time.

The short nap in the morning itwill make him tired enough for a pm one.

For BT routine, if you want him in bed at 6.30 then he needs to be in the cot by 6.15...the first night will be tough, he will fight it. You can either go straight for the cot, or move him to the cot when he is very tired and sleepy.

NW - yes keep him in the cot if you can. Even if you have to cuddleto chill him out then PD that's ok to start with. No BF to sleep but if you want to do one Bf that is fine. Pick a timeand do not feed if NW before then.

Now...this WILL be hard okay...first 3 nights may be pretty rough, but you have to think positive and know that he is used to this and you are taking it all away from him s o he will be confused, tired, angry and weds to learn to sleep on his own.

Lastly. Do you have a lovey for him? This may help the transition.

With the BT routine, maybe just do feed then unlatch, sing twinkle twinkle or something then in the cot with a hand on him (pressure)

[ZacsMumme]

Good luck for tonight

[HollyMummy]

Good luck. Look forward to hearing how you go Xx

[baileyscommet]

Thank you for all your help and support. Unfortunately we haven't been able to try this as my little man is poorly. He started to 'dip' yesterday and then ran a fever and temperature of 39.3! A visit to the doctor confirmed that he had a sore throat and ear infection. I will of course put all this on hold until my little man is better. Is it okay to pop back if I need some more advice or support?

[LouiseV]

Oh you poor thing! Absolutely hold off until he is well - you wont do any good sleep training when he's sick! Jump back on when he's recovered. You will know when the time is right to start implementing things again. Have a good look at your plan and work out what things you might be able to try and keep up even when hes sick (things like BT routines and stuff) and what might have to wait...

All the best getting through this!

[ZacsMumme]

SO many hugs hun, get through this first, and lots of cuddles to your wee man - then come back when you want/need to and we will be here!

[HollyMummy]

Awwww.. you poor things! Hope he makes a swift recovery xx