Please help - DS will sleep for everyone except me!!!

[kkennedy]

Hi all, I am really desperate and would very much appreciate your advice.  DS is 21 months, we've had trouble getting him to sleep since birth to be honest, short naps, early wakings, night wakings etc etc.  Anyway we were in a really good place about 6 months ago (we'd used walk in walk out and it had worked really well).  Now its a totally different story.  Basically he will go straight to sleep for everyone except me, he gets put into bed awake and goes off to sleep on his own without anyone in the room.  Now, he will do this for me at bedtime although he does fuss a lot more for me and its always a bit touch and go as to whether he will start screaming as soon as I leave the room but the last few times I have put him to bed its been fine.

Naps are where the real problem lies, generally we 'happen' to be out in the car when he needs a nap and will then transfer him to his cot when we get home and he will continue to sleep there.  I cannot get him to go to sleep in his cot.  My husband and GPs can but he screams blue murder when I try it.  I have tried walk in walk out again but he gets so worked up its actually quite scary and I cant keep it up as I feel like I'm just torturing him, I've tried sitting by the side of the cot but he just screams and roars at me until I give in.  Today was a prime example, we have been up since 4.30 as he woke and wouldnt go back to sleep, he fell asleep in the car on our way back from playgroup at about 11am, but when I tried to put him in his cot he woke and immediately went mad screaming etc,  so I thought I'd wait, give lunch and try again later, well as soon as I tried to put his grobag on he started going mad, I tried cuddling him, reading to him, sitting next to cot and he just screams 'cuddle mummy, cuddle mummy'then if I do pick him he screams 'out door, out door' and I mean really screams, if I let this go on too long he starts shaking his head and has even slapped himself.

This is really awful and I feel like I'm totally failing at this really vital part of parenting (not to mention all the other issues we're having with food), I feel totally inadequate as he just goes straight down to sleep for everyone else and they must think I'm really crap.

His 'normal' routine is below:

6am ish wake
7am breakfast
12 lunch
1pm ish (or whenever I can)nap for about 1.5/2hrs
2.30/3ish wake
5 dinner
7/7.30 bedtime

DH does most bedtimes so that he can spend some time with DS but I have been doing a few more just recently as I'm very aware of this problem and know that if I dont put him to bed it cant get any better can it?

He's also started waking early again, we had been getting 6.30 onwards wakings but for the last week he's struggled to even get to 6 with today being a pretty bad one at 4.30.

Any help and advice would be much appreciated, thanks!!

[cath~]

Hi kkennedy

No great advice I'm afraid but lots of hugs.  You're not failing at all.

My L is the same - she always goes down really well and independently for DH and her nanny but for me if she is upset/irritated/UT then she kicks up a fuss.  She's never responded to cuddles as a way to relax her either - they just seem to get her more worked up! 

I have found that she is worse with me if she is UT or not tired enough.  Whereas for others, she will still settle if she is a bit UT.  Have you tried putting him down for his nap/BT later to see if that helps?  And/or capping his nap so he is more tired at BT?  Might not be what he needs but I've found those things help with L so might be worth a try.

I've found nap capping also helps with EWs as L is low sleep needs!

[*Becky*]

Hi there,
7 hours is a very long A time in the am - will he not go down for a nap before then? Just wondering if he could be OT by nap time.

[kkennedy]

Thanks for your replies and advice.  I agree that the A time is quite long in the morning and will try to move his nap earlier, the trouble is we are often out in the morning and for lunch and he falls asleep in the car so its become a bit of a prop.

Cathn - you mentioned that your LO is similar and can sometimes create more of a fuss with you than DH/Nanny, how do you deal with it when she makes a fuss? what do you do to finally get her to go to sleep? This is the issue for me really as even if DS is UT/OT/grumpy etc he will always go down fine for everyone else, it does just seem to be me that he has the issue with so as well as trying to tweak his routine I also need a practical strategy for how to deal with it when he does go mad and wont settle.

Thanks so much for your help, I really appreciate it.

Today was another nap failure, he woke at 5.45, fell asleep in car accidentally for 20 mins at 9.30, fell asleep in car again at 1.45 but then wouldnt transfer into cot and hasnt slept since ( DH is now putting him to bed), sigh!

[*Becky*]

I would aim for a nap about 12pm and see if that helps - keep us posted xx

[cath~]

Hi kkenedy,
I do WIWO with L when she's having trouble settling for me. If she's standing or sitting when I go in then I lie her back down before I WO. I try to WO straight away but if she's still properly upset then I stay until she calms down again (usually no more than a min or so) then as soon as she's calm I WO.  If she starts crying again I give her chance to settle on own (sometimes she does) but if not and cries escalate I WI again.
Can't say for sure if this is right approach but it's what I'm doing for now. L is funny though, she goes through phases of settling fine for me (I just lie her down, say goodnight and WO), but then we have a phase where she *really* protests. Took me over an hour to settle her last night (but she didn't seem tired at all when I PD) but I think we had poop issues then too.. (she needed to poop).
Good luck.  I'm sure things will improve if you have a consistent strategy. Usually, for us, when things go pear-shaped it means we need a routine tweak (she is UT).  She just lets me know about it much more vocally than anyone else!