14 months old and we are STILL waking up at night

[Mama_Mia]

Hugs..I could have wrote your post, My DS is EXACTLY the same way. Many nights I spent an hour or more bent over his crib with my hand on him. And one thing I did learn is that if he falls asleep crying, then he has more NWs. He is now just about 17 months and I still have to put my hand on him many nights for him to go to sleep. But there are things I have noticed make a difference in how well he goes to sleep on his own and even if he will sttn....

#1 Getting more exercise during the day, I found that taking him out in the yard for 1.5hrs after his nap wore him out enough that he would go to sleep on his own and even sttn. (Just waiting for warmer weather to make this possible daily)

#2 A really good dinner... When M is really hungry at dinnertime and eats a really good amount he will go to sleep on his own and sttn most times as long as he got exercise that day. When he doesnt eat well he has anywhere from 2-4 nw's

On the nights that I do have to give him my hand to go to sleep, like tonight, I will let him hold my hand for 10 minutes, then I take it away and wait. I NEVER let him cry, if I let him cry as I said earlier, he will have more NW's. After taking my hand away he will either fuss for a few seconds then quiet down or he will scream for it back. If he quiets down then I wait a min or two and leave his room. He will then go to sleep on his own. If he screams for my hand back then I repeat the same process. Sometimes it still takes 30min for me to leave his room, but I see it this way.. He always goes to sleep for his nap by himself and I know it is possible for him to go to sleep on his own at night, if I got everything right for the day, ie exercise, food, BT (not OT). So on the days that he has a problem going to sleep on his own, even tho it is VERY frustrating, I chalk it up to a bad day and hope tomorrow will be better. ... Hang in there.

[powerqueen13]

i just let my LO Cry it Out for the past 3 nights (i was sitting outside his room with the door wide open talking to him but did not go it to hold him, he could see me but would not stop crying) and when he woke up at night he cried but i didn't go, it lasted for under half a minute.

Now i can not go anywhere in the house. if he doesn't see me he cries. we had a play date today with 3 of his buddies and thier mom and i left the room for a minute. he cried so hard till i go back.\


he never ever cried after me ... i am so upset but i am sick and tired of being a prop for sleep... NOW WAHT DO I DO

[powerqueen13]

thanks Mama_C

he was doing so well before the Vacation and now things are super bad. we had aplay date today and he cried so hard when i left the room for one minute. he never used to do that.

you know, i co sleep with him at nap time, i always have, maybe i should start making him sleep alone. mind you it's the only time i get some uninterrupted sleep too.

[Mama_Mia]

you know, i co sleep with him at nap time, i always have, maybe i should start making him sleep alone. mind you it's the only time i get some uninterrupted sleep too.

Whatever makes you happy and less stressed is the way I look at things. I figure it will be easier to teach M everything he doesnt do perfectly now, when he is old enough to understand. They are only this young once, and before you know it they will be off to school. I personally wouldnt mind if M slept with me every night, but he likes his space and when I do try to get him to sleep in my bed, he just wants to play.

[Bex09]

I think you will probably need to go back to the start with the GW as your DS has got used to sleeping in such close proximity to you. Have you tried sitting/lying by the cot at first? Then you can gradually move further away each night. Totally agree with Mama C that if your LO is crying and it is escalating then leaving him even for a minute will make him far more difficult to settle. A cry like that needs you to go to him straight away for comfort.

[Shiv52]

I agree with the others.  You need to do GW and you probably need to go right back to sitting by his cot.  It sounds like he is very confused as to why you are not coming in especially after sharing a room with him on holiday.    I would settle him and stay by his cot until he is asleep.   I would not leave him to cry any more as it is obviously having a huge impact on his and is impacting his confidence through the day.  Even staying by the door and leaving him crying for so long is too big a step after sharing a room with him I think. 

Hugs hun.  It is so tough.  I have a NWing 16 month old myself and it sucks.  There is a period of SA after 1 YO so could be he has hit that too.

Few questions to see if we can come up with anything else to help. 

