Beyond Fed Up - 2 years 8months eating

[Mom to M&M]

Yes, think we'll keep with the bedtime snack - we have always offered it to both kids and I don't want to take it away. But didn't see this time time and last night offered a very small amount of Multigrain cheerios (both kids had but DD's with milk) and a plate of cut strawberries between them. Course DS wouldn't touch the strawberries (not even to give me one) but I will keep doing. Not sure at night what I can offer that is protein except nuts (if he hasn't already had them that day) or the roasted chickpeas (which could be hard to digest at night?). I'd say yogurt but he's refusing it now since I won't spoon feed him.

[Shiv52]

I think its important to get into the mindset that he will not starve himself but there may be days he will be going to bed hungry-ish until he starts to eat better. If you think he would eat cheerios ok then keep that for bedtime snack but at another point in the day where you would offer a similar food, don't and offer something else instead. 

I personally would back off even encouraging him to feed you anything.  If you are going this route I would make no mention of food at all.  Provide him a balanced meal with a preferred food there but a normal portion and leave him to it.  I think even trying to encourage him to feed you will put him off and make him think you are just too invested and trying to convince him to eat. 

{{{hugs}}}

[Mashi]

Yep, agree with Shiv!   Swap out the cheerios for something else in the day then - protein stuff can be cubes of cheese (does he have a cheese alternative that he eats? How about chunks of firm tofu?) stuck on toothpicks with some cut-up cold chicken.  A cold turkey meatball and some hummus or guacamole to dip it in. Etc.   I would also not make any mention of food at all - here is your snack, and leave it at that.  Encouraging and commenting makes it an 'issue' and if you just leave it he will eventually eat. 

[Mom to M&M]

Will do with the Cheerios, just need to think of swaps. Soy cheese is pretty nasty on it's own though, it really only works cooked into something. We are trying dairy again at 3 - fingers crossed for that - would be nice if I could offer him cheese and drinkable yogurt and all! Have been totally leaving his food now but like Shiv said will not encourage him to give me any either.

This morning I left him 6 silver dollar pancakes (instead of 7-8) and a bowl of blueberries between him and DD. He ate all his pancakes but no blueberries of course!

[~Sara~]

*hugs* Karen.  So, so, soooooo many *hugs*  Can I just say that I am so relieved to have found your thread?  Aaron is still so much like M in this regard (save for the allergies/intolerances).  He's got his list of foods that he likes, and that's that.  Won't even try new things now.  We've done everything that we could think of, but I'm to the point that I'm just sick of it all, too.  Sorry buddy--you can't eat pancakes for every meal

Part of our problem is that he is SO verbal.  I often forget that I'm talking to a child who isn't even 3 yet.  He says stuff like, "We do like broccoli, don't we Mommy?" yet won't eat the stuff.  Our latest freak-out was that he found out that basil was in his marinara.  He's been eating the stuff for years.  

Anyways, I'm not going to usurp your thread but just go along for the ride.  I've loved the advice you've been given and am going to show it to DH, too.  We just both feel like bashing our heads against a wall some days with the silliness.  Only thing left to do is change our attitude even more to the appearance of not caring.

Holding your hand...

[Mashi]

Karen I think with things like the blueberries and choices and such, you have to give it time. I would not expect him to eat them this morning either if they are something he does not usually eat. It will not happen overnight and it will not happen in a week - that is why I said it is an adjustment mainly in your way of thinking more than anything.  You put a reasonable offering in front of him and he will learn to be responsible for choosing. There have actually been several studies done that have shown when left to their own devices in this way with food, over a time period children naturally choose for themselves a balanced diet. Mind you some may eat all carbs at one meal and all proteins at another and so on, but over a week to two week time period all of the children ate an appropriate balanced diet. They just have to be left to do it on their own and they will!

Hugs for you as well Sara x

[Mom to M&M]

Hi Sara and definitely jump in please!!! I've often said how much alike Aaron and Matthew are - these picky curly haired blondes! Though Aaron is more verbal. So many hugs and good luck to you.

Yes, I definitely think it will take time Mashi. I am sitting with him for lunch right now and offered him nitrate free cocktail franks, grapes and a squeezable applesauce. So far he's eating the hot dogs (of course), looking at the applesauce pouch and annoyed with the grapes but at least not yelling at them to be taken away.

Edited to say he ended up having less hot dogs than usual (3 minis instead of 6 but not bad) and one squeeze of the applesauce (and made a face) and rest the left and is playing with his blocks now. I guess I'll leave it out on the table until his nap in case he decides to come back to it.

[~*Nicole*~]

I was posting something earlier and somehow it didn't go through.

It was along the lines of the others. I do think it will be a slow progression at first and he may even "test" you and try to hold out or beg for more of his favorites or hold out for your to give in and spoon feed him, but that after a period of time, he will come to realize this is just the way things are now and then relax and eventually try things. Once he realizes there is no power struggle in it anymore and that it's up to him and you're happy either way, he will probably end up giving in to his own curiosity about foods that are offered.

Yeah, the soy cheese isn't particularly appetizing when it's not IN or ON things. I think it would be fine to offer the chickpeas, etc. for snack before bed. Plus you'll hopefully at some point offer things that he will eventually eat. So perhaps in the future he'll open up and expand to include some more protein options like eggs, peanut butter, meats, etc. Might go back onto yogurt sooner once he decides to feed himself, etc. So, the only thing you can do is offer, you know?

[Mashi]

Nicole that is exactly what we found happened with DS.   Especially this --

Once he realizes there is no power struggle in it anymore and that it's up to him and you're happy either way, he will probably end up giving in to his own curiosity about foods that are offered.

it is exaclty our experience here. xx

[Mom to M&M]

Plodding along here. He happily ate another breakfast cookie yesterday, along with roasted chickpeas, for snack - so that was good. Dinner was pasta (his favorite) so no surprise he did well but he did do well with a spoon too! As long as I helped load up the spoon he then fed himself. He ignored the grapes at breakfast and the fruit at school of course.

For dinner just now I served him fish sticks (homemade), roasted potatoes and broccoli - same as the rest of us. But I also gave him some sweet potato fries since he likes those more than other potatoes. He ate the sweet potato fries first and asked for more but I told him there were no more. Then he actually tried and ate half a fish stick (!) and felt the potatoes (but didn't eat one). A small step but I'll take it for now!

I've also been doing sleep talk the past two nights to see if they can work in conjunction.

[~*Nicole*~]

Very thrilling that he tried and ate half a fish stick!!!! AND used a spoon!!!! All in one day

That's fantastic, truly.

[Mom to M&M]

Actually the spoon was yesterday (last night) and the half fish stick was tonight. But yes, was pleased!

[Erin M]

Heck, even feeling the potatoes is great progress. 

[Mashi]

Heck, even feeling the potatoes is great progress. 

Definitely!!  Glad to hear your update Karen!!

[Mom to M&M]

Thanks guys! Here's hoping it continues/improves. Still refusing the fruit (this morning it was blueberries) but he knows I'm making meatballs tonight and is excited about that (for now anyway).