What is his routine like these days? You say the 3 hour naps are no more and often it is 1.5 hours?  Are you doing EBT on those days as that is a long day on a 1.5 nap? 

Before you vacation was your DS an independent sleeper for bedtime?  So you could put him down fully awake and leave him to fall asleep? if he had NWs did he settle himself?

Any teeth coming? 1YO molars are a killer!

[*Kara*]

i just let my LO Cry it Out for the past 3 nights (i was sitting outside his room with the door wide open talking to him but did not go it to hold him, he could see me but would not stop crying) and when he woke up at night he cried but i didn't go, it lasted for under half a minute.

Now i can not go anywhere in the house. if he doesn't see me he cries. we had a play date today with 3 of his buddies and thier mom and i left the room for a minute. he cried so hard till i go back.\


he never ever cried after me ... i am so upset but i am sick and tired of being a prop for sleep... NOW WAHT DO I DO

Huge hugs hun... I have been there.  Read this: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=211289.0

It really does sound like you have broken his trust by doing CIO.  You can regain it but I won't lie - it's not easy and it will take some major work.  I had to do it and still worry over a year after I did CIO that I have lost DD's trust every now and then when she doesn't let me plop her to bed and walk away... We just went through the 15 month SA (it was crazy!) and I worried I had lost her trust daily for a couple of weeks!

This is what I would do to start to regain his trust:
1. no more co-sleeping.  I know it sounds counterproductive, but I think it's confusing him more than anything.
2. If he allows it, AP him to sleep for naps and night time for a week.  Rock him to sleep.  This will reassure him that mommy is a safe place.  I know it will be exhausting and you feel that you have no more of yourself to give, but remember - you broke his trust and you now have to get it back.  Once I accepted this, it was far easier to do it
3. Once he is sleeping well with the AP for naps and BT (and NWing if he does wake)... start to use a GW to wean the AP rocking to sleep bit.  Rock until drowsy then put him down... if he resists, pick him up and repeat.  Once you get to the point that he stays down from sleepy.. start to put him down less drowsy and repeat the same method of picking up if needed.  Eventually you get to a point that he is fairly awake when you put him down.
4. *This* is when you make the jump to putting him down awake but placing your hand on his back until he dozes... then once this is easier, start removing your hand sooner in the process.
5. Once he goes into the crib with your hand on his back and happily dozes off, start putting him down and just touching his back once and then removing it.  Stay there until he dozes to sleep... start removing yourself from the room as this gets easier.

I know it sounds like this will take until the age of 8, but you might be surprised how quickly it goes once you start to regain his trust... some babies will go through entire steps in 1-2 days once they start to understand that Momma isn't going to abandon them anymore... my DD went through all of this in about 10 days time. 

Please know that there are many moms who have been right where you are and feel completely beside themselves... I am one of them.  Please also know that it will get better.

Hugs,
Kara

[powerqueen13]

thank you ladies for ur support.

[powerqueen13]

Shiv52.  his routine is still the same. now that he is sick, he is back to napping 2 ro 3 hours. All his Pre molars are out. we have molars and knines lesft.
I have no idea what EBT means! so i can't answer that ...lol
DS was an independent sleeper up 7.5 months old. but started teething and hasn't been the same. he does not go down easy. i talk all about it in the begining of this post. 
When will it end???

[powerqueen13]

hi Kara,
what does AP mean?
I dont' know about Rocking him to sleep. i have never done it and i don't think i am gonna start now.  i am not doing so great physically so its a bit hard on me.... any other ideas???

thanks dear

[*Kara*]

Hey hun...

AP is accidental parenting.. basically anything that helps him get to sleep, like rocking, holding etc..

EBT is early bedtime... often used to help baby catch up on lost sleep... many tend to wake at the same time each day regardless of when they are put down for the night, so the idea is that they get a bit extra by going down early.

You don't have to rock him to sleep - but I would stay with him until he is asleep for the first little while so that he understands that you are there when he needs you